Jump to content
Gibson Brands Forums

More Blonde Jokes


BluesKing777

Recommended Posts

DISNEYLAND

 

Two blondes were going to Disneyland . They were driving on the Interstate when they saw the sign that said Disneyland LEFT. They started crying and turned around and went home.

FLORIDA OR MOON

Two blondes living in Oklahoma were sitting on a bench talking, and one blonde says to the other, 'Which do you think is farther away.... Florida or the moon?' The other blonde turns and says 'Helloooooooooo, can you see Florida ?????'

CAR

TROUBLE

A blonde pushes her BMW into a gas station. She tells the

Mechanic it died. After he works on it for a few minutes, it is idling smoothly.

She says, 'What's the story?'

He replies, 'Just crap in the carburettor'

She asks, 'How often do I have to do that?'

SPEEDING TICKET

A police officer stops a blonde for speeding and asks her very nicely if he could see her license.

She replied in a huff, 'I wish you guys would get your act together.

Just yesterday you take away my license and then today you expect me to show it to you!'

RIVER WALK

There's this blonde out for a walk. She comes to a river and sees another blonde on the opposite bank 'Yoo-hoo!' she shouts, 'How can I get to the other side?'

The second blonde looks up the river then down the river and shouts back, 'You ARE on the other side.'

AT THE DOCTOR'S OFFICE

A gorgeous young redhead goes into the doctor's office and said that her body hurt wherever she touched it.

'Impossible!' says the doctor.. 'Show me.'

The redhead took her finger, pushed on her left shoulder and screamed, then she pushed her elbow and screamed even more. She pushed her knee and screamed; likewise she pushed her ankle and screamed. Everywhere she touched made her scream.

The doctor said, 'You're not really a redhead, are you?

'Well, no' she said, 'I'm actually a blonde.'

'I thought so,' the doctor said, 'Your finger is broken.'

KNITTING

A highway patrolman pulled alongside a speeding car on the freeway. Glancing at the car, he was astounded to see that the blonde behind the wheel was knitting!

Realizing that she was oblivious to his flashing lights and siren, the trooper cranked down his window, turned on his bullhorn and yelled, 'PULL OVER!'

'NO!' the blonde yelled back, 'IT'S A SCARF!'

BLONDE ON THE SUN

A Russian, an American, and a Blonde were talking one day.

The Russian said, 'We were the first in space!'

The American said, 'We were the first on the moon!'

The Blonde said, 'So what? We're going to be the first on the sun!' The Russian and the American looked at each other and shook their heads.

'You can't land on the sun, you idiot! You'll burn up!' said the Russian.

To which the Blonde replied, 'We're not stupid, you know. We're going at night!'

IN A VACUUM

A blonde was playing Trivial Pursuit one night.... It was her turn. She rolled the dice and she landed on Science & Nature. Her question was, 'If you are in a vacuum and someone calls your name, can you hear it?' She thought for a time and then asked, 'Is it on or off?'

FINALLY,

THE BLONDE JOKE TO END ALL BLONDE JOKES!

A girl was visiting her blonde friend, who had acquired two new dogs, and asked her what their names were. The blonde responded by saying that one was named Rolex and one was named Timex. Her friend said, 'Whoever heard of someone naming dogs like that?' 'HELLLOOOOOOO......,' answered the blonde. 'They're watch dogs'!

 

 

BluesKing777.

 

 

 

Link to comment
Share on other sites

Blonde walks into a bar, and the news is on showing a woman on the Golden Gate Bridge threatening to jump.

 

Blonde says to the bartender that she'll bet him she doesn't jump.

 

Bartender says, "Okay, you're on".

 

After a little bit, the woman finally jumps to her death.

 

Blonde starts pays up...but the bartender says, "I can't take your money, this is an old newscast, I saw her jump earlier today".

 

Blonde says, "I did too...but I didn't think she'd jump again!"

Link to comment
Share on other sites

Two blondes and the wrong phone number

Blonde 1, hello, is this one-one-one-one

Blonde 2, no this is eleven eleven

Blonde 1, oh I'm sorry I must have the wrong number

Blonde 2, that's ok, I had to get up and answer the phone anyhow

Link to comment
Share on other sites

I have a feeling this thread is going to be around for a while.

 

 

Q: What does a blonde say when she gives birth?

A: Gee, Are you sure it's mine?

 

 

There were three women who were at the gynecologist having pre-natal checkups The doctor asked the first woman "in what position was the baby conceived ?"

 

"He was on top ", she replied.

"You will have a boy !" the doctor exclaimed.

 

The second woman was asked the same question.

"I was on top ", was the reply.

"you will have a baby girl. " said the doctor.

 

With this, the third women, a blonde, burst into tears.

"What's the matter ?" asked the doc.

"Am I going to have puppies ?".....

Link to comment
Share on other sites

Blonde walks into a bar, and the news is on showing a woman on the Golden Gate Bridge threatening to jump.

 

Blonde says to the bartender that she'll bet him she doesn't jump.

 

Bartender says, "Okay, you're on".

 

After a little bit, the woman finally jumps to her death.

 

Blonde starts pays up...but the bartender says, "I can't take your money, this is an old newscast, I saw her jump earlier today".

 

Blonde says, "I did too...but I didn't think she'd jump again!"

 

You beat me to it. One of my favorites.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

Two blondes rent a boat to go fishing.

 

In the morning they both catch their limit.

 

First blonde says, "This is a GREAT spot to fish!"

 

Second blonde says we need to mark this spot.

 

First blonde jumps in the water, comes up under the boat and marks it on the bottom with a big "X".

 

She gets back in the boat, and the second blonde says, "That's dumb! How do you know we'll even get this same boat next time?"

Link to comment
Share on other sites

In an empty office how do you know which computer is the blond's?

 

It's the one with white-out on the screen.

 

 

My mom, a blonde, witnessed this at a local gas station:

 

Blonde pulls up to a gas pump, gets out and finds the fill door is on the wrong side of the car. She tries to make the hose stretch across the trunk, but cannot get it into the fill spout on the other side of the car. :unsure: So she hangs up the nozzle, gets back in the car, makes a "U" turn and pulls up on the other side of the pump. She gets out. The fill door is STILL on the wrong side of the car.... She gets back in, makes another "U" turn. She gets out. STILL ON THE WRONG SIDE OF THE CAR! [cursing] She then burns out, drives around the block, pulls up to the pump, gets out ... still on the wrong side of the car. [crying]. She then scratches off and never came back.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

Archived

This topic is now archived and is closed to further replies.

×
×
  • Create New...