fretplay Posted May 21, 2012 Share Posted May 21, 2012 Over the past few moneys I have been finding it more and more difficult to play with other people. There is no particular reason for this as the band I play with are old friends going back ten years. It has reached a stage when the gig is no longer a pleasure and I am concerned that it could reach a stage where I have to back out so another nail in the coffin as it were. I am by nature a bag of nerves but the situation is really concerning. We usually have a glass or two of wine during the session but this sometimes has the opposite effect. I was wondering if any members had experienced this and have any ideas on what to do or take, any advise would be most gratefully appreciated. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Versatile Posted May 21, 2012 Share Posted May 21, 2012 A common situation for many performers... Some excellent u-tube posts under 'Stage Fright' Public speakers have similar issues...so maybe a tip or two taken from them can help Good Luck !! V Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
sellen Posted May 21, 2012 Share Posted May 21, 2012 I have some problem with nerves to. Don't really care when it's just playing with the guys in the band at rehearsing. Had our first gig in august, man i was wreck. And now we are gonna play a "real" gig at 8 of june. It may come as many as 100-200 people at this night. I'm terrified by the thought of it, and it has been on my mind for month's. Hopefully it goes well, my parts are kinda simple. But i do have some lead guitar here and there on the set-list(cover+original songs), and it's so damn embarrassing if they go wrong. But i guess this is my chance to be in a band and play live in this life so i just have to go for it. For me alcohol wine or beer is out of the question. I need to be as sharp as i possible can Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
jdgm Posted May 21, 2012 Share Posted May 21, 2012 Seems that as you get older, youthful confidence ebbs a bit....I find I just don't have the confidence I had when I was younger. Also as I have aged I have lost involuntary control of the sweat glands in/on my head, and nowadays whatever the gig the sweat pours off me like tropical rain when I am setting up and for the 1st number, only the 1st number then I'm ok....huh? Can't stop it - even if I do not feel in the slightest bit nervous it happens. The more uptight you get about it, the worse it gets. This uncontrollable sweating can even happen at home now when I am plugging and unplugging gear and I hate it. If I actually am nervous, I can get breathing difficulty resulting in very loud, very physical hiccoughs - obviously more likely if I've eaten or drank something beforehand - which interfere with my and the rest of the band's playing and is the most incredibly stupid and embarrassing thing I've ever suffered from. This whole 'in front of other people' thing is a matter of confidence. Remember how you had to practice playing and not being put off by others? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
marvar Posted May 21, 2012 Share Posted May 21, 2012 point me to the stage- I'm ready to go! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
kidblast Posted May 21, 2012 Share Posted May 21, 2012 many years ago, ya, sure, I used to get uptight about things, now, nope. I just don't... like marvar says, point me to the stage,... good to go.. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
saturn Posted May 21, 2012 Share Posted May 21, 2012 I don't know how to advise anyone else how to get over a case of the nerves, other than to just plow through it, regardless of how you feel. I know that's easier said than done. Just try to keep it in perspective and remember, it's only music. In most cases, it's not like someones life is on the line or anything. In my case, the only real time I get nervous is if my instrument is the only one playing. As long as I have another guitar, bass, keyboard...something to blend in with I'm fine. When it's just me and silence, then my hands get a little shaky for some reason. It even happens the few times I've made little demo recording of myself. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
zigzag Posted May 21, 2012 Share Posted May 21, 2012 Nerves disappear with confidence. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Sinner 13 Posted May 21, 2012 Share Posted May 21, 2012 Nerves disappear with confidence. I have found this to be true as well, the more you play out the less anxious you get. The one thing I have found is IF you don't imbibe(whatever your particular poison is), at practice and you do at show, or vice versa, it is more like to trigger nerves, where as if you play like you practice this is less likely an issue. my 2 cents Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Rabs Posted May 21, 2012 Share Posted May 21, 2012 Seems that as you get older, youthful confidence ebbs a bit....I find I just don't have the confidence I had when I was younger. Also as I have aged I have lost involuntary control of the sweat glands in/on my head, and nowadays whatever the gig the sweat pours off me like tropical rain when I am setting up and for the 1st number, only the 1st number then I'm ok....huh? Can't stop it - even if I do not feel in the slightest bit nervous it happens. The more uptight you get about it, the worse it gets. This uncontrollable sweating can even happen at home now when I am plugging and unplugging gear and I hate it. If I actually am nervous, I can get breathing difficulty resulting in very loud, very physical hiccoughs - obviously more likely if I've eaten or drank something beforehand - which interfere with my and the rest of the band's playing and is the most incredibly stupid and embarrassing thing I've ever suffered from. This whole 'in front of other people' thing is a matter of confidence. Remember how you had to practice playing and not being put off by others? Yes ive got this problem too.. Over the last few years ive lost family, been divorced and been made redundant twice and last year I almost died from an exploded appendix... I find now that when I get into any situation that causes me to worry even the tiniest bit my hands sweat to a crazy point. Which can get really embarrasing when trying to go for a job interview.. When it comes to playing I also have a whole range of insecurities and even just sitting at home pondering my current unemployment makes my hands sweat.. Its really horrible... Im sure its all in my head though because as soon as I go out or concentrate on doing something it seems to go away apart from playing. Right now I cant play much due to it since it feels aweful to play with wet hands and is totally annoying as I have things i want to play and songs I want to write.. So I feel your pain man.. as for what to do about it... the only thing I can think of is try meditating a bit, control your breathing to slow your heart rate etc.?? (maybe cut out caffeine? that seems to help some people). Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Zeppelinguy Posted May 21, 2012 Share Posted May 21, 2012 Story of my life. The only real solution is just to stop caring. I'm working on it myself. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Jeepaddict Posted May 21, 2012 Share Posted May 21, 2012 Many years ago, I was a Department manager at a mid sized company. I had never been stressed about speaking before. When it came time to give a presentation, the CEO and his buddies thought it was cool to heckle and derail the presenter. (The company shut down some years later, big surprise.) My Boss at the next company I worked at keyed in right away at my stress when presenting. He would have me present to him first, then a few co-workers, before speaking to a full room. There are lots of articles published to help you address your stress. The guy that runs the music store says that, as older players die off and move away, players end up buying a JamVox to fill the gap. I don't know how supportive your group is, I wonder if they are more problem or solution. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
LarryUK Posted May 21, 2012 Share Posted May 21, 2012 Go to the docs and ask for Propranolol. It's what the pro's use. I have it for anxiety. It really works. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Rabs Posted May 21, 2012 Share Posted May 21, 2012 Over the past few moneys I have been finding it more and more difficult to play with other people. There is no particular reason for this as the band I play with are old friends going back ten years. It has reached a stage when the gig is no longer a pleasure and I am concerned that it could reach a stage where I have to back out so another nail in the coffin as it were. I am by nature a bag of nerves but the situation is really concerning. We usually have a glass or two of wine during the session but this sometimes has the opposite effect. I was wondering if any members had experienced this and have any ideas on what to do or take, any advise would be most gratefully appreciated. Maybe this might help. Its a clip from a documentary about Quantum Physics called What the Bleep Do we Know (I suggest everyone should watch it, amazing stuff).. Anyway part of what they talk about is how the brain builds emotional connections to what ever it is we are experiencing.. See what you think Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
AlanH Posted May 21, 2012 Share Posted May 21, 2012 Find something to hide behind.......... ...like oodles of chorus and delay. You can make as many mistakes as you like, play half p**sed and, with everybody else making a racket, nobody will be any the wiser. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
jdgm Posted May 21, 2012 Share Posted May 21, 2012 Yes ive got this problem too.. Over the last few years ive lost family, been divorced and been made redundant twice and last year I almost died from an exploded appendix... I find now that when I get into any situation that causes me to worry even the tiniest bit my hands sweat to a crazy point. Which can get really embarrasing when trying to go for a job interview.. When it comes to playing I also have a whole range of insecurities and even just sitting at home pondering my current unemployment makes my hands sweat.. Its really horrible... Im sure its all in my head though because as soon as I go out or concentrate on doing something it seems to go away apart from playing. Right now I cant play much due to it since it feels aweful to play with wet hands and is totally annoying as I have things i want to play and songs I want to write.. So I feel your pain man.. as for what to do about it... the only thing I can think of is try meditating a bit, control your breathing to slow your heart rate etc.?? (maybe cut out caffeine? that seems to help some people). Hey Rabs...thanks for posting that, at least I'm not the only one. The last time I taught a new guitar pupil my head started sweating so much it was like I was having a shower, ugh...weird how it happens even when consciously I'm quite calm - there's a subconscious anxiety trigger (or something) to which the body produces this response, and I guess anxiety generally is a deep emotion/instinct that we all have to repress to get along in the world...but there's a name for the condition you describe: http://diaphoresis.net/ best wishes Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Rocky4 Posted May 22, 2012 Share Posted May 22, 2012 I can sit in my chair and play all day and manage to string some cool licks together, but I'm 0 for 2 trying out for bands. I absolutely lock up. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
rocketman Posted May 22, 2012 Share Posted May 22, 2012 It's very common. Although your issue may be a chemical imbalance the first thing is to make sure that it doesn't affect other situations. Anxieties tend to spread to other "normal" routines in your life. See a doctor and tell him/her that you'd like to use some standard treatments first before drugs. Most doctors understand this. Meditation helps, but it may not be enough. Drinking WILL make it worse. Music and public speaking are not an issue for me. My piano teacher once told me "if you're going to make a mistake let the entire world know it!" The point here is to give you confidence to not make it a big deal. It's like selling a stock. Never look back. Honestly it worked for me because after a while I just didn't care or get worried about playing in front of people with that attitude. The worst part is overthinking. This will start the classic fight/flight cycle. The books by Reid Wilson are great, which I highly recommend. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
AlanH Posted May 22, 2012 Share Posted May 22, 2012 ...oh and, sometimes, mistakes can make you money if you go on to build them in to your act: Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
surfpup Posted May 23, 2012 Share Posted May 23, 2012 The worst part is overthinking. This will start the classic fight/flight cycle. This is a very good point. I never get anxiety while playing, only before playing. Waiting backstage is like standing in line at the roller coaster. Once I get on the ride it's a blast, but thinking about getting on the ride is a moth3rfvck3r! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
fretplay Posted May 23, 2012 Author Share Posted May 23, 2012 I must admit I never expected to get a reply when I posted this topic but thank you all for your contributions. I was most surprised to find so many of you who suffer in the same way and I do hope that us all talking about it will help. This is not the first time this has happened to me and rather like pain you forget about it once it has gone away.I didn't expect it to come back but it did. I have tried the Propranolol route and it worked for a while but was hell to get off, there is also benzodiazepine route where you take a pill just before not sure how that would be with playing as there is concentration involved it certainly worked for my fear of flying but having said that I never fly now. I'll play tonight but not sure how I'll be or for how long I can do it but without doing it I wont know. Thanks again for your help guys, lets keep in touch. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Rabs Posted May 23, 2012 Share Posted May 23, 2012 I must admit I never expected to get a reply when I posted this topic but thank you all for your contributions. I was most surprised to find so many of you who suffer in the same way and I do hope that us all talking about it will help. This is not the first time this has happened to me and rather like pain you forget about it once it has gone away.I didn't expect it to come back but it did. I have tried the Propranolol route and it worked for a while but was hell to get off, there is also benzodiazepine route where you take a pill just before not sure how that would be with playing as there is concentration involved it certainly worked for my fear of flying but having said that I never fly now. I'll play tonight but not sure how I'll be or for how long I can do it but without doing it I wont know. Thanks again for your help guys, lets keep in touch. Thats what places like this are for so we as humans can share more. And the one other thing I would say about all this is that also sometimes sweating canbe caused from (strangely enough) dehydration. Try drinking two large glasses of water before you go on. That has actually helped me a few times (even though as said it could still be all in my mind)... Good luck for tonight.. let us know how it goes :) (and good on you for keeping going and not letting it stop you. That in the end is probably the most important thing, that we try regradless and gets you my respect ) Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Texasbluezman Posted May 23, 2012 Share Posted May 23, 2012 I've been playing for 26 years. I've never had anxiety, UNTIL I performed at a contest a few years ago. I had so much anxiety, it was patheticMy wife video taped it, and upon playback, I was embarassed for myself. Then just last night, I performed at GC's Battle of the Blues. My jeans were getting wet from wiping my hands on them. I had major anxiety all day. My performance was full of mistakes and missed notes. It didn't help that I got picked to go first. It's no wonder I didn't advance. On Sunday, I performed at an open jam. Everything was flawless. I also was the first to play again. But it didn't bother me. I was also singing. I have no problem playing in front of a bunch of drunk bikers, but you put 3 judges 10' in front of me and I just about freeze up! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
1998StandardSG Posted May 23, 2012 Share Posted May 23, 2012 Could be a number of things I know that I personally don't feel any pleasure playing with the group if we have been doing the same material for so long whether it be our originals or covers. Maybe that is a fraction of what you are experiencing. I also get a bit of anxiety if I haven't brushed up on material before a gig. Even though I can play the music in my sleep I think it's a psycological issue that I have to go over everything. But that's just me. I don't know if those are the same issues with what you are experiencing but... What I can say is to relax, music is about enjoyment and entertainment. If you start to feel any anxiety try to find something that can distract you from it or stop it. I know a lot of people do this and it works. I spoke with one person years ago that said if he started to feel any negativity or anxiety he would mentally say "cancel cancel" and that would help him shut of those feelings. Worth a try right? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
FirstMeasure Posted May 23, 2012 Share Posted May 23, 2012 why do you think so many performers have huge egos. It's not because they grow some Ego after they start playing, you have to have a pretty big ego in the first place if your gonna take the stage. It takes a certain amount of arrogance balanced by reality. The reality of the situation is you have to entertain these people, that can be a little intimidating if you're not an arrogant SOB. However if all you are is arrogant and have no chops the audience will turn on you. So you have to make sure you arrogance is rooted in ability, then just deliver the goods. Of course you also have to realize you're not the only one with the ability to entertain so you can leave your arrogance on stage. It's unfortunate, but we had to let a drummer go because he couldn't get his anxiety in order. He'd question every song, every drum hit, every reaction from the audience was perceived as negative, and he bit his nails to the point of eating his fingertips. After a couple months it was starting to really bring us down and it effected our performance. There was nothing I could say or do to break him of it. Oddly enough I was always nervous around people in typical situations, and to this day I'm unable to come off with comfortable small talk. But you show me a stage and I'm running to the front of it with a hot mic and guitar in hand. Of course I could say "Confidence" instead of "Arrogance", but I think it takes more than mere confidence to really entertain a crowd. You have to convince yourself that out of this entire crowd, you're the one that deserves to be up there. So it's a balance between having the ability, and knowing you have the ability. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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