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Does the Guitar Player ALWAYS get the girl?????


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Playing guitar does NOT mean you always get the girl. You have to be smooth too......and on your toes....


Pick-up Line Put-Downs


HE: Can I buy you a drink?

SHE: Actually I'd rather have the money.


HE: I'm a photographer. I've been looking for a face like yours.

SHE: I'm a plastic surgeon. I've been looking for a face like



HE: Hi. Didn't we go on a date once? Or was it twice?

SHE: Must've been once. I never make the same mistake twice.


HE: How did you get to be so beautiful?

SHE: I must've been given your share.


HE: Will you go out with me this Saturday?

SHE: Sorry. I'm having a headache this weekend.


HE: Your face must turn a few heads.

SHE: And your face must turn a few stomachs.


HE: Go on, don't be shy. Ask me out.

SHE: Okay, get out.


HE: I think I could make you very happy.

SHE: Why? Are you leaving?


HE: What would you say if I asked you to marry me?

SHE: Nothing. I can't talk and laugh at the same time.


HE: Can I have your name?

SHE: Why? Don't you already have one?


HE: Shall we go see a movie?

SHE: I've already seen it.


HE: Where have you been all my life?

SHE: Hiding from you.


HE: Haven't I seen you some place before?

SHE: Yes. That's why I don't go there anymore.


HE: Is this seat empty?

SHE: Yes, and this one will be if you sit down.


HE: So, what do you do for a living?

SHE: I'm a female impersonator.


HE: Hey baby, what's your sign?

SHE: Do not enter.


HE: Your body is like a temple.

SHE: Sorry, there are no services today.


HE: If I could see you naked, I'd die happy.

SHE: If I saw you naked, I'd probably die laughing.


HE: Where have you been all my life?

SHE: Where I'll be the rest of your life - in your wildest


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HE: Dammit but you are gorgeous.....

SHE: Yes, but not blind, stupid or desperate, so what was your point.....


Though there was one line that worked a long, long time ago.

I was a techie, she was a hot-hot-hot young training doctor going through our med-col.

I took one look at her at a party and said 'lets go home and make like rabbits', now I was working on the principle that a slap was better than nothing (that boring a party), but gosh and golly - she said 'nice idea.....' - and we did.


Nearly three years together (until she graduated and got posted) putting rabbits to shame.


Nothing ventured, nothing gained, and better to love and lose than never love at all.

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I touch the tip of my finger to my tounge' date=' then dab her on the sleeve and say, "Now, let's get you out of those wet clothes....."


No, it's never worked.[/quote']


i cant beat this one.


so i'll just add that, yes, the guitar player gets the girl but in my case its not neccessarily been the right one.

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Therm being in the medical field, I'm surprised you haven't heard this one:


Him to her: You know there are 208 bones in the female body.......would you like another one?


Then there is always the classic:


If I told you you had a good body, would you hold it against me????

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I don't know how original this is (not likely original) but a friend actually tried it.


"Hey, how 'bout a f*** and a pizza?"

"WHAT?! NO!"

"What's the matter, don't like pizza?"


And another, same scenario and disclaimer:


"Excuse me miss, would you like to dance?"

"No thank you."

"Oh, well, I had to go take a s*** anyway...."

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I don't know how original this is (not likely original) but a friend actually tried it.


"Hey' date=' how 'bout a f*** and a pizza?"

"WHAT?! NO!"

"What's the matter, don't like pizza?"


And another, same scenario and disclaimer:


"Excuse me miss, would you like to dance?"

"No thank you."

"Oh, well, I had to go take a s*** anyway...."[/quote']


Strange courtship rituals you have on that side of the water.


I have always found it infinitely preferable to have you card delivered to her mother, wait for consideration and then take the lady in question to a suitable venue with suitable


Failing that there's the johnt way


I used to be so cute, I just waited for them to ask me!



In the meantime here is a secion of the good old BBC site on the subject.



The Chat up Lines



"How're you doin'?"

"Get your coat love, you've pulled."

"Did it hurt...when you fell to Earth from Heaven?"

"Your feet must be tired, you've been running through my mind all day."

"If I said you had a beautiful body would you hold it against me?"

"Do you know wat would look good on you?...Me."

"Is there a mirror in your knickers...as I think I can see myself in them?"

"I don't suppose you know the number for the Ordinance survey?...I want to tell them I have found a Sight of outstanding natural beauty."

"My friend thinks you're hot, and if it's any consolation so do I."

"You looked bored so I thought I'd cheer you up..."(followed by joke)

"What's a nice person like you doing in a place like this?"

"Someone as lovely as you deserves to talk to someone much better than me."

"Hey there, won't you give me a smile. I've not seen one in a while. I'm sure you'd look better smiling."

"Say, haven't I had sex with you?"

First find out her name. Then go up to her and say "Excuse me, would you like to see my magic watch?"

When she says yes, peer at the watch and say right...I can tell that your name is (whatever).

She is very impressed...Continue to look at your watch and then say "I can also see that you are not wearing any knickers"

When she gets offended, bang the watch a few times and say "Damn, its fast again"!

"I have bagles, let's get naked!"

"20 ton penguin."wait for the appropriate confused reply, and then explain: "well, I had to break the ice somehow..."

"I love what you've done to your hair... but there's something missing....Hmmm....I know what it is - a smile."

"Your legs are like butter, so spread 'em."

"Alright big girl"

"I've lost my phone number, can I have yours?"

"The word of the day is legs; let's go upstairs and spread the word."

"F**k me if I'm wrong, but haven't I seen you here before?"

"I'm sorry..this is really quite embarrassing.... I actually have a fantastically large penis."

"Would you like a ride on my penis?....sorry, I mean motorbike"

"Hello, I'm blind. May I get to know you by rythmically kneading your breasts?"

Put 50p on the bar next to her and walk off. After a minute or two come back draw attention to the coin and say "It's still there - I thought you were going to phone your mum...." After she goes "what?", say, "To tell her you're not coming home tonight..."

Grin shyly and say "you look stunning tonight" and then walk away.

"Smile! Its the second best thing you can do with your lips... "

"What's your sign?"

"Can I buy you a drink?"

"Would you like to dance?"

"Hi, you don't know me, but I dreamt about you last night and thought it only fair to introduce myself."

"Excuse me, do you want a double entendre?"

"Was your father a thief, because he stole the stars and put them in your eyes."




The Ice-breakers



Nice weather we have today, isn't it?

Do you know how to spell...(Insert word here)?

What's the best way to...(Insert place here)?

I like your hat (or other item of clothing)

What's the time?


Do not use these lines


The following lines have produced unfavourable results for some of our researchers, try to avoid using them.



"Given that god is infinite, and that the universe is also infinite, would you like a shag?"- Unless the subject is a die-hard Red Dwarf fan

"You've got to tell me your name, because last night in my dreams I could only call you 'baby'."

"Do you have a screwdriver 'cos just looking at you makes my nuts tighten"

"You look like a woman who knows how to talk to men!" [leer]

"I love every bone in your body...especially mine."

"You don't sweat much for a fat girl"

"Hi my name is your name here, mind if I join you?" (saying the "your name here")... then as (s)he looks confused take out a page of similarly wrecked chat-up lines out of your pocket and try them in order...

"pull up chair, wink?"

"Page 42?"

"Remember: Always Smile?"

"what's a nice girl-slash-boy like you doing in a bar-slash-dance-slash-brothel like this?"

"Try to sound natural?"

When none of this works, curse at the guy who wrote the book, and stalk off.

"Do you know any good opening lines?"

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This is supposedly a true story.


T.S. Monk, the son of the great jazz pianist Thelonious Monk, was talking to his dad one day when he was very young. He said "Dad, when I grow up I want to be a musician".


His dad said "son, you can't do both".

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