Rockin365 Posted May 6, 2009 Author Share Posted May 6, 2009 X-mas stamps A blonde goes to the post office to buy stamps for her Christmas cards. She says to the clerk, "May I have 50 Christmas stamps?" The clerk says, "What denomination?" The blonde says, "God help us. Has it come to this? Give me 6 Catholic, 12 Presbyterian, 10 Lutheran and 22 Baptists." Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
King Matthew Posted May 6, 2009 Share Posted May 6, 2009 A precious little girl walks into a pet shop and asks, in the sweetest little lisp, between two missing teeth, "Excuthe me, mithter, do you keep widdle wabbits?" As the shopkeeper's heart melts, he gets down on his knees so that he's on her level and asks, "Do you want a widdle white wabbit, or a thoft and fuwwy bwack wabbit, or maybe one like that cute widdle bwown wabbit over there?" She, in turn, blushes, rocks on her heels, puts her hands on her knees, leans forward and says, in a tiny quiet voice, "I don't think my python weally gives a thit." Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
pippy Posted May 7, 2009 Share Posted May 7, 2009 What did the TeddyBears eat at the TeddyBear's Picnic? Nothing. They were all stuffed. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Rockin365 Posted May 7, 2009 Author Share Posted May 7, 2009 The Frog A beautiful, well endowed, young lady went to her local pet store in search of an exotic pet. As she looked about the store, she noticed a box full of frogs. The sign said: "Sex Frogs! Only $20 each! Money Back Guarantee! Comes with complete instructions." The girl excitedly looked around to see if anybody was watching her and whispered softly to the man behind the counter, "I'll take one." The man packaged the frog and said, "Just follow the instructions carefully." The girl nodded, grabbed the box, and quickly went home. As soon as she closed the door to her apartment, she read the instructions thoroughly and carefully. Then she followed the instructions to the letter: 1. Take a shower. 2. Splash on some nice-smelling perfume. 3. Slip into a very sexy teddy. 4. Crawl into bed and place the frog in the bed. She quickly got into bed with the frog. To her surprise, nothing happened. The girl was totally frustrated and quite upset. She reread the instructions and noticed that, at the bottom of the page, there was a note. It said, "If you have any problems or questions, please call the pet store." So, the lady called the pet store. The man said, "I had some other complaints earlier today. I'll be right over." Within five minutes, the man was ringing her doorbell. The lady welcomed him and said, "See, I've done everything according to the instructions and the damn frog just sits there." The man, looking very concerned, picked up the frog, stared directly into its eyes, and sternly said, "Listen to me! I'm only going to show you how to do this one more time!" Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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