MimingMinds Posted September 30, 2010 Share Posted September 30, 2010 http://aaronwinston.bandcamp.com/track/death-bed here's a song i just wrote. give me some criticism because i trust the people around here. recorded on a gibson too, go figure. give me anything let it show i've been yours for so much more well i've been down on my luck i've been running as fast as i could well i'll build a house with my own two hands read these books think i understand well i've got nothing i couldn't sell if you give me a second i think you'd like me well so i've been dying i'm on my death bed got these tubes in my arms yea it's all pretend if you give me a second i think you'd like me well been down on my luck with alcohol grew up in a box top home had my lovers still felt alone so i've been dying all alone i've got stories that never get told so i've been dying i'm on my death bed got these tubes in my arms yea it's all pretend if you give me a second i think you'd like me well been down on my luck with alcohol Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
jefleppard Posted September 30, 2010 Share Posted September 30, 2010 again - love your sound and voice. the recording is quite lush and the guitar sounds pure and rich. the songs arrangement was a bit clunky though. you sound rushed and it made it difficult to discern between the verses, bridge and chorus. maybe slowing the song down would help clear that up. before i go further, let me say that i think you've got an opportunity to develop into a fine artist. your lyrics hint at a need to comment on the human condition as it exists and reveals itself to us through everyday events. in this song particularly it seems as though you backed off on those kind of impactful statements in order to make things rhyme. what results is less close to the bone and winds up somewhere closer to just another folk singer with a good sound and nice voice with not much to say. sorry, nothing personal- this is just a pet peeve of mine. when the music is spare it gives the singer a chance to drive a message home.i've been hoping you'd continue down that road since i raved about your first piece. you can think dylan here but in a more modern context i'd point to conor oberst in his folkier moments. maybe i'm projecting here because anytime i relax or back off on some truth i always regret it. but, lol, that's just my two cents. who the f am i? keep playing. you're good at it. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
vincentw Posted September 30, 2010 Share Posted September 30, 2010 cool voice man.... yeah, song structure could be better. i won't get as heavy as the guy above me but I agree with most of his comments. Overall, great vibe, great vocals, keep going. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
MimingMinds Posted September 30, 2010 Author Share Posted September 30, 2010 cunkhead i hear you there. thanks for the two cents. i actually wrote this song on a tenor banjo but that's a bit harder to record than guitar. and now i'm at college so my free time to write and record is signifigantly decrease. i've got a song i've been working on that once i finish, i think you'll really like. the lyrics are a bit edgier. recently though, i've gotten really into simple folk songs just listen too. that and punk rock as per usual. i recorded this at four in the morning, so that contributes to the rushed pace which i initially didn't dwell on. maybe i'll rework this song lyrically and record it at a slower tempo just to see whats up. thanks for your continual support, it means a bit especially since you always have interesting stuff to say. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
suburude63 Posted October 1, 2010 Share Posted October 1, 2010 Great sound! Great voice ! Keep it going my friend! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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