Thought you would have...

[Californiaman]

grown out of that by now.

 

Can you imagine that. That was my father's response when he asked me what I got from the wife and kids for Christmas.

 

That's the kind of support I've gotten from him my entire life. He just doesn't get it. Never will. Too bad.

 

Rock-n-roll will never die!

[MojoRedFoot]

grown out of that by now.

 

Can you imagine that. That was my father's response when he asked me what I got from the wife and kids for Christmas.

 

That's the kind of support I've gotten from him my entire life. He just doesn't get it. Never will. Too bad.

 

Rock-n-roll will never die!

 

And what exactly did you get?

[Cruznolfart]

With tons of respect: Don't give up on him, Todd. A lot of men don't know how to talk to their sons...or to their fathers, for that matter. But don't give up on the both of you.

[Silverbursted]

At least you are still talking. I haven't spoken with my father for a very long time.

[Cruznolfart]

At least you are still talking. I haven't spoken with my father for a very long time.

 

I know it's none of my business, but I'm sorry to read this.

 

My Dad's been gone 11 years and one of the things that gives me comfort has always been that we "found" our way back to each other in time. It took a lot of "give" on both our parts. He was "the Colonel" and I was the "long-haired, dope-smokin', rock and roll playing motorcycle bum". Trust me, that was a LOT of ground to cover. We made it with several good years to spare. My older brother, however, had "issues". And now he can't do a thing about them.

 

I wish you luck and anything else it takes to find the way. And I apologize if this too personal.

[Californiaman]

My Dad's my dad with all of his faults and hang-ups. He's never been abusive, but he's never been supportive in anything I've ever done or wanted to do. It's weird. He's a great dad and all. It's just that what has interested me has never interested him. The only thing we have in common is family and golf and I don't golf any more. I spend my money on my kids and my wife. Just as he did for me and my brother and sister so long ago. He worked his life away for us, sometimes seven days a week. Swing shifts and days, sometimes graveyard. Over 30 years with the same company.

My mother and father did bring the family a great Christmas grift this year, a Wii gaming system.

[Cruznolfart]

My Dad's my dad with all of his faults and hang-ups. He's never been abusive' date=' but he's never been supportive in anything I've ever done or wanted to do. It's weird. He's a great dad and all. It's just that what has interested me has never interested him. The only thing we have in common is family and golf and I don't golf any more. I spend my money on my kids and my wife. Just as he did for me and my brother and sister so long ago. He worked his life away for us, sometimes seven days a week. Swing shifts and days, sometimes graveyard. Over 30 years with the same company.

My mother and father did bring the family a great Christmas grift this year, a Wii gaming system.

[/quote']

 

For many years I could almost taste my Dad's disapproval of pretty much everything about my life and lifestyle. His support, though grudging, was always there for me, however. But I was convinced I was pretty much nothing in my Father's eyes.

 

My 'Nam experience and having a couple of kids did a lot to change his perception of me...and, perhaps, mine of him. But we were still a long way away from each other.

 

One day he was with me when I had to stop by one of the business I managed, an equipment rental business. While I was there I had to move a couple of pieces of heavy equipment around on the lot, I don't remember why. But, when I returned to my car, my Dad said, with obvious wonderment, "I didn't know you knew how to operate that kind of equipment." I told him there was a big difference between driving one around and actually building something with it. But he'd have none of it, he went home and told Mom what kind of amazing thing he'd seen.

 

It was so strange I thought he was having one one me, although that wouldn't have been his style. But as it turned out, he had been, for whatever reason, genuinely impressed with something I thought was no big deal. And that was but the first of things to come, when my Dad experienced seeing me for who and what I was.

 

I don't know what happened to cause these changes. I do know he told me that the 25 years from 50 to 75 were the best years of his life; that he learned more in those years than the previous 50. More about life, people and himself. This from a guy who was a POW when he was 24. And I know that the disapproval I had seen was as much my not understanding him as it was him not understanding me.

 

Your Dad sounds like a good guy who's had to work for everything he ever had. To them, if you can't eat it or wear it, you don't need it. Kinda hard for them to get very excited about some of the things we might like. But, you never know. I hope he surprises you...both. Keep giving him the opportunity and he might.

[Californiaman]

Yeah, pop never saw too much for stuff. If he couldn't eat it or wear it he didn't have much use for it.

He gave me a cool Craftsman solder gun for Christmas this year, because he overheard me tell my mom I wanted to build an amplifier this year. That's what he said. So I guess he thinks I can do it. I used to be an electrical mechanic at McDonald Douglas Aircraft, same place he worked 30-plus years. I could only do it for five or six, got tired of the monotony of it all.

I think his giving me the soldering iron is his way of saying, "I'd like to see you build one." His next question would be, "So what are you going to do with it? Play it, or sell it?"

[Cruznolfart]

Yeah' date=' pop never saw too much for stuff. If he couldn't eat it or wear it he didn't have much use for it.

He gave me a cool Craftsman solder gun for Christmas this year, because he overheard me tell my mom I wanted to build an amplifier this year. That's what he said. So I guess he thinks I can do it. I used to be an electrical mechanic at McDonald Douglas Aircraft, same place he worked 30-plus years. I could only do it for five or six, got tired of the monotony of it all.

I think his giving me the soldering iron is his way of saying, "I'd like to see you build one." His next question would be, "So what are you going to do with it? Play it, or sell it?"[/quote']

 

LOL! OK, I gotta tell it for the umpteenth time. Dad hated R&R; called it "that damn thump-thump-thump noise you call music". But he bought my first drum kit, which I built on and used for many years. When we were talking as he was running out of life, he asked me "Do you still have those drums?" I laughed a bit and told him "I'll always have those drums, Pop, until I give them to your great grandson. I'd NEVER get rid of those drums." He was SO pleased, Todd, words would fall short in an effort to describe. There's no amount of money that could replace that moment for me.

[Silverbursted]

I know it's none of my business' date=' but I'm sorry to read this.

 

My Dad's been gone 11 years and one of the things that gives me comfort has always been that we "found" our way back to each other in time. It took a lot of "give" on both our parts. He was "the Colonel" and I was the "long-haired, dope-smokin', rock and roll playing motorcycle bum". Trust me, that was a LOT of ground to cover. We made it with several good years to spare. My older brother, however, had "issues". And now he can't do a thing about them.

 

I wish you luck and anything else it takes to find the way. And I apologize if this too personal.[/quote']

 

Thanks Cruz, I appreciate that. My father made choices that made continuing a relationship very difficult. I have always been a straight guy, Varsity sports, honor society, College graduate, never did drugs, I was a cop, an Army Officer, married once, raised a great kid. I think I did it all right according to the way he raised me. But his real colors showed while I was deployed to Desert Storm when he and his wife (not my mother), felt it was necessary to mind fu*k my wife. Obviously there is more to it than I'm telling, but it was real bad.

I spent a lot of time away from my family, serving in far off places, but since my retirement, I have made it a point to be very close to my son. We share the same passion for music, we are jamming buddies, and share guitars and amps. As a matter of fact, he was the one who bought me my first guitar 3 years ago (after not playing for more than 25 years).

I apologize for hijacking this thread, it wasn't my intention. Just raised some deep memories.

[milod]

I guess in ways I was pretty lucky with my Dad - now gone too.

 

We really got into it when I was 19 and already had been living away from home nearly 2 years; my stepmom (my "mother" already was gone from a car wreck and Dad remarried) smoothed stuff over pretty nicely. Maybe that's why I call her "Mom" with no problems nowadays.

 

But on the other hand, he never understood GAS at all. The style of music and stuff never bothered him much although he couldn't understand my enjoyment of bluegrass and blues. I think that was his own WWII Army experience coming out, but he'd been really into singing for maybe 20 years.

 

Although he once had a lousy guitar in the late 30s, then a tenor uke after I was pickin' a lot, I don't think he ever was into instrumental music but wasn't against it. Just didn't get it.

 

On the other hand, I think deep down he wanted me to be a college prof, lit, history, philosophy... whatever.

 

m