Fractured Musical Terms

[Notes_Norton]

Some are pretty funny :-D

 

A-B-A form: a musical convention long preferred by composers who can't "C."

 

Adagio fromaggio: to play in a slow and cheesy manner.

 

A la regretto: tempo assigned to a performance by the conductor AFTER it is panned by the local music critics.

 

Al capone: performing while standing on a neutered rooster.

 

Al dente con tableau: in opera, chew the scenery.

 

Allegro con brillo: the fastest way to wash pots and pans.

 

AnDante: A musical composition that is Infernally slow.

 

Angus Dei: a divine, beefy tone.

 

Antiphonal: referring to the prohibition of cell phones in the concert hall

 

A patella: unaccompanied knee-slapping.

 

Appologgiatura: an ornament you regret after playing it.

 

Approximatura: a series of notes played by a performer and not intended by the composer, especially when disguised with an air of "I meant to do that."

 

Approximento: a musical entrance that is somewhat close to the correct pitch.

 

Baffoon: baboon with bassoon.

 

Barbie dolce: sweet but plastic.

 

Bar line: what musicians form after a concert.

 

Bass lure: a seductive refrain.

 

Basso continuo: the act of game fishing after the legal season has ended.

 

Basso profundo: an opera about deep sea fishing.

 

Basso refundo: the sad but predictable consequence of the ill-fated "Three Basses" concert tour.

 

Brake drum: The instrument most used to slow the tempo in an orchestra.

 

Bull horn: a brass instrument that plays notes you wouldn't believe.

 

Cacophany: composition incorporating many people with chest colds. (or was that Cacoughany??)

 

Carmina banana: a medieval musical plantain.

 

Concerto con carne: a piece for single instrument played in a "chili" manner.

 

Concerto grosso: a really BAD performance.

 

Contrababoon: the simian assistant of a Latin American revolutionary organ grinder.

 

Coral Symphony: (see: Beethoven -- Caribbean period).

 

Cornetti trombosis: disastrous entanglement of brass instruments that can occur when musicians are not careful exiting the stage.

 

Crashendo: the increasing sense of aggravation felt by band members as those trumpet players keep dropping their mutes on the hard stage floor.

 

D.C. al capone: you betta go back to the beginning, capiche?

 

Dill piccolo: a high pitched wind instrument that plays only sour notes.

 

Diminderwindo: fading of daylight at dusk, as seen from indoors.

 

Diminuendo: the process of quieting a rumor in the orchestra pit.

 

Eardrum: a teeny, tiny tympani.

 

Etude brute: an early form of Roman music performed with a rapid, sharp, repetitive beat.

 

Fermantra: a note that is held over and over and over and...

 

Fermatahorn: an Alpine wind instrument used for playing long notes.

 

Fermoota: a rest of indefinite length and dubious value.

 

Fiddler crabs: grumpy string players.

 

Flute flies: gnat-like bugs that bother musicians playing out-of-doors.

 

Fog horn: a brass instrument that plays when the conductor's intentions are not clear.

 

Fortississippi: with mighty, flowing strength.

 

Frugalhorn: a sensible, inexpensive brass instrument.

 

Fruitti tutti: a chorus singing together in an exaggerated, overripe manner.

 

Gaul blatter: a French horn player.

 

Good conductor: A person who can give an electrifying performance.

 

Grace note: the I.O.U. you deposit in the church collection plate when you're out of cash.

 

Gregorian champ: the monk who can hold a note the longest.

 

Ground brass: when someone in the marching band drops a sousaphone.

 

Ground hog: someone who takes control of the repeated bass line and won't let others play it.

 

Herbert von Carryon: a conductor who never rides in the cargo hold.

 

Hyperportamento: a tone that soars, bends, strains until it pierces into another dimension and leaves, ever after, a porthole to heaven.

 

Kvetchendo: gradually getting ANNOYINGLY louder.

 

Maestrousseau: at the pace of a wedding march.

 

Mallade: a romantic song that's pretty awful

 

Matterhorn: an intrument of cosmic influence designed to create something out of nothing.

 

Molto bolto: head straight for the ending, but don't make it seemed rushed.

 

Mucho caffinato: play loudly enough to wake up those sleeping in the audience.

 

Oeuferture: musical composition commissioned by the National Egg Marketing Council.

 

OraToro: a lawn mower may be substituted for the original instrumentation at this point.

 

Opera buffa: musical stage production at a nudists' camp.

 

Pastorale: beverage to drink in the country when listening to Beethoven with a member of the clergy.

 

Phollyphonic: badly arranged harmonizations.

 

Pianorama: instrument capable of broad, sweeping musical performances.

 

Pipe smoker: an extremely virtuosic organist.

 

Pizzacato: the act of removing anchovies from an Italian dish with short, quick motions and tossing them to a nearby awaiting feline friend.

 

Placebo Domingo: faux tenor.

 

Pollyphonic: orchestra made up of lots of parrots

 

Poochini: When singing, to be accompanied by your dog.

 

Pre-Classical Conservatism: school of thought which fostered the idea, "if it ain't baroque, don't fix it"

 

Prelude: a cue, found in some of the earlier oratorios, instructing those singing the roles of the wicked to pray in an offensive or profane manner

 

Presto chango: quickly going from a very fast to a very slow tempo

 

Pseudo-dolce: Nutrasweet

 

(The) Rights of Strings: manifesto of the Society for the Prevention of Cruelty to Bowed Instruments.

 

Rooti tooti: use of a potato as a trumpet mute.

 

Rubato: cross between rhubarb and a tomato.

 

Schmaltzando: a sudden burst of music from the Guy Lombardo band.

 

Snacktus: Quiet, contemplative music played during the appetizer at Catholic wedding receptions

 

Sosaphone: a cylindrical wooden instrument used to play smash hits.

 

Spinet: politician's order .

 

Spritzicato: plucking of a stringed instrument to produce a bright, bubbly sound, usually accompanied by sparkling water with lemon (wine optional).

 

Status cymbal: an instrument to be played at inaugurations and socialite balls.

 

Tempe Arizona: a hot passage.

 

Tempo tantrum: what a young orchestra is having when it's not keeping time with the conductor.

 

Timpani alley: a row of kettledrums. Term originated in New York City area.

 

Tincanabulation: the annoying or irritating sounds made by an unmusical person using extremely cheap bells. From Poe's "The Bells" and "tin cans".

 

Toiletto: the effect on the human voice of reverberation in small rooms with ceramic tiles.

 

Trouble clef: any clef one can't read, e.g., the alto clef for pianists.

 

Vesuvioso: a gradual buildup to a fiery conclusion.

 

Woodwind: a noise in the game of golf, made by a club missing the ball on a tee shot

 

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Notes

[RichCI]

Guitar player terms

 

Vintage - Anything built prior to 2000 and/or a guitar player's own birth. Also an ambiguous referral to the sound any guitar or related peripheral device (pickups, strings, pedals, amplifiers, tuning forks...) when simply no other word will do or be found.

 

Warm - Usually used to describe something, particularly a pickup, that is actually bright sounding and not "warm" at all.

 

Creamy - Nobody really knows exactly what this means but guitar players like to use it to describe everything, especially if it's something they just bought an hour ago.