sdjjadk Posted December 13, 2010 Share Posted December 13, 2010 A guy gets pulled over for speeding, Deputy: You know why I pulled you over? Driver: yeah, I was speeding. Deputy: Why were you speeding? Driver: Well I just stole this car. Deputy: You just stole this car? Driver: Yep and I shot the owner and put him in the trunk! Deputy: you have a body in the trunk? Wheres the gun? Driver: In the glove box. Deputy: Step out of the car, lay on the ground! I'm calling my Captain! The Captain arrives on the scene and is briefed by the Deputy. The Captain searches the car and finds out there is no body, no gun and the car belongs to the driver on the ground! The Captain says to the guy on the ground, My deputy said you told him you stole this car, shot a guy, put him in the trunk and hid the gun in the glove box, whats going on? Driver: Your Deputy said all that? You know? I bet he said I was speeding too didn't he? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
sdjjadk Posted December 13, 2010 Share Posted December 13, 2010 What was the dirtiest thing ever said on TV? Wait for it....... Ward, I think you were a little hard on the Beaver last night! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
WahKeen Posted December 13, 2010 Share Posted December 13, 2010 Absent from school excuse note: Please excuse Amelia she has a sore throat, fever and a stomach ache. Her brother is sick too.. there must be something going around. Even her father got hot last night. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
TommyK Posted December 13, 2010 Share Posted December 13, 2010 Excellent!...... [lol] I love a joke that turns corners at the last minute. A friend asks a woman why she wears her wedding ring on the wrong hand. "I married the wrong man," was the answer. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
LarryUK Posted December 13, 2010 Share Posted December 13, 2010 A man say's to wife. 'Tell me something that'll make me happy and sad at the same time'? Wife answers........'Your **** is bigger than your brothers'. Wife say's to husband 'my breasts are too small, what can I do to make them bigger'? Husband replies....'Rub toilet paper between them'. Wife..'How will that work'? Husband...'It worked for your a**e'. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
LarryUK Posted December 13, 2010 Share Posted December 13, 2010 As I stepped on stage for the encore, I was showered with warm, moist knickers thrown by the adoring crowd. I picked up a pair and took a long, hard sniff. I love doing a gig at the local old peoples home. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
sdjjadk Posted December 14, 2010 Share Posted December 14, 2010 Little Johnny was in school learning mathematical equations. Mrs. Teacher: Okay Johnny, there are 3 geese sitting on a fence and you shoot one how many are left? Johnny: If you shoot 1 there would be 2 left. Mrs. Teacher: That is incorrect, if you shoot one, the others would get scared and fly away which would leave none. But I like the way you think. Johnny: Okay, I have one for you. There are 3 women sitting on a park bench eating ice cream cones. The 1st woman is biting and eating the ice cream, the 2nd woman is licking and nibbling the ice cream making sure there are no drips and the 3rd woman is tearing it up and gobbling the ice cream and cone down at the same time! Now Mrs. Teacher, which one is married? The Teacher thinks about it for a moment and answers, The one gobbling it down! Johnny: No Mam, that is wrong, it's one with the Wedding ring on her finger, but I like the way you think! Shawn Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
WahKeen Posted December 14, 2010 Share Posted December 14, 2010 So xdemonknight, dem00n, and tman are in third grade and the teacher wants them to make a sentence with the word calculator. Little xdemonknight says " I went to the store and bought a calculator", and the teacher said "good job!". then she asked dem00n to say his sentence. He said "I have a calculator in my backpack". the teacher was pleased and praised him for his sentence. Then she said it was tman's turn. so tman thought about it and said " ok miss... this morning I ate 2 tacos and 2 enchiladas, and then I caca later...“ Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
TommyK Posted December 15, 2010 Share Posted December 15, 2010 So xdemonknight, dem00n, and tman are in third grade and the teacher wants them to make a sentence with the word calculator. Little xdemonknight says " I went to the store and bought a calculator", and the teacher said "good job!". then she asked dem00n to say his sentence. He said "I have a calculator in my backpack". the teacher was pleased and praised him for his sentence. Then she said it was tman's turn. so tman thought about it and said " ok miss... this morning I ate 2 tacos and 2 enchiladas, and then I caca later...“ That's about the cleanest I've heard that one end. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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