damian Posted November 13, 2010 Share Posted November 13, 2010 Very good Dennis; Another Blues tomestone could be " Dig Me Up When She's Gone ".......And for Kieth's Tomestone " If You Dig Me Up " Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
daveinspain Posted December 11, 2010 Author Share Posted December 11, 2010 Bass player walks into a guitar store and says to the clerk, I'm interested in a piano.... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
WahKeen Posted December 11, 2010 Share Posted December 11, 2010 Shouldn't it have been repeated 3 times? Then the closing line of the verse is something like, "Oh God, I think I'm dead." Next verse repeats 3 times, "It's dark here where I'm traveling" and closes with, "I don't think this is Heaven"... Someone else can take it from there... "The devil don't like me.... Man I got the blues...." Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
stevef Posted December 11, 2010 Share Posted December 11, 2010 Subject: A Raise for the Maid The maid asked for a pay increase. The wife was very upset about this and decided to talk to her about the raise. Wife asks: 'Now Maria, why do you want a pay increase?' Maria: 'Well, Miss, there are three reasons why I want an increase. The first is that I iron better than you.' Wife: 'Who said you iron better than me?' Maria: 'Your husband says so.' Wife: 'Oh.' Maria: 'The second reason is that I am a better cook than you.' Wife: 'Nonsense, who said you were a better cook than me?' Maria: 'Your husband did.' Wife: 'Oh..' Maria: 'The third reason is that I am better at sex than you in bed.' Wife: (really furious now) 'Did my husband say that as well?' Maria: 'No Miss...the gardener did.' Wife: 'So how much do you want?' Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
daveinspain Posted December 11, 2010 Author Share Posted December 11, 2010 Subject: A Raise for the Maid The maid asked for a pay increase. The wife was very upset about this and decided to talk to her about the raise. Wife asks: 'Now Maria, why do you want a pay increase?' Maria: 'Well, Miss, there are three reasons why I want an increase. The first is that I iron better than you.' Wife: 'Who said you iron better than me?' Maria: 'Your husband says so.' Wife: 'Oh.' Maria: 'The second reason is that I am a better cook than you.' Wife: 'Nonsense, who said you were a better cook than me?' Maria: 'Your husband did.' Wife: 'Oh..' Maria: 'The third reason is that I am better at sex than you in bed.' Wife: (really furious now) 'Did my husband say that as well?' Maria: 'No Miss...the gardener did.' Wife: 'So how much do you want?' Excellent!...... [lol] Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
bigneil Posted December 11, 2010 Share Posted December 11, 2010 2 guys walk into a bar, you'd think one of them would have seen it! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Gilliangirl Posted December 11, 2010 Share Posted December 11, 2010 How do you get a duck to sing the blues? Put it in the oven until its bill withers. What's the difference between a banjo and an onion? No one ever cried when you cut up a banjo. Two cannibals eating a clown. One turns to the other and says "Does this taste funny to you?" Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
daveinspain Posted December 11, 2010 Author Share Posted December 11, 2010 How do you get a duck to sing the blues? Put it in the oven until its bill withers. What's the difference between a banjo and an onion? No one ever cried when you cut up a banjo. Two cannibals eating a clown. One turns to the other and says "Does this taste funny to you?" I don't get the duck one.... EDIT ( OK, now I get it now ) The cannibals is funny though... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Big Bill Posted December 11, 2010 Share Posted December 11, 2010 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
daveinspain Posted December 11, 2010 Author Share Posted December 11, 2010 That was cold.... clever but cold.... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
DennisMiller Posted December 11, 2010 Share Posted December 11, 2010 I love the duck joke. I'm going to go tell that over in a different forum. You get all the credit, but that's just really funny. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
damian Posted December 11, 2010 Share Posted December 11, 2010 An original from little 'ol humble me; Why did the blues guitarist cross the road ??? To get to the other slide !!!!!!!! ........... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
MrNylon Posted December 12, 2010 Share Posted December 12, 2010 Why did the moron cross the street? To buy a Fender Bass. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Andy R Posted December 12, 2010 Share Posted December 12, 2010 An original from little 'ol humble me; Why did the blues guitarist cross the road ??? To get to the other slide !!!!!!!! ........... Damian - You're pretty "sharp" and that's not "Natural" Sorry for the pun I hope it doesn't fall "flat" If it did it was purely "Accidental" Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Andy R Posted December 12, 2010 Share Posted December 12, 2010 Is it politically correct to make jokes about the Short and Dumb? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
LarryUK Posted December 12, 2010 Share Posted December 12, 2010 The girls call me a 'five times a night' man. But hey, I've always had a weak bladder. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
LarryUK Posted December 12, 2010 Share Posted December 12, 2010 That doesn't look like a mouth? Thought the cucumber. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
LarryUK Posted December 12, 2010 Share Posted December 12, 2010 What's got a hundred legs and grey pubic hair? The front row of a Rolling Stones concert. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
LarryUK Posted December 12, 2010 Share Posted December 12, 2010 Italian Funeral home................. Pasta way! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
LarryUK Posted December 12, 2010 Share Posted December 12, 2010 I never let my kids watch big band performances on tv. Too much sax and violins. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
daveinspain Posted December 12, 2010 Author Share Posted December 12, 2010 [lol] Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
daveinspain Posted December 13, 2010 Author Share Posted December 13, 2010 I made this one up... Guy walks into a glue factory and asks if there are any job openings... The answer was, no sorry not at this time so he said, well do you mind if I stick around a while.... [lol] Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Andy R Posted December 13, 2010 Share Posted December 13, 2010 Chi Wong comes to a street light and turns left..... Chen Wong comes to a street light and turns left....... What's the moral to the story? Wait for it........ Two Wongs don't make a right! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
WahKeen Posted December 13, 2010 Share Posted December 13, 2010 Guy walks into an antique store and says "Hey, what's new?" Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
sdjjadk Posted December 13, 2010 Share Posted December 13, 2010 What was the last thing that passed through the bugs mind when it hit the windshield? It's @*$ Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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