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Updated funniest Country song list.......lol

onewilyfool

By onewilyfool
in Gibson Acoustic

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onewilyfool

onewilyfool

Posted
Posted

These are too funny.....

 

Get Off the Table, Mabel (the $2 is for the Beer)

 

I Bought the Shoes that Just Walked Out on Me

 

How Can I Get Over You if You Won't Get Out from Under Me?

 

I Went Back to My Fourth Wife for the Third Time and Gave Her a Second Chance to Make a First Class Fool Out of Me

 

I've Got Tears in my Ears from Lyin' on my Back in my Bed While I Cry Over You

 

I Want a Beer as Cold as My Ex-Wife's Heart

 

It's Hard to Kiss the Lips at Night that Chew Your *** Out All Day Long

 

I Slipped and Fell in Love

 

Billy Broke My Heart at Walgreens and I Cried All the Way to Sears

 

Hair in My Eyes Like a Highland Steer

 

I Can't Get Over You, So Why Don't You Get Under Me?

 

My Give-A-Damn's Busted

 

If I Had My Life to Live Over, I'd Live Over a Delicatessen

 

If I Were In Your Shoes, I'd Walk Right Back To Me

 

Tequila Makes Her Clothes Fall Off

 

All My Exes Live in Texas

 

She Thinks My Tractor's Sexy

 

Saddle Up the Stove, Ma, I'm Riding the Range Tonight

 

I Thought She Was Out Jogging, But She Was Running Around On Me

 

Am I Double Parked by the Curbstone of your Heart?

 

If the Phone Don't Ring, It's Me Not Calling You Up

 

All the Guys Who Turn Me On Turn Me Down

 

Get Your Tongue Outta My Mouth 'Cause I'm Kissing You Goodbye

 

(Pardon Me) I've Got Someone To Kill

 

Peel Me a Nanner

 

I Don't Care if it Rains or Freezes, As Long as I Have My Plastic Jesus (Sittin' on the Dashboard of My Car)

 

I Got In At 2 With A 10 And Woke Up At 10 With A 2

 

If The Jukebox Took Teardrops I'd Cry All Night Long

 

If Love Were Oil, I'd be a Quart Low

 

Her Teeth Were Stained, But Her Heart was Pure

 

I Don't Know Whether To Come Home Or Go Crazy

 

I Kissed Her on the Lips, and Left Her Behind for You

 

Her Body Couldn't Keep You Off My Mind

 

Her Cheatin' Heart Made A Drunken Fool Out Of Me

 

I Don't Want Your Body If Your Heart's Not In It.

 

I Just Bought A Car From The Guy That Stole My Girl, But The Car Don't Run So I Figure We Got An Even Deal

 

I Gave Her My Heart and a Diamond and She Clubbed Me with A Spade

 

Out Of My Head And Back In My Bed

 

You're A Cross I Can't Bear

 

At the Gas Station of Love, I Got the Self-Service Pump

 

How Come Your Dog Don't Bite Nobody But Me?

 

If I Can't Be Number One In Your Life, Then Number Two On You

 

If I Had Shot You When I Wanted To, I'd Be Out By Now

 

I Wish I Were a Woman (So I Could Go Out With a Guy Like Me)

 

I Would Have Wrote You a Letter, But I Couldn't Spell Yuck!

 

It Don't Feel Like Sinnin' To Me

 

I'm Gettin' Gray From Being Blue

 

If You Can't Live Without Me, Why Aren't You Dead Yet?

 

Would Jesus Wear A Rolex On His Television Show?

 

You Hurt The Love Right Out Of Me

 

I Sat Down On a Beartrap (Just This Morning)

 

I Sent Her Artificial Flowers For Her Artificial Love

 

Mama, Get The Hammer (There's A Fly On Papa's Head)

 

Heaven's Just A Sin Away

 

She Made Toothpicks Out Of The Timber Of My Heart

 

I Was Looking Back to See If You Were Looking Back to See If I Was Looking Back to See if You Were Looking Back at Me

 

Guess My Eyes Were Bigger Than My Heart

 

If Fingerprints Showed Up On Skin, Wonder Whose I'd Find On You

 

Keep Forgettin' I Forgot About You

 

Liked You Better Before I Knew You So Well

 

Gave Her My Heart and a Diamond And She Clubbed Me With a Spade

 

I Don't Know Whether To Kill Myself Or Go Bowling

 

Going to Hell in Your Heavenly Arms

 

If Whiskey Were A Woman I'd Be Married For Sure

 

It Ain't Love But It Ain't Bad

 

Still Miss You Baby, But My Aim's Gettin' Better

 

I Wouldn't Take Her To a Dog Fight, Cause I'm Afraid She'd Win

 

I've Been Flushed From The Bathroom Of Your Heart

 

She Feels Like A New Man Tonight

 

Are You Drinkin' with Me, Jesus?

 

I May Be Used (But Baby I Ain't Used Up)

 

I Hate Every Bone in Your Body (Except Mine)

 

I'm The Only Hell Mama Ever Raised

 

If Drinkin' Don't Kill Me Her Memory Will

 

Velcro Arms, Teflon Heart

 

If You Can't Feel It (It Ain't There)

 

Your Negligee Has Turned To a Flannel Nightgown

 

You're The Hangnail In My Life, And I Can't Bite You Off

 

You Changed Your Name From Brown to Jones, and Mine From Brown to Blue

 

Touch Me With More Than Your Hands

 

The Last Word In Lonesome Is "Me"

 

Do You Love As Good As You Look

 

I'll Marry You Tomorrow But Let's Honeymoon Tonight

 

Who's Makin' Time with the Time Keeper's Daughter, when the Time Keeper's Keepin' Time?

 

When We Get Back To the Farm (That's When We Really Go To Town)

 

Walk Out Backwards Slowly So I'll Think You're Walking In

 

All I Want From You is Away

 

My Shoes Keep Walkin' Back to You

 

You Stuck My Heart In a Old Tin Can and Shot It Off a Log

 

And There was Grandma, Swingin' on the Outhouse Door, Without a Shirt On

 

How Can I Miss You When You Won't Go Away?

 

I'd Rather Pass a Kidney Stone than Another Night With You

 

Why Do You Believe Me When I Tell You That I Love You When You Know I've Been A Liar All My Life?

 

He's Been Drunk Since His Wife's Gone Punk

 

You're the Reason Our Kids Are So Ugly

 

I Keep Forgettin' I Forgot About You

 

She Got The Gold Mine and I Got The Shaft

 

Come Out of the Wheatfield Nelly, You're Going Against the Grain

 

My Wife Ran Off With My Best Friend And I Sure Do Miss Him

 

I Changed Her Oil, She Changed My Life

 

Drop Kick Me, Jesus, Through The Goalposts Of Life

 

Thank God And Greyhound She's Gone

 

Don't Chop Any Wood, Mother, I'm Comin' in With a Load

 

If You Don't Leave Me Alone I'll Go And Find Someone Else Who Will

 

She Got The Ring And I Got The Finger

 

I've Got The Hungries For Your Love And I'm Waiting In Your Welfare Line

 

Bubba Shot the Jukebox

 

I Fell In A Pile Of You And Got Love All Over Me.

 

There Ain't Enough Room in my Fruit of the Looms to Hold All My Lovin' for You

 

Four on the Floor and a Fifth Under the Seat

 

She Offered Her Honor, He Honored Her Offer, and All Through the Night it Was Honor and Offer

 

Get Your Biscuits In The Oven And Your Buns In Bed

 

My John Deere Was Breaking Your Field While Your Dear John Was Breaking My Heart

 

Thanks To the Cathouse, I'm In The Doghouse With You

 

How Can A Whiskey That's 6 Years Old Whup A Man That's 33?

 

They May Put Me In Prison But They Can't Stop My Face From Breaking Out

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TommyK

TommyK

Posted
Posted

"I Got In At 2 With A 10 And Woke Up At 10 With A 2"

Yup, I remember that 'un.

 

What did I tell you about country songs being a warning.

 

Which would seem to be a follow up to a song missing from the above list:

"The Girls All Get Prettier at Closing Time."

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Gilliangirl

Gilliangirl

Posted
Posted

ROFL!!! I know at least some of those are real because I've heard them. All my exes live in Texas is George Strait. I used to love that song lol!

 

Brad Paisley writes some humourous songs..... check out:

(she leaves because she's tired of his fishing hobby)

Come to think of it, Brad P writes a whole lotta good and amusing songs...

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