“Fields of Stubble Straw”

[dhanners623]

5 hours ago, MissouriPicker said:

God, good job, David!  You and Ben are killin’ me with these songs about “real” people.  It’s great to dig-out an old song you wern’t quite satisfied with and turn it into a winner.  Keep’ em coming!  You guys are inspiring me.

Thanks for the kind words. I’m now down the rabbit hole of experimenting with different versions and trying to figure out which I like best. I’ve got a version with the victims’ names, one without, one that turns the “Prairie winds cut so cold…” verse into a chorus and one edited down to 96 words.

For the record, here is the 96-word version. I think it needs the verse explaining the “perfect crime” motive, but I was just experimenting.

Fields of Stubble Straw

© 2024 by David Hanners         

 

Jerry Darling and Wesley Hall

Were honest, good and sound

Died in a crime that had no reason or rhyme

On a hog farm south of town

 

Two half-wits they worked with

Shot Hall and Darling dead

Stole 400 bucks and Darling’s pickup truck

And away they fled

 

The dime-store Dillingers sped south

On their flight from the law

Run out of luck trying to repaint that truck

Next day down in Oklahoma

 

Those prairie winds cut so cold

In winter, they chaff you raw

Leaves you low and dying

In a field of stubble straw

 

Edited January 16 by dhanners623

[Murph]

Dig it!

[dhanners623]

6 hours ago, Murph said:

Dig it!

Thanks. Still editing. Then I think of James McMurtry and think, “Why make it shorter? Flesh it out in all its gory glory.”

[PrairieDog]

42 minutes ago, dhanners623 said:

Thanks. Still editing. Then I think of James McMurtry and think, “Why make it shorter? Flesh it out in all its gory glory.”

Right on! First time I ever came across McMurtry was an Austin City Limits that came on with the TV.  He was doing Choctaw Bingo.  I was agape.  Nearly monotone, but just the right inflection here and there, and pretty basic chucking along. The thing was way too long, but I still didn’t want that effing song to end 😂  20 years later we still throw random quotes from it into conversations, “Tried to miss him, but didn’t quite,” lol.  That “mmhHHmmm” he throws in at the right moment is a stroke of lyric genius, talk about saying everything by saying nothing at all.  An American musical legend.  

Edited January 16 by PrairieDog

[dhanners623]

58 minutes ago, PrairieDog said:

Right on! First time I ever came across McMurtry was an Austin City Limits that came on with the TV.  He was doing Choctaw Bingo.  I was agape.  Nearly monotone, but just the right inflection here and there, and pretty basic chucking along. The thing was way too long, but I still didn’t want that effing song to end 😂  20 years later we still throw random quotes from it into conversations, “Tried to miss him, but didn’t quite,” lol.  That “mmhHHmmm” he throws in at the right moment is a stroke of lyric genius, talk about saying everything by saying nothing at all.  An American musical legend.  

“Choctaw Bingo” clocks in at 664 words. And over 8 minutes. Ordinarily, I’d say, “Whoa there, Hoss,” but he gets going on the story and it’s quite a yarn. Not too many people can pull that off, and even those who can don’t try and pull it off that often.

The longest song I have is 507 words (in 11 verses) and it’s been years since I’ve performed it live. I’m certainly no McMurtry, although he is an inspiration.

I don’t know what it is, but I get self-conscious if I write long.

[Red 333]

On 1/13/2024 at 6:18 PM, dhanners623 said:

Everything I’ve read or heard locally says as hard as it is to believe, they just thought they could pull off the perfect crime. (Don’t expect rational thinking from irrational people….) From all indications, the killers were actually friends with the victims and there was no bad blood. It was payday, and Hall had cashed his paycheck and so they took $400 he had, and they took Darling’s pickup. The sheriff’s department said the “perfect crime” thing was hard to comprehend, but that’s the only explanation the defendants ever gave. They couldn’t pull off a perfect shoplifting of a pack of gum from the town’s lone convenience store.

Being a modern hog operation, you had to shower before entering the facility and upon exiting. They shot one of the victims as he was showering. They dumped both the bodies in a retention pond, which is about as despicable as you can get.

Here are revised lyrics. They used a .22 rifle; I made up the Ruger part. I’ve emailed the sheriff’s office to see if they remember the make and model.

Fields of Stubble Straw

© 2024 by David Hanners         

 

Jerry Darling and Wesley Hall

Were good and honest men

Worked a hog farm east of Route 49

That’s where they met their end

 

Two half-wits they worked with had a Ruger .22

Shot Hall and Darling dead

Stole 400 bucks and Darling’s truck

And away they fled

 

The dime-store Dillingers sped south

On their flight from the law

Run out of luck trying to repaint that truck

Next day down in Oklahoma

 

Told the cops their only aim

Was to commit the perfect crime

Like Stupid met Evil and had a child

On that hog farm east of Route 49

 

Prairie wind cuts so cold

In winter, it chaffs you raw

Leaves you low and dying

In a field of stubble straw

Love it. It's both journalistic is detail (as noted) and poetic in imagery. A very strong combination. And  the way you sing it evokes a mournful wind scraping that frozen ground. Perfect for the story.

If you  decide to semi-fictionalize it now (the addition Ruger), may I suggest they repaint the truck "next day down in Arkansas?" Rhymes more easily with "flight from the law" than Oklahoma, and not too far (literally) from the truth (though you certainly make Oklahoma work  in how you sing it). Pardon my two cents and make of it what you will.

Great job!

Red 333

[livemusic]

On a constructive note, I did not care for using "Oklahoma" either. Didn't work for me. "

Kudos to you for taking this on, good job! And doing the rewrites. I have written several songs about real tragedy.

As for word count, it is a big concern for me, I am always wary. Wordy songs can certainly work (cue Dylan) and I have a bunch of 'em! I usually write 'normal' length or word count but I def enjoy writing wordy songs. Fun!