milod Posted May 11, 2009 Share Posted May 11, 2009 Djroge... You're gettin' close, I think. We know from some pedagogy that kids generally start associating with the outside word - in spite of attending school - somewhere around age 10. There even once was a marketing concept based on quite a bit of study that "you are what you were when" - and that "when" was roughly age 10. That marketing concept went this way: Although I may be a socialist and "John-b-dumb," who also was born in the same year/era, is a radical libertarian, because of what was happening in the world when we hit roughly age 10, we still have similar essential mindsets that makes marketing goods and services pretty much the same to both of us. For what it's worth, that concept may be a bit dated since I don't believe it ever was updated beyond the Boomer age group, but it did help sell a lot of goods and services by appealing to specific mindsets. Also, kids are known not to really "get" the concept of metaphor and irony until roughly age 12. So... when I take pix of elementary school kids and use my horrid puns, even monolingual puns (bilingual is great fun and every cupla years one might hit something tri-lingual), the kids just don't get it. What that means is that before a child "gets it" in terms of a metaphorical sort of "punishment," something more direct and straightforward makes better sense. One needn't beat the snot out of a preadolescent, but it may take a "punishment" that is more directly associated with the undesired act. The problem there is, how does the kid see that straight-line cause and effect? That's apparently where a little talking is needed. Pushups used to be a pretty good "punishment" in teaching/coaching younger kids when they didn't pay attention - but that "punishment" also is directly related both to getting the kid's attention and holding it as much as anything else. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
guitar_randy Posted May 11, 2009 Share Posted May 11, 2009 Fear us ,no.I don't want my kids to be afraid of me.I want them to feel they can come to me with anything. They should fear doing wrong,but should not fear me Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Rocky4 Posted May 11, 2009 Author Share Posted May 11, 2009 Here's an example: How does a less than liked new stepfather handle a disrespectful 9 year old? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Cruznolfart Posted May 11, 2009 Share Posted May 11, 2009 Here's an example: How does a less than liked new stepfather handle a direspectful 9 year old? Step-parenting and parenting are two entirely different skill sets. Some of them are interchangeable but not most. Waaaaaaaay more politics involved in stepping. I don't envy anyone that position, particularly if one of the minors is patently disrespectful or an outright trouble-maker. IMHO, one of THE most important ingredients is exceptional communication between adults and consistency in their policies. OK, that's two. Don't hit me. :- Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
milod Posted May 11, 2009 Share Posted May 11, 2009 Cruznolfart.... +1 or... maybe +1 googolplex... What may be worse is the step kid who is nice until 18 in order to "get stuff," then turns nasty as an adult when it's harder to get stuff from the parent/step-parent combo. The communication thing is paramount. Frankly I've seen situations where kids were horridly screwed up and even had court-appointed shrinks where the two parents and resultant step-parents were totally different in philosophy and lifestyle and had little or no respect for the philosophy and lifestyles of the other. Sad for the kids who likely will act out - or worse... m Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
badbluesplayer Posted May 11, 2009 Share Posted May 11, 2009 This is a great thread. I got the crap beat out of me all the time. When the old man got pissed off at somebody at work, he'd come home and hammer me and my sisters. He laughed while he beat us. What kinda loser beats his daughter? Once you start spanking, you're walking a fine line. If it starts to escalate, then it's your fault, not your kid's. Not saying spanking is always bad, but it didn't work out in our family. My old man can work it out with St. Peter. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Rocky4 Posted May 11, 2009 Author Share Posted May 11, 2009 This is a great thread. I got the crap beat out of me all the time. When the old man got pissed off at somebody at work' date=' he'd come home and hammer me and my sisters. He laughed while he beat us. What kinda loser beats his daughter? Once you start spanking, you're walking a fine line. If it starts to escalate, then it's your fault, not your kid's. Not saying spanking is always bad, but it didn't work out in our family. My old man can work it out with St. Peter.[/quote'] I didn't have to deal with that growing up, but I think your situation is more common than people like to think. With young people being more sexually active than ever, more babies are born to parents who see their child as an unfortunate result of sex. The young parents rarely show the child the love it needs. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
TommyK Posted May 11, 2009 Share Posted May 11, 2009 Kids need a healty fear of their father. Beaching walls depends on what was done and how old the boy was. (only boys) If he's 16 and just lipped off to his mother... yup. Then,.... once he knew what he did wrong and apologized to his mother, you both need to get out the wall board and spackle and repair the wall and relationship damage. Kids who are not disciplined have no self discipline. Get them young and they'll be self disciplined when they are older. There are kids who have no 'self will' and will do what you tell them with no threat of corporal punishment. Some might call these kids angels. Maybe so, but some do expeience trouble saying, "No", to anyone when they are older. Then... the trouble starts. Others are a hand full and corporal punishment gains their attention. There are some bleeding heart liperals who think spanking should not be done and call parents beasts and call the law on them. These people have NO CLUE what it takes to raise kids. These people are the bane of society. There is a fine line between spanking and beating. If you don't know what that is... don't spank. Your experience with applying the appropriate amount of corporal punishment leading to well mannered and behaved kids is repeated to me by other people with well reared children quite often. I have gotten unsolicited compliments on my kids' behavior when we took them to restaurants when the oldest was a pre-teen and the youngest a toddler. I have done something right as my dad and mom got the same compliment when I was that age... and a holy terror if my parents allowed it... which they didn't. To get a compliment about the way you raised your children when they are adults is truly a crown on the parenting expience. I got one once and haven't been able to keep the buttons on my shirt since. Good Job Dad. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
TommyK Posted May 11, 2009 Share Posted May 11, 2009 No' date=' no no no...... NO!!! Love your children... Show them that you love them, hug them, hold them let them know they are the most important thing in your life. One of the things I have seen living in Spain is that the family unit is very united. Families do things together. The Spanish culture has many family oriented traditions that calls for participation from the whole family. It is very common to see Fathers and sons holding hands walking down the street. When the children come in a room and see their parents they give them a hug and kiss, mother and father. It's so nice to see and reflects into the whole society. When large groups of people attend an event, say a concert or a football game the is never any fights or trouble. At large events there is hardly even a police presence. Don't be afraid to show your kids some affection... Pick them up, hug them, kiss them, make funny fart noises on their necks. You can be stern with them and let them know when they do something wrong but hitting them will make them hate you not respect you. Let the mere fact that they have let you down or disappointed you be the punishment. Love and respect will give you a long and healthy family life. Not fear. I say all this out of experience of being a child not as being a parent...[/quote'] Agree wholeheartedly. Hugs and kisses should far ought way the number of spankings. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Rocky4 Posted May 11, 2009 Author Share Posted May 11, 2009 Kids need a healty fear of their father. Beaching walls depends on what was done and how old the boy was. (only boys) If he's 16 and just lipped off to his mother... yup. Then' date='.... once he knew what he did wrong and apologized to his mother, you both need to get out the wall board and spackle and repair the wall and relationship damage. Kids who are not disciplined have no self discipline. Get them young and they'll be self disciplined when they are older. There are kids who have no 'self will' and will do what you tell them with no threat of corporal punishment. Some might call these kids angels. Maybe so, but some do expeience trouble saying, "No", to anyone when they are older. Then... the trouble starts. Others are a hand full and corporal punishment gains their attention. There are some bleeding heart liperals who think spanking should not be done and call parents beasts and call the law on them. These people have NO CLUE what it takes to raise kids. These people are the bane of society. There is a fine line between spanking and beating. If you don't know what that is... don't spank. Your experience with applying the appropriate amount of corporal punishment leading to well mannered and behaved kids is repeated to me by other people with well reared children quite often. I have gotten unsolicited compliments on my kids' behavior when we took them to restaurants when the oldest was a pre-teen and the youngest a toddler. I have done something right as my dad and mom got the same compliment when I was that age... and a holy terror if my parents allowed it... which they didn't. To get a compliment about the way you raised your children when they are adults is truly a crown on the parenting expience. I got one once and haven't been able to keep the buttons on my shirt since. Good Job Dad. [/quote'] +1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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