Rocky4 Posted May 10, 2009 Share Posted May 10, 2009 I have two kids, a 24 year old boy and an 18 year old girl. I have had people go out of their way to tell me how good my kids are. What did I do? I don't have a clue. I mean I DON'T HAVE A CLUE. I probably spanked my boy a few times, and I might have been very vocal at times. When it was bedtime, they went to bed. When they were loud, we said be quiet and they were quiet. Of course as they go into the mid- teens, rebellion set in, but nothing major. They were loved and knew it. My daughter might have been afraid of disobeying because she couldn't stand us being mad at her, but my boy pretty much did as he was told. Why? Here's my problem.... I got divorced and met a girl with three boys a few years ago. They have absolutely no respect for her at all. If she tells them it's bed time, they ignore her. They don't talk back, they just don't listen to her. Why? She is completely against physical punishment. She doesn't have a mean bone in her body. When she yells, she sounds like Shirley Temple. She asked me why they don't listen, I said it's because they don't fear her. If you don't spank your kids, or if they know they will not be spanked, why would they listen? Their are no consequences. I feared my dad and knew he would get physical. I know guys who have been knocked out by their dads. I know guys who have been literally shoved though walls by their dads. They grew up ok. The question is, should your children fear you? Should they listen to you because if they don't they'll get the belt? If not, what works? What non physical method works? Time outs? What if they say no? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
KSG_Standard Posted May 10, 2009 Share Posted May 10, 2009 Good question...Who knows? I chose yes, but I don't really think that they need to fear us, but rather they need to fear the consequences we can bring to bear if they don't obey. I didn't fear my father, but I did fear his left hook later in life... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Rocky4 Posted May 10, 2009 Author Share Posted May 10, 2009 Good question...Who knows? I chose yes' date=' but I don't really think that they need to fear us, but rather they need to fear the consequences we can bring to bear if they don't obey. I didn't fear my father, but I did fear his left hook later in life...[/quote'] Never under estimate your old man Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
The Mick Posted May 10, 2009 Share Posted May 10, 2009 just walk into your local Wal-Mart and see all the little a holes who run rampant. They don't get spanked or they're just allowed to do as they please. Every time Eye see this all Eye think is that little brat is going to grow up and be another jack a** Eye'll have to deal with somewhere someday. Our kids are 23 and 25 they still know when they've f'd up and it's yes M'am no Sir real quick. However they are very respectfully and polite people and do well in society very well actually. Son works for the airline's as a mechanic and daughter graduated from Yale last year and will be going to Med school next year. So spank'em and teach them some manors. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
The Mick Posted May 10, 2009 Share Posted May 10, 2009 Good question...Who knows? I chose yes' date=' but I don't really think that they need to fear us, but rather they need to fear the consequences we can bring to bear if they don't obey. I didn't fear my father, but I did fear his left hook later in life...[/quote'] + 100 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Homz Posted May 10, 2009 Share Posted May 10, 2009 I have never feared my parents. I respected them. I don't remember ever getting a spanking from my dad. As for my kids. I have two children. One is the most perfect child anyone could imagine. She is now 15 and does everything she is asked and never gives me any back talk. There are times she does roll her eyes and shake her head, but that and the brief fixation with goth stuff is the extent of her bad behavior. The other child. My 9 year old son is the most free spirit kid you could imagine. He truly reminds everyone of me. He doesn't listen to me or my wife half the time. On rare occurrences he gets a swat on the butt to get his attention. It usually works and he knows I mean what I say. This kid is exceptional. I stated earlier tonight to my wife (wicked 1), if he makes it out of young adulthood he will be someone special. To answer the question, I think it is important to balance the issues of respect and free spirit. As you have stated, I can't say how exactly to do that, but I try. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Giant Posted May 10, 2009 Share Posted May 10, 2009 I voted yes by mistake, is there a way to change the vote? I think kids should not fear you, they should love you and admire you, and look up to you and follow your good example. If you are a bad person it does not matter what you do to inspire fear, they will grow up to be as bad as you. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Homz Posted May 10, 2009 Share Posted May 10, 2009 BTW this is an excellent thread. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
myspace.com/jessenoah Posted May 10, 2009 Share Posted May 10, 2009 growing up....... I had a bike and a big world to explore. The only things i knew for fact is that my parents loved me, and that "bad people would hurt me" with that in mind, i went out and learned how the world works by experencing it, no one cares how good you are for your age, no one will give you a cup of water when you are hot and thirsty, and when you are tired and far from home, you better start riding home before it gets dark my parents loved me, do i fear them? absolutley not............... i fear the world and apreciate how loving my parents are/where Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
max2343 Posted May 10, 2009 Share Posted May 10, 2009 Hell-ya, but it's no the Fear of getting Wacked. It's the fear of (if they do something wrong or Stupid) they won't get the things that they want from me for being good or doing good. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Giant Posted May 10, 2009 Share Posted May 10, 2009 Nice rack Mr. Max have a pic of the broad's face and rear end? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
NeoConMan Posted May 10, 2009 Share Posted May 10, 2009 Problem with children is that respect is an abstract thing. How old do they have to be when they finally learn the world does not revolve around them? Fear is real and profound - and respect is a growth of that. First they don't want to do (insert mischief here) because they fear getting spanked. Later they won't (insert mischief here) because they don't want their stuff taken away. As teens, they won't (insert mischief here) and risk embarrassment before their peers. Finally, they grow bolder and stupid and will test you by (insert mischief here) and judging your reaction. At some point, they will finally cease (insert mischief here) simply because they know what will happen. It simply isn't worth it, and they'll realize how much nicer the world is without everybody constantly up their ***. This is sorta where they start to 'get' the whole respect thing, obeying the wishes of those around them to get along. Eventually it becomes a courtesy they extend to everybody simply because they know they should - and want it in return. Our oldest is almost 20, been on his own (sorta) for two years now. We rarely see him anymore because we have "rules and sh!t" at our house. He learned there are things he can't do or say here without personal peril, so he saves it until he leaves.... He can have much more 'fun' elsewhere sleeping on his buddies couches and working day labor jobs. After he bottles up his demons he'll wake up at some point, just like the rest of us did. Shame of it all, he's a little slow in that department and he gets no money from us. After he turned 18 he found he could pawn stuff. Shortly after, his Les Paul Special and Fender Deluxe Strat mysteriously disappeared. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Murph Posted May 10, 2009 Share Posted May 10, 2009 I voted yes. Great thread Rocky. I voted yes because EVERYONE fears me. It's a way of life. My boss fears me, because he knows he can fire me, but I'm a redneck, deerslayin', snake catchin', frog giggin', dangerous S.O.B. I was raised by "Banditos" in Apache Jct., Arizona. I am always armed. Very much. My kids love me, and respect me. But they also know damned well not to lie to me, cheat me, steal from me, or, heaven forbid, talk back or dis-respect me. I give them the same love and respect. It's mutual..... Murph. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
FennRx Posted May 10, 2009 Share Posted May 10, 2009 NEVER hit your kids. but NEVER EVER let them know that you won't hit them. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Giant Posted May 10, 2009 Share Posted May 10, 2009 NEVER hit your kids. but NEVER EVER let them know that you won't hit them. Never to let them think you would never hit them, and them when the time is right, you hit them like there's no tomorrow. That would catcch them by surprise and show them what for:-" Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Homz Posted May 10, 2009 Share Posted May 10, 2009 Did ya all ever hear the old saying, the preachers kids are always the worse. It's been my personal experience that there is much truth in that old saying. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
daveinspain Posted May 10, 2009 Share Posted May 10, 2009 No, no no no...... NO!!! Love your children... Show them that you love them, hug them, hold them let them know they are the most important thing in your life. One of the things I have seen living in Spain is that the family unit is very united. Families do things together. The Spanish culture has many family oriented traditions that calls for participation from the whole family. It is very common to see Fathers and sons holding hands walking down the street. When the children come in a room and see their parents they give them a hug and kiss, mother and father. It's so nice to see and reflects into the whole society. When large groups of people attend an event, say a concert or a football game the is never any fights or trouble. At large events there is hardly even a police presence. Don't be afraid to show your kids some affection... Pick them up, hug them, kiss them, make funny fart noises on their necks. You can be stern with them and let them know when they do something wrong but hitting them will make them hate you not respect you. Let the mere fact that they have let you down or disappointed you be the punishment. Love and respect will give you a long and healthy family life. Not fear. I say all this out of experience of being a child not as being a parent... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Rocky4 Posted May 10, 2009 Author Share Posted May 10, 2009 No' date=' no no no...... NO!!! Love your children... Show them that you love them, hug them, hold them let them know they are the most important thing in your life. One of the things I have seen living in Spain is that the family unit is very united. Families do things together. The Spanish culture has many family oriented traditions that calls for participation from the whole family. It is very common to see Fathers and sons holding hands walking down the street. When the children come in a room and see their parents they give them a hug and kiss, mother and father. It's so nice to see and reflects into the whole society. When large groups of people attend an event, say a concert or a football game the is never any fights or trouble. At large events there is hardly even a police presence. Don't be afraid to show your kids some affection... Pick them up, hug them, kiss them, make funny fart noises on their necks. You can be stern with them and let them know when they do something wrong but hitting them will make them hate you not respect you. Let the mere fact that they have let you down or disappointed you be the punishment. Love and respect will give you a long and healthy family life. Not fear. I say all this out of experience of being a child not as being a parent...[/quote'] That looks good on paper, but kids rebel and test no matter how much you love them. What if you have a 9 and 12 year old that constantly fight no matter what you do? What if they absolutely refuse to listen and keep fighting? There has to be some sort of "final solution" Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
ninety1vee Posted May 10, 2009 Share Posted May 10, 2009 my dad whooped me silly a few times, but it was for MAJOR 5hit i never feared my parents and they say i was never disrespectful, even when they divorced, i was obedient (mostly), but i think the main reason i was 'good' was cuz' they showed me respect my brother and i weren't babied at all, my dad explained things to us like an adult (we were working on cars and shooting and cleaning guns at 6) and my mom was the same way we were thankful for it, and still are Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
SRV Posted May 10, 2009 Share Posted May 10, 2009 i think nether i think your kids should respect you and your decisions, and realize that you are doing it for the betterment of there lives and not just to be an a$$hole. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Giant Posted May 10, 2009 Share Posted May 10, 2009 my dad whooped me silly a few times Thanks that explains a lot=d> Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
ninety1vee Posted May 10, 2009 Share Posted May 10, 2009 Thanks that explains a lot=d> ok, your dad didn't and now your d1ckhead Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Uncle Dave Posted May 10, 2009 Share Posted May 10, 2009 My Dad beat me regularly when I was growing up. I can remember my Mom running outside to tell him to stop hitting me in the head lots of times. It didn't end until the day I had him pinned on the ground and drew back for the closer. I stopped short of driving my fist into his face as I was so full of rage, I knew I wouldn't stop until he was limp. I had laid in bed dreaming of that scenario as a teenager many times (it was the 1960's) and when the day finally arrived I thought I'd give him this one chance to stop beating me as now he knew the day of reckoning had arrived. That day, the beatings stopped but even now I have difficulty forgiving him. We never discussed it later in life and I told him that I loved him on his death bed. What it taught me was to never fear bullies and honestly I always went after the ones that were bigger than me. Through that I gained confidence. My kids ( one in college, the other graduating from High School) might have seen outrage in my face but will never taste the beatings. I've tried to teach them that all their choices have consequences and they have to take responsibility for them. Also, respect for others is huge. What I want from them is respect and love, not fear. They,ve learned to accept the consequences of their actions and to accept responsibility for everything they do from me.:- Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
ninety1vee Posted May 10, 2009 Share Posted May 10, 2009 damn dave i'm sorry when i say whooped me silly i mean 10 lashings of an extension cord on my ***, no closed fist stuff (to me that was gettin' whooped silly), i'm lucky enough to love my dad and understand why he did it Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Uncle Dave Posted May 10, 2009 Share Posted May 10, 2009 My Dad liked to use a belt or a piece of firewood. Sometimes he would make me choose. I'm not looking for sympathy, just to warn others that things can spiral out of control when you head down that road and have everlasting consequences. Don't do it. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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