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The truth behind the Clapton Explorer


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15th April 1969 – Went round to Erics (yawn). He’s forming a new band and wants to involve Cookie. So we all sat around Erics kitchen table; me, Cookie, Ginger (who invited that nutter?)

Stevie (out of his box as usual), and some other bloke who’s going to play bass. Eric is very organised and likes to be in charge so we all sat patiently as he made a pot of Earl Grey tea and laid out a plate of biscuits (precisely 2 each). Ginger “I don’t like ****ing custard creams” gave me his two. He’s now my best friend. I soon got bored and wandered off behind the sofa and chewed on a lump of wood.

It wasn’t long before they started arguing and Eric sent Ginger outside to sit on the “naughty step”. Cookie was constantly fielding telephone calls (which Eric wouldn’t answer) from George Harrison wanting to know “Where my ****ing missus is?” “Tell him she’s round Cilla Black’s!” hissed Eric repeatedly.

Eric lit a joss-stick to calm everyone down and things were just getting back on track when suddenly I was launched into the air with my arse on fire,”He’s chewed the end off me ****ing Explorer!!!!” screamed Eric lashing out with his snakeskin winkle-pickers. I ducked as he attempted to boot me again and his foot went straight through the neck of a Telecaster Custom!

This finished poor Eric who just sank to the floor in tears. Ginger was pissing himself, grinning like an ape through the window and rubbing his knees.

Steve just carried on drawing pictures of elephants. He was on another ****ing planet! Cookie was highly embarrassed and went into Eric’s shed to fetch a saw.

To be fair the old thing tidied up quite nicely for an eleven year old guitar and in my opinion looked a little more balanced. Even old Eric who was now sucking his thumb and clutching his “comfy blankie” raised a feeble thumbs up.

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