Murph Posted January 14, 2016 Share Posted January 14, 2016 A guy walks into a bar and orders a beer. As he is drinking, he looks up sees three pieces of meat nailed to the ceiling. He asks the bartender, "What's up with the meat on the ceiling?" The bartender expains that is this month's special promotion. Jump up and grab the three pieces in three jumps and drink for the rest of the month for free. If you don't get all three in three jumps, you have to buy everyone here a drink. The guys sits down and continues to drink his beer. The bartender says, "Well ... aren't you going to try it? The guys says, "Nah...the steaks are too high." Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Murph Posted January 14, 2016 Author Share Posted January 14, 2016 Guy walks into a bar and sits on a stool at the bar and orders a beer. After a minute he SLAMS his fist down on the bar and says, "all lawyers are ArSHOLES". Guy next to him at the bar says, "hey buddy, I take offense to that" First guy says, "why,........ are you a lawyer"? Second guy ......"no, I'm an arshole" Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Murph Posted January 14, 2016 Author Share Posted January 14, 2016 What's yellow, fluffy, and highly dangerous? A shark infested banana cream pie. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Murph Posted January 14, 2016 Author Share Posted January 14, 2016 A guy runs into a bar and says to the bartender, "Quick, gimme five shots of your best whiskey!" The bartender sets out five glasses and the guy downs each one as fast as the bartender can pour. The bartender says, "Whoa, buddy! Why are you drinking so fast?" The guy says, "You'd drink fast too, if you had what I have!" The bartender says, "What do you have?" The guy says, "Seventy five cents!" Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
badbluesplayer Posted January 14, 2016 Share Posted January 14, 2016 Good ones, Murph. Keep 'em coming. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
kidblast Posted January 14, 2016 Share Posted January 14, 2016 A guy runs into a bar and says to the bartender, "Quick, gimme five shots of your best whiskey!" The bartender sets out five glasses and the guy downs each one as fast as the bartender can pour. The bartender says, "Whoa, buddy! Why are you drinking so fast?" The guy says, "You'd drink fast too, if you had what I have!" The bartender says, "What do you have?" The guy says, "Seventy five cents!" I actually did laugh out loud.. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
MissouriPicker Posted January 14, 2016 Share Posted January 14, 2016 A blind guy walks into a bar for blondes only. He sits at the bar and yells "Does anyone want to hear a blonde joke?" This big muscular gal a couple stools down says, "Hey, buddy! You need to understand something. This is a blondes only bar. I'm blonde and the bar bouncer, 165 lbs of muscle and I'll stomp you into the floor if you tell that joke. The bartender is a blonde and she has a baseball bat behind the bar and she just picked-up the bat. There's two blonde biker chicks playing pool right behind you and they're staring at you. The owner of this bar is a blonde and a karate expert and she's walking this way right now. You still want to tell that blonde joke?" The blind guy says, "Well, I guess not. Not if I've got to explain it five times." Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Murph Posted January 17, 2016 Author Share Posted January 17, 2016 How can you distinguish a home remodeling contractor from a common criminal? Criminals are more likely to return to the scene of a crime Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Murph Posted January 17, 2016 Author Share Posted January 17, 2016 I said to the wife, “Quick get me a newspaper" "Don't be silly,” she said “You can borrow my i-Pad” "That spider never knew what hit it. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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