These Four Walls

[Lars68]

I wrote the song below a few months back and posted a one-take acoustic version at the time. I have since been working on and off to get a decent multi-track version. The song below is what I have at the moment. It's about the need to see new things and have fresh experiences. Being isolated, like under a pandemic, is not good for the health of the human soul. What do you think?

Lars

THESE FOUR WALLS

If your todays are like tomorrows 
and just like yesterdays

come meet me by the railroad tracks  
A new horizon is awaiting ways away 

These four walls that surround me
I will fight them 'till the end 

These four walls that surround me
they will never be my friend 

On a long train of longing
let the rails sing us to sleep 

Passing towns, fields, and valleys
with rivers running wide and so deep 

No more walls to surround me
I will fight them 'till the end 

No more walls to surround me
Come ride with me my friend 

Soon time's tide will wear us down
and the tracks run to an end 

but come tomorrow, we'll wake as new 
to the mysteries lying round the bend 

One day walls may surround us
as down old age we descend 

One day walls may surround us
Please stay with me my friend

[duluthdan]

Lars - this is pretty good.  Nice guitar and voice. What guitar did you use?  Recording is very nice, I am still baffled at how folks do this, I am so technically challenged I can't begin to progress out of the rudimentary stage of a sloppy I-Phone recording that serves little purpose but to remind me of the melody and lyrics I write.

I like the message here in this song - It speaks to me of the deep scar we are experiencing world wide.  I cannot help but want to take a red pencil to your lyrics - when I listen to this over and over I cannot escape the feeling that the lyrical timing stumbles a bit interrupting the melodic tempo.  I am addicted to simplicity.  If you would permit me, I'd like to send you my initial suggestions targeted at syllables.  I think there are some easy approaches to reduce some of the lyrical difficulties and smooth out this song without changing the message at all.

Please keep writing, your stuff is getting better and better.  I would love be sitting on a couch sipping bourbon and  listening to your concert catologing your original songs, this is great - its exactly, to me, the stuff that Gibson guitars were built for.

[Lars68]

Thanks Dan, for helping a stranger on the internet!! I received your suggestions back channel and will try to learn to sing them. 

The guitar here is a 2012 Gibson Sheryl Crow SJ, or at least I think it is 😳 It has been a few months since recording the main guitar track, but I'm pretty sure it was the SJ…

Lars

By the way, I would love trading songs (and bourbon) with you as well. I would learn a lot! Too bad there is an ocean of water in the way 😩

[BoSoxBiker]

Lars, this has such a good flow to it. Compare this back to some of the other songs even 1-2 years ago and it's obvious you've stepped up quite a few notches. While I don't know the specifics of what DuluthDan is saying, I'm pretty sure I know what the overall improvements to work on are. Incidentaly, a lot of it is likely related to things you've made so much improvement on already.

Anyhow, another nice song and it's very well played and presented. Bravo!

[Lars68]

6 hours ago, BoSoxBiker said:

Lars, this has such a good flow to it. Compare this back to some of the other songs even 1-2 years ago and it's obvious you've stepped up quite a few notches. While I don't know the specifics of what DuluthDan is saying, I'm pretty sure I know what the overall improvements to work on are. Incidentaly, a lot of it is likely related to things you've made so much improvement on already.

Anyhow, another nice song and it's very well played and presented. Bravo!

Thanks a bunch! As for improvements, I am a firm believer in the saying ”the race is not to the swift, but to those who keep on running”, and I'm still out on the track… 😀

Dan suggested making the song flow smoother by cutting out some words. I tried it out yesterday, and I think I can sing it and the changes make the song better. I will just need to practice the changes some. 

Lars

Edited October 2, 2021 by Lars68

[MorrisrownSal]

Thumbs up Lars.

Aint  nuthin wrong there!

[MissouriPicker]

Nicely done, Lars!  I think the guitar playing is pretty cool.  Much more uptempo and steady than a couple years ago……I like the lyrics, but I think they are too wordy.  Unnecessary words.  At times you are trying to squeeze too many words into a measure and it throws the rhythm and melody off.  Also, easy rhymes are not always the best rhyme.  Often, all we need are words that sound similar to each other.   Still, the lyrics are good.  English is not your first language and I can understand how one would always be looking for the proper way to say something while someone like me routinely uses slang words and street vernacular, because that’s how I normally talk.  …….Your ability to write so well in a foreign language is impressive, especially one so difficult to learn..  I know I couldn’t do it.>……..Likewise, I struggle with songs that are too “wordy” also.  Whenever I feel I’m playing/singing faster to get all the words in a measure,  I make myself go back and find a better way to say it…….Keep playing, buddy!

[Lars68]

Sal and MP, thanks for listening, and the comment on wordyness is noted!

Lars