Californiaman Posted March 2, 2010 Share Posted March 2, 2010 Strange but utterly fantastic medical stories. LMAO when I received it today. Enjoy. Embarrassing Medical Exams 1. A man comes into the ER and yells . . .' My wife's going to have her baby in the cab !' I grabbed my stuff, rushed out to the cab, Lifted the lady's dress and began to take off her underwear. Suddenly I noticed that there were several cabs - - - and I was in the wrong one. Submitted by Dr. Mark Mac Donald, San Francisco 2. At the beginning of my shift I placed a stethoscope on an elderly and slightly deaf female patient's anterior chest wall. ' Big breaths,'. I instructed. ' Yes, they used to be,'... ... replied the patient. Submitted by Dr. Richard Byrnes, Seattle , WA 3. One day I had to be the bearer of bad news when I told a Wife that her husband had died of a massive myocardial infarct.. Not more than five minutes later, I heard her reporting to the rest of the family that he had died of a ' massive internal fart Submitted by Dr. Susan Steinberg I love that one!!!! 4. During a patient's two week follow-up appointment with his cardiologist, he informed me, his doctor, that he was having trouble with one of his medications. ' Which one ?'. ..... . I asked. 'The patch . .. . the Nurse told me to put on a new one every six hours and now I'm running out of places to put it! 'I had him quickly undress and discovered what I hoped I wouldn't see. Yes, the man had over fifty patches on his body! Now, the instructions include removal of the old patch before applying a new one. Submitted by Dr. Rebecca St. Clair, Norfolk , VA 5. While acquainting myself with a new elderly patient, I asked. ' How long have you been bedridden ?' After a look of complete confusion she answered . . .' Why, not for about twenty years - when my husband was alive.' Submitted by Dr. Steven Swanson, Corvallis , OR 6. I was performing rounds at the hospital one morning and while checking up on a man I asked . . .' So how's your breakfast this morning?' ' It's very good except for the Kentucky Jelly. I can't seem to get used to the taste.'. . .... Bob replied. I then asked to see the jelly and Bob produced a foil packet labeled 'KY Jelly.' Submitted by Dr. Leonard Kransdorf, Detroit , MI 7. A nurse was on duty in the Emergency Room when a young woman with purple hair styled into a punk rocker Mohawk, sporting a variety of tattoos, and wearing strange clothing, entered .. It was quickly determined that the patient had acute appendicitis, so she was scheduled for immediate surgery. When she was completely disrobed on the operating table, the staff noticed that her pubic hair had been dyed green, and above it there was a tattoo that read . .. .' Keep off the grass.' Once the surgery was completed, the surgeon wrote a short note on the patient's dressing, which said ' Sorry . . .had to mow the lawn.' Submitted by RN no name AND FINALLY ! ! ! . . .. . . . . . . . . . . ... . ... 8. As a new, young MD doing my residency in OB , I was quite embarrassed when performing female pelvic exams.. To cover my embarrassment I had unconsciously formed a habit of whistling softly. The middle-aged lady upon whom I was performing this exam suddenly burst out laughing and further embarrassing me. I looked up from my work and sheepishly said 'I'm sorry. Was I tickling you ?' She replied with tears running down her cheeks from laughing so hard. .' No doctor, but the song you were whistling was . . ..' I wish I was an Oscar Meyer Wiener.' Dr: wouldn't submit his name Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
ShredAstaire Posted March 2, 2010 Share Posted March 2, 2010 I'm crying over here.....he died of a massive internal fart! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
NeoConMan Posted March 2, 2010 Share Posted March 2, 2010 "Oh, I wish I were an Oscar Meyer....." Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
L5Larry Posted March 2, 2010 Share Posted March 2, 2010 That was so funny I now have to clean the peanut butter and Kentucky Jelly sandwich off my monitor. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
DanvillRob Posted March 2, 2010 Share Posted March 2, 2010 Great stuff!! Reminds me of a true story, (as opposed to what I usually write here), of when I was about 20 years old.... had a gastrointestinal pain...doctor sent me to a "GI" specialist. When I got there, I was told to get undressed and put on one of those stupid gowns. I probably couldn't have tied it in the back anyway, but several of the ties were missing...so I sat in the room with it completely undone in the back. I had to drink some chalk-like crud... then I went onto a table... The doctor called in the nurse.... and son-of-a-gun if she wasn't a cutie I had known in high school! During the examination, the table was turned so that I was upside-down...and of course the gown did what you'd expect. I couldn't see her face, (with the gown over my head), but I'm sure she had an interesting tale to tell her friends! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
NeoConMan Posted March 2, 2010 Share Posted March 2, 2010 Lifted the lady's dress and began to take off her underwear.Suddenly I noticed that there were several cabs - - - and I was in the wrong one. Yeah' date=' that would be my luck.... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
DanvillRob Posted March 2, 2010 Share Posted March 2, 2010 Yeah' date=' that would be my luck.... Me too...but my luck would have it that I pick the cab with the ugliest woman in it!! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Californiaman Posted March 2, 2010 Author Share Posted March 2, 2010 That was so funny I now have to clean the peanut butter and Kentucky Jelly sandwich off my monitor. I guess you have to acquire a taste for the Kentucky Jelly. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Bowdiddley Posted March 2, 2010 Share Posted March 2, 2010 Those were great! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
NeoConMan Posted March 2, 2010 Share Posted March 2, 2010 Me too...but my luck would have it that I pick the cab with the ugliest woman in it!! I was talking to a OB-GYN one night at a club. We razzed him pretty hard about his day job - lucky guy and all. Gets paid to do what I've only practiced as an amateur... He finally put his cards out on the table for us' date=' told us to look around the room. Better yet, look around the room next time you're at Luby's Cafeteria where all the old folks eat. Even the young hot ones are often there because something is wrong with the equipment. And he said you [i']don't wanna know[/i] some of the things that go wrong.... Yeah, I decided to keep doing what I was doing, no need to turn Pro. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
swleary Posted March 2, 2010 Share Posted March 2, 2010 well I am gonna put my favorite story in now lol. The medical examiner asked for a urine sample. Patient could not provide one so examiner waited and waited. Finally after waiting for an hour,he said he had to go....examiner thinks right on I can get this appointment over with..... Patient goes in and about five minutes comes out....examiner looks at the cup then looks up and says...."THAT IS NOT URINE !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" Turns out the patient does not take listen very well and thinks it was funny...well I WASN'T LAUGHING true story,,,,happened two weeks ago to me. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
L5Larry Posted March 2, 2010 Share Posted March 2, 2010 This is "supposed" to be a true story. A friend of a friend of my wife was at the gyno. Her doctor's office was on an upper floor of a high rise glass covered medical building. She has assumed the proper position and just as the exam has begun, the doctor is called out of the room for an emergency phone call. As she is "sitting" there waiting for the doctor to return, the window washers emerge outside the window on their hanging scaffold. Thinking quickly, she grabs the bottom of her exam gown, and pulls it .................. up over her face. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Californiaman Posted March 3, 2010 Author Share Posted March 3, 2010 well I am gonna put my favorite story in now lol. The medical examiner asked for a urine sample. Patient could not provide one so examiner waited and waited. Finally after waiting for an hour' date='he said he had to go....examiner thinks right on I can get this appointment over with..... Patient goes in and about five minutes comes out....examiner looks at the cup then looks up and says...."THAT IS NOT URINE !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" Turns out the patient does not take listen very well and thinks it was funny...well I WASN'T LAUGHING true story,,,,happened two weeks ago to me.[/quote'] Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
deepblue Posted March 3, 2010 Share Posted March 3, 2010 When you have a Colonoscopy ( Ive had two) they pump you full of air. After youre done they wheel you into a room with others and tell you, you must pass gas before theyll let you go home. It was like the campfire scene from Blazing Saddles in that room. FYI...I told them I did, but saved it for the ride home! lol Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Rocky4 Posted March 3, 2010 Share Posted March 3, 2010 I've posted this before, but here it is again. Six years ago at 40 years of age, I have an exam by my female Dr. I notice KY jelly and a pair of rubber gloves on the counter. Before I am violated, she says. "Yes, it's my finger in your ***, but it's your *** in my face. It took a little of the edge off for me. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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