Clever word play..........

[onewilyfool]

My mind USED to work like this......lol

 

 

... Those who jump off a bridge in Paris are in Seine .

... A man's home is his castle, in a manor of speaking.

... Dijon vu - the same mustard as before.

... Practice safe eating - always use condiments.

... Shotgun wedding - A case of wife or death.

... A man needs a mistress just to break the monogamy.

... A hangover is the wrath of grapes.

... Dancing cheek-to-cheek is really a form of floor play.

... Does the name Pavlov ring a bell?

... Condoms should be used on every conceivable occasion.

... Reading while sunbathing makes you well red.

... When two egotists meet, it's an I for an I.

... A bicycle can't stand on its own because it is two tired.

... What's the definition of a will? (It's a dead give away.)

... Time flies like an arrow. Fruit flies like a banana.

... In democracy your vote counts. In feudalism your count votes.

... She was engaged to a boyfriend with a wooden leg but broke it off.

... A chicken crossing the road is poultry in motion.

... If you don't pay your exorcist, you get repossessed.

... With her marriage, she got a new name and a dress.

... The man who fell into an upholstery machine is fully recovered.

... You feel stuck with your debt if you can't budge it.

... Local Area Network in Australia - the LAN down under.

... Every calendar's days are numbered..

... A lot of money is tainted - It taint yours and it taint mine.

... A boiled egg in the morning is hard to beat.

... He had a photographic memory that was never developed.

... A midget fortune-teller who escapes from prison is a small medium at large.

... Once you've seen one shopping center, you've seen a mall.

... Bakers trade bread recipes on a knead-to-know basis..

... Santa's helpers are subordinate clauses.

... Acupuncture is a jab well done.

[DanvillRob]

My mind USED to work like this......lol

 

 

 

... She was engaged to a boyfriend with a wooden leg but broke it off.

 

 

I did know a lady who shaved her legs and wrecked 'em!

[jefleppard]

love it.

[DanvillRob]

I did know a lady who shaved her legs and wrecked 'em!

 

She had freckles on her but she's pretty!

[ksdaddy]

I used to date a girl with lazy eye.

I broke up with her.

I found out she was seeing someone on the side.

[DanvillRob]

I used to date a girl with lazy eye.

I broke up with her.

I found out she was seeing someone on the side.

 

Reminds me of the story about the young guy who goes to his first school dance. He's very self-conscious because he has one wooden eye. He stood against the wall, not daring to ask any of the girls to dance.

 

He spotted one girl who had a cleft-pallet. He though, surely SHE wouldn't make fun of his wooden eye, so he finally found the courage to go over to ask her to dance.

 

He walked up to her and asked if she'd like to dance. She exclaimed, "Would I?"

 

He quickly spat back, "Hair lip!"

[august_reader]

Reminds me of the story about the young guy who goes to his first school dance. He's very self-conscious because he has one wooden eye. He stood against the wall' date=' not daring to ask any of the girls to dance.

 

He spotted one girl who had a cleft-pallet. He though, surely SHE wouldn't make fun of his wooden eye, so he finally found the courage to go over to ask her to dance.

 

He walked up to her and asked if she'd like to dance. She exclaimed, "Would I?"

 

He quickly spat back, "Hair lip!"[/quote']

 

An oldie but a goodie ... wonder if Sarah Palin will complain about THIS!

[nickb]

she's th one eye love

[suburude63]

Willey buddy you have way to much time on your hands! :-

[nodehopper]

I claim false advertising .....this thread was titled "Clever word play...." yet I found only words !

 

 

[DanvillRob]

I claim false advertising .....this thread was titled "Clever word play...." yet I found only words !

 

 

 

That's 'cause you don't keep bees...after all, everyone knows "Clever" is in the eye of the bee holder!!

[nodehopper]

That's 'cause you don't keep bees...after all' date=' everyone knows "Clever" is in the eye of the bee holder!![/quote']

 

 

Oh Honey ...that really stings !!

[onewilyfool]

Will you guys just buzz off!!??

[DanvillRob]

Will you guys just buzz off!!??

 

Guess we should beehive ourselves.

[larryp58]

I did know a lady who shaved her legs and wrecked 'em!

 

 

The reporter, in an interview, asked the Proctologist "What do you think of the rectum, as a whole"?

[DanvillRob]

The reporter' date=' in an interview, asked the Proctologist "What do you think of the rectum, as a whole"?[/quote']

 

 

HAHA... can you imagine going to school for all those years, going through hell as an intern, then spend the rest of your work life looking at people's butts? (and 99% of the time NOT nice ones!).

 

Not sure you could pay me enough!

 

If a woman proctologist never gets married, does she become an "old sphincter"?

[nodehopper]

A doctor goes into a bank to cash a check.

 

The teller asks him to endorse the back.

 

He reaches into his suit jacket pocket and pulls out a thermometer.

 

He looks t the thermometer and says .....

 

"opps.....I guess some a$$hole has my pen "

 

 

Bah bump bump .....