Murph
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Posts
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Posts posted by Murph
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Let's see.
Let me think...
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Welcome and we look forward to seeing which you decide.
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This all seems vaguely familiar...
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Because idiots continue to pay premium ticket prices to see cover bands.
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I have that same effect on women...
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Now I have to make a list?
You guys are killing me....
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Wait.
We have to stop accumulating?
😵
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Smooth as butter, slick as glass.
Mighty fine.
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Wife: "I have a lot of my old clothes I'd like to donate."
Husband: "Why bother? It's easier to throw the clothes in the garbage can."
Wife: "Don't be selfish! There are so many poor people who have no clothes and are starving."
Husband: " Honey, anyone who fits into your clothing is not starving..."-
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Years ago my wife and I were painting the window sills and trim of a house. She would hold up a plastic shield (to keep the overspray off) and I'd squirt the woodwork. One time the shield had loaded up and was dripping all over the floor (plywood at that point...don't worry!) and I said "Hey, you're dripping all over!" And she said, "Oh! Uh [looking around] do you know of anything I can wipe it off with?" I said "Off with? Seriously?" and she said "What?" and I said "Can you reformulate that sentence so it doesn't end with TWO prepositions?"
My wife looks cat-like under many circumstances and now you could almost see her ears flattening up against her head like a p.o.'d cat. Then she said: "Yes. Do you know of anything I can wipe it off with, a$$hole?" -
A husband and wife are grocery shopping.
The husband sees a carton of beer on one of the shelves and puts it in the trolley.
“What are you doing?” asks the wife.
“They’re on sale, only $10 for 24 cans,” he responds.
“Well, put it back. We can’t afford those.”
Without another word, the husband obeys his wife and puts the carton back on the shelf. In the next aisle over, the wife sees a bottle of facial cream and puts it in the cart.
“What are you doing?” the husband asks.
“It’s my face cream and it’s on sale for $20. It makes me look beautiful,” she replies.
“So does a 24 pack of beer, and it’s half the price!”-
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20 minutes ago, fortyearspickn said:
I have a near identical one. Had it for 52 years. Toothpick on the other side of the tweezer? I foolishly used the blade to pry something and put a very small bend in it, but the hinge thingy held up 100%.
Owen's Swiss Army Knife isn't that thick, but it has a lot of tools. I'll have to figure out which one he has.
He fixes stuff all the time with it.
He's like a regular MacGyver...
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On 10/23/2023 at 2:38 PM, gearbasher said:
To Leatherman's credit, they replaced the tool under their lifetime warranty.
I've heard they're good about warranty. I've used SOG's (the older American made ones) for decades because my dad was a gun dealer and got them for "cost" and have had great luck with them. I use a multi-tool many times every day between my properties and many hobbies.
I'd spend a lot of time chasing down basic tools without one.
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12 hours ago, SteveFord said:
It was Murph who said bicycles blocking traffic.
I never saw a bicycle on there but they are allowed which is crazy:
Yea, the damned bicycles bottlenecked traffic at least a half dozen times Monday, going North. There are sections where you simply can't pass them, especially in the tunnels, because there was too much traffic.
Some of those inclines are steep and there they are in their little sausage shorts peddling 90 rpm trying to get up the hill while 40 cars and trucks are behind them unable to get around.
They should outlaw bicycles during peak color.
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I prefer the Gorilla Brand duct tape. It's like John Wayne toilet paper. Rough and tough and ....
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10 minutes ago, E-minor7 said:
Only 1 thing to do = Inform.
Oh, we did.
But, my point was, there are now more people who don't know even know who the Beatles are, than who do.
Time keeps on slipping, slipping, slipping....
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If she runs low on cash, she just sells a cow...
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On 10/26/2023 at 8:19 AM, Sgt. Pepper said:
That's because she's not.
She is worth 700 Million.
That's what I said.
She's good with money...
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A male patient is lying in bed in the hospital, wearing an oxygen mask over his mouth and nose. A young student nurse appears and gives him a partial sponge bath.
"Nurse,"' he mumbles from behind the mask, "are my testicles black?"
Embarrassed, the young nurse replies, "I don't know, Sir. I'm only here to wash your upper body and feet."
He struggles to ask again, "Nurse, please check for me. Are my testicles black?"
Concerned that he might elevate his blood pressure and heart rate from worrying about his testicles, she overcomes her embarrassment and pulls back the covers.
She raises his gown, holds his manhood in one hand and his testicles in the other.
She looks very closely and says, "There's nothing wrong with them, Sir. They look fine."
The man slowly pulls off his oxygen mask, smiles at her, and says very slowly, "Thank you very much. That was wonderful. Now listen very, very closely:
Are - my - test - results - back?"-
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A man is eating soup at a restaurant when he drops his spoon.
It was a particularly busy day, so the man thinks "Great, by the time I get another spoon, my soup will be cold." Nevertheless, he flags down his waiter and tells him that he dropped his spoon. The waiter says "Here ya go" and produces a spoon from his vest pocket. "Wow, that was convenient" the man says. He looks around and notices all the waiters have spoons in thier pockets. "Why do you all have spoons on hand like that?" The waiter replied "We had an efficiency expert come in last week, and after a study, he deduced that the most dropped utensil was a spoon. So the manager insisted we all carry spoons to promote efficiency and customer service". The man continued to eat his meal when he just happened to notice a piece of string protruding from a waiter's fly. He looked around and noticed that all the waiters had one. He called his waiter back over and asked about it. The waiter told him "Ohhh, that's another thing put in place by the efficiency expert. He figured out that the most wasted time was washing our hands after using the bathroom. So we all have a piece of string tied around our penises. When we take a leak, we just unzip, pull the string and go. Since we dont touch it, there is no need to wash our hands." The man thinks on this and says, "Makes sense, but how do you get it back in without touching it?" The waiter leans in and whispers, " I don't know about the other guys, but I use the spoon."
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13 hours ago, SteveFord said:
It's a beautiful area of the country, that's for sure.
You don't want to ride a motorcycle on the Blue Ridge Parkway this time of year.
The old people stop in the middle of the road to gawk instead of using one of the scenic overlooks. You come around a blind corner and there they are, stopped in the road.
From right after Labor Day to early October it's motorcycle paradise, the place is deserted.
It was jam packed Monday, that's for sure.
You're right though, I didn't see a lot of motorcycles, several dozen, but not an abundance.
Idiots on bicycles blocking traffic was annoying...
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12 hours ago, E-minor7 said:
Most muslims don't recognize or seem to know the act.
I was in a conversation several years ago with 8/9 people of differing ages and mentioned "Paul McCartney" and a young man in his late 20's said "Who's Paul McCartney?"
Most of us looked at him in disbelief, but he was serious.
He didn't know the name.
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12 hours ago, Red 333 said:
, made by Gibson itself in Elgin, IL (instead of made for them).
Man, those were the days...
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I've got a leather strap with "The Gibson" written on it. I bought it back when they had the store at Opry Mills.
I've never seen it on an SG.
Why?
in The Gibson Lounge
Posted
Nobody ever heard of your law.
But they HAVE heard of Murphy's Law...