awel Posted May 1, 2014 Share Posted May 1, 2014 As some of you knows, I have had a real bad band experience lately (with my blues rock band), I have now joined another band which is more a classic 70's band, peoples are nice but they're really into it! And my problem is that I am there to replace the lead guitar, and so I have a lot of work to do to learn all their set list. I have a 7 month old baby and to be honest I don't have time to dive totally into working hard my guitar, I have a wife, a job, a baby and a dog :) and I feel surrounded, my family is my priority so I wonder if it is not the right time for a break. I wonder if someone of you already feel the same and what have you done? Of course I will always play but not invest in a band for sometimes 1 or 2 years Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
awel Posted May 2, 2014 Author Share Posted May 2, 2014 ok, so apparently no one never been in that situation :) Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
pippy Posted May 2, 2014 Share Posted May 2, 2014 I was never a full-time musician; more of a hobbyist who played the odd gig - either with a group of friends or as a duet on a part-time basis - every so often. When I finished Uni I moved to London. Work; Wife; Mortgage; Child. End of gigging. P. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Pin Posted May 2, 2014 Share Posted May 2, 2014 Work; Wife; Mortgage; Child. End of gigging. P. Story of my life...ah, well. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
kidblast Posted May 2, 2014 Share Posted May 2, 2014 all about balance. I've been in similar situation many times. yes family comes first, but you may just be overwhelmed with the amount of work you feel you have to do.. it may not be as dire as you are predicting. how many nights a week are these guys rehearsing? Maybe it's a matter where can all set the expectations with each other focus on what you CAN do instead of giving up all hope before you really give it a chance. you don't have to learn every single note on every single solo. no one in the crowds/audience are going to know you didn't do a particular lead solo 100% correctly, get it down so that you've got the right feel, use charts / cheat sheets as much as possible to keep up with the changes and parts, if you like what they are doing, and you have a good fit, and your family job situation is allowing for a reasonable amount of time to devote, than stick with it.. just take it one rehearsal at a time. i don't know all the particulars,, but I would say based on the all years I've been in working bands,, there are ways to work around this, you just have to want to work around it. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
awel Posted May 2, 2014 Author Share Posted May 2, 2014 I was never a full-time musician; more of a hobbyist who played the odd gig - either with a group of friends or as a duet on a part-time basis - every so often. When I finished Uni I moved to London. Work; Wife; Mortgage; Child. End of gigging. P. Thing is that I feel guilty no being 110% involved in thé band and not working at least 2 hours a day the set list Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
kidblast Posted May 2, 2014 Share Posted May 2, 2014 ^-- with all due respect AWEL IMO, you're over complicating things. Classic Rock is what it is.. many of the songs repeat the same chord patterns, and progressions. Just my 2 cents,, OTOH I've been playing for close to 47 years, I don't see the need to really pound that kind of material to death. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
pippy Posted May 2, 2014 Share Posted May 2, 2014 all about balance... Edited for reasons of space but I agree with pretty much everything in this post. It really does come down to how you can manage to balance your life. For me at this time? I can't possibly dedicate - with certainty - as little as one evening a week on a regular basis to practice. Playing in a band? Not even a remote possibility. The most I can manage nowadays is the odd trip along to an open mic night. And even that hasn't been possible for the last six or seven months due to 'family commitments'. P. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
awel Posted May 2, 2014 Author Share Posted May 2, 2014 ^-- with all due respect AWEL IMO, you're over complicating things. Classic Rock is what it is.. many of the songs repeat the same chord patterns, and progressions. Just my 2 cents,, OTOH I've been playing for close to 47 years, I don't see the need to really pound that kind of material to death. I agree with you, I am overdose stressed by the music, I am stressing more about my musical life than my professional life :( Sounds like I have something to prove. But learning note for note comfortably numb is not so easy and request some work. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
kidblast Posted May 2, 2014 Share Posted May 2, 2014 just get close and feel it, and let it go man. that's all ya need to do.. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Kelvinator Posted May 2, 2014 Share Posted May 2, 2014 I was in the same situation 30 years ago, so I can understand how you feel. I was in a band that played 3 nights a week, while working full time and starting my business. I had a wonderful wife and 3 kids, and felt guilty about not spending much time with them. I gave up music for several years, and let me tell you - it was a very hard thing to do. I couldn't go out and hear a band without getting severely depressed; even a bad band would make me want to play, so be prepared for that. I will say that for me, it was the right choice. I spent a lot of time with my family and enjoyed watching my kids grow up. I started playing again when the kids were out of grade school, and now I'm in 2 bands and often sub with a third. Keeping up with 3 set lists isn't easy, but I make the time for it. You need to give it a lot of thought before making a decision and consider these points: How often will the band play? How many nights do they rehearse? When is the first job and how much time do you need to get ready? Can you trim your daily practice to 1 hour instead of 2? Trying to nail down a whole night of tunes can be overwhelming, so put set lists together and work on 1 set at a time. Don't worry about the next set 'til you're comfortable with the first. You should be able to get through a set in an hour, and then concentrate on the tunes that need more work. Do the same thing at band practice - run the whole set (mistakes and all) one after the other - you'll be pleasantly surprised at how fast things will come together. Good luck with your decision; hopefully you can stay in the band and be a good dad. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
kidblast Posted May 2, 2014 Share Posted May 2, 2014 ^-- I could have easily written that entire reply. It's exactly the same for me. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
milod Posted May 2, 2014 Share Posted May 2, 2014 All I can say is that I'll wager that most of us "here" have been in a similar situation. The decision would be your own, and there's no real "win-win" answer. I'm with Pippy in that I simply am not currently in a position where I can promise more than 2-6 solo "benefit" gigs a year. And I could come up with a couple of hours solo off the top of my head. Band? Nope. Couldn't do it and be honest with the other musicians. Couldn't do solo gigs and be honest with venues. I will not be dishonest. Period. My "funny" one is back when I was dating a really nice young lady - I was rather young too - and worked around 60-80 hours a week, was training another 20 hours a week and was playing in a house band three nights a week. She said quit the band or she was leaving. I simply said, "Good bye." Heaven knows what would have happened if she told me, "You've gotta quit the band because it's killing you." I was out of the band within a month anyway because it was just too, too much. It's priorities and nobody can tell you your priorities. You can listen to advice to help you decide your own priorities, but that is all "we" can do. That said, I think that "note for note" is absolutely silly unless you are in a "cover band" that demands it. No musician plays "exactly note for note" if they are gigging. The feel of a solo? Maybe. Maybe not. It depends on whether the music is "you" or whatever. Bottom line from me is that you have to make a decision on personal priorities. You have to live with it - I do not, and neither does anyone else on the forum. No decision like this will be "perfectly happy." But I hope that when you make a decision, you understand that you did the best you could, and then smile and make the best of it. m Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
MissouriPicker Posted May 2, 2014 Share Posted May 2, 2014 Life is good at getting in the way of what we want to do...lol...it's just the way things go......I've never been a full-time musician. Played in a few duos, but that's it, aside from the church band. Perhaps I'd have a different view on this if it was actually my career/job. I think if something became work or an inconvenience for me, I'd back-away from it. Wife and family come first in my view. I hope things work-out well for you. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Karloff Posted May 2, 2014 Share Posted May 2, 2014 i'm almost 54, and i've been playing bars since i was 15. i've had a family and everything that comes with it since i was 20. for me, its gone in cycles. when a band would break up, i'd "sit out" for awhile. hang out with the kids, go fishing... then the band thing would ramp up again ... everything is a trade off. juggling the pieces of your life. i went through a divorce in '93. wound up getting my kids every other weekend and alternating holidays. i couldnt stand having to play out on a weekend when it my chance to be with them. so i quit playing out at clubs for 7 years. by then they were graduating, and didnt feel like hanging out with dad. so i got back into playing. the fact that you're even having this internal dialogue, tells me it wouldn't hurt to sit out for awhile. enjoy your kid, before it becomes a teenager, lol... and you can throw that "note for note" stuff right out the window as far as i'm concerned... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
quapman Posted May 2, 2014 Share Posted May 2, 2014 enjoy your kid, before it becomes a teenager, lol... This Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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