new song for ya'll - evaluate please

[MimingMinds]

Here's a new original song recorded with my hummingbird pro. Enjoy it.

 

http://aaronwinston.bandcamp.com/track/leaving

 

Leaving Lyrics

 

heart attack, we're not coming back

this town's been here too long

pack the car, let's get out so far

as these four wheel take to black tar

 

so i walked down, down to the river bank

i feel caged, in the best way

running through the swamp took me back

to when life was play

 

jesus died, he was crucified

by a bunch of scared old men

change came, and swept the world astray

maybe our day will come

 

don't get scared

if things don't work out right

we're all in this one plan

the truth was lost

strung out on the cross

after we grew up

 

i'll go far, but never will i start, away from where i lived

places come, people dissappear, but those long hills are where my heart is

[Buc McMaster]

I only had time for a quick listen before I left the house this morning (no speakers on the office machine!). First impression: I like it. I promise a further listening and a better comment this evening!

 

Upon a second and third listening.....

 

Your voice is good......quite good, in fact. I like your delivery, with an aching kind of edge on it in places, a bit of rawness. Good job vocally. I must say the lyrics confuse me somewhat. You speak of getting away and never coming back, but then you'll never start away from those long hills where your heart is. Perhaps a wish, a daydream of picking up and going elsewhere but nothing you'd ever act upon? And the Jesus/crucifiction thing in the middle is kind of out of left field: the song opens with the promise of leaving some digs you're apparently tired of and then totally changes the subject. Not a bad subject, mind you, just kind of a confusing direction, opening the tune as you do. But, as a writer myself, I do understand that what we create is personal and usually holds meaning and secrets that a listener is not privy to.

 

I like the recording of the vocal track, but the acoustic guitar track sounds a bit artificially boomy in the bottom end, which in my ear creates a disconnect between the two. The volume balance between the tracks is good - they just sound like they were recorded in two different places at different times. But it could be my old ears don't work so well anymore......

 

I promised further comment......my two cents.......and we know that's not worth much.

[jefleppard]

you're really defining your sound sig, aaron. i love the tag "anti-folk" - that is really it, isnt it? the music matches the lyric well as it is a road song combined with a modern prayer. i love the surprise solo at the end. it caught me off guard and made me smile. once again a fine job. the song's message is a great one for all who are trying to write their own musical histories - cut your own path. solid advice as many new artists out there are content to just ride on the coat tails of their influences.

upon a second listen, i feel the tune wants to be an acoustic punk anthem similar to green days' good riddance. don't be afraid to put that dissonant, f'ed up chord in there that just throws everyone off.

again, fine work, aaron. i'm hooked.

[vincentw]

Yeah man. Cool. You going to see Gaslight and Frank Turner?

[larryp58]

Good job! Nice phrasing. Good guitar work. Keep after it!

[MimingMinds]

Thanks guys!

 

Gaslight and Frank Turner? I don't know them but I'll check them out for sure. And to Buc, your two cents mean quite a bit. It was actually a live take between the voice and guitar work but you're right. My Hummingbird Pro is a little boomy. Anyway you could recommend to fix that on the recording?

 

And for the Jesus thing, I was raised with a Jewish father and Catholic mother with a weird mix between the church with all its piety and passover dinners. So it kind of holds a little relevance. Moreover I just liked the idea. I want to get out but the closer I get to it, the more memories crop up if that makes sense.

 

Thanks again!

[Gilliangirl]

Love your voice! I'm jealous of people who can sing because I cannot. Great song too. Really catchy, like a good Ryan Adams song. I couldn't get the first link to work so I'm now on your Myspace page, so will keep listening. Good work, MM!

[Buc McMaster]

My Hummingbird Pro is a little boomy. Anyway you could recommend to fix that on the recording?

 

Well I'm most certainly not a recording engineer. Was it an onboard pickup to the mixing board, a live microphone or both? Mic placement can be critical in getting a balanced acoustic tone, as can choice of microphone and the room you're recording in. Outside of those it's equalization at the console: dial out some of the sub-sonic stuff that creates that excess boom. Are you working in a studio or knocking it out at home with a digital setup? Is there someone else twisting the knobs as you play to dial it in? Either way you should be able to re-tweak the EQ on the guitar.

[bkharmony]

Thoughts:

 

• Lyrics could use fewer cliches.

• Song in general could use more structure*; it sounds like four verses.

• Also, your rhyme scheme jumps all over the place, which exacerbates the previous point.

• Your voice is good when you're just singing, like in the first stanza, but too often it sounds like you're trying to force something. Let the game come to you.

• Watch your recording levels - way too much clipping on the vocal track and solo. Record the tracks clean then boost in the mix. Don't try to get all the dynamics on each individual track.

• Reverb is great, but use sparingly unless you're a surf band.

• Finally, tune your electric before recording a solo.

 

*If it were me, I'd take the 1st, 2nd and 3rd stanzas and make those verses (all with the changes from the first one) (A). The 4th stanza would be the chorus (. Solo ©. The last bit could be a coda (D), though I'm not sure it adds a lot. So... if it were me writing or producing, I'd go AABCABD, or even AABCABCD.

 

And tune the electric.

[MissouriPicker]

It's much easier to make sense of it when I hear it than when I read it. Very hard to follow the lyrics alone.. .....I'd drop the electric riff at the end of the song. Don't think it adds anything to the song but noise. Don't know if the guitar riff was someone really playing or if it was computer software, but it was too loud and overwhelmed the song. Just my view. Doesn't make me right and someone else wrong......Keep writing.

 

 

http://www.family-friendly-music.com/

[Guth]

Hey Aaron,

 

Thanks for posting up another one of your songs. I'm envious of anyone who is able to do a good job of singing (I can't sing worth a crap), but I'm especially envious of your vocal style/sound. I do seem to recall that overall recording quality of the other tunes that you've shared with us sounded better to me.

 

Other than that, I can relate to much of what Buc and cunkhead had to say. I've really enjoyed the work that Buc has posted here and I'm glad to see that you're taking his words to heart — that's a nice feedback loop to have. A few of cunkhead's comments also mirror my own thoughts. I too liked the thought of a stark electric guitar solo at the end of the tune, just maybe not that particular solo. I certainly don't think a solo was out of place there.

 

At any rate, I applaud anyone who will actually share their songcraft with us here. It's really nice to hear these guitars actually being put to use. I would normally refrain from expanding too much on my comments, but since you asked for evaluations, well what the heck.

 

Anyway, you've got a fantastic voice and I like the way you present yourself. You do a nice job with your songs and you deliver them in a manner that exudes confidence. That's something that I don't believe is easy to come by. I certainly look forward to hearing more of your songs should you choose to share them with us.

 

All the best,

Guth