A junkie's NGD, sort of

[sparquelito]

Okay, let's get this out of the way;

 

I'm a terrible person.

 

I'm weak, and given to self-indulgent binges of guitar excess.

I own too many, and last December I promised all of you, and more importantly, my family, that I wouldn't buy another guitar until after Christmas of 2017.

 

And so, last week, as a matter of fact, FATHERS DAY rolled around, and in a compassionate act, I ordered a guitar from Amazon dot com, just in case my wife came up short on the gift-buying end of the stick.

(Or in case she forgot Father's Day altogether, which happens sometimes.)

 

I think ahead.

It's what I do.

I'm an idea-man, and a problem-solver.

I'm generous, even.

 

I love my bride, and so I told her just a day or so before Father's Day,

"Say, honey. If you can't think of anything to get me for Sunday, I sort of ordered a pre-emptive gift. And you can just give it to me, and then all will be copacetic. That's how much I love you."

 

I smiled weakly.

"Just in case you forgot that Father's Day is coming up. And you needed something to hang in the stocking on the old mantle."

 

She put down the book she was reading.

"You ordered yourself a new guitar? And you want me to 'give' it to you for Father's Day?"

 

"Who said anything about a GUITAR? And shut up all that talk about me being an addict!! I won't have it, I tell you!!"

I sobbed. "I'm not an addict."

 

She spoke. "Did you order a guitar, and is that the package that is tucked away back in the guest room?"

 

"Yes. That's how much I love you. I KNOW how tough it is shopping for me, and I wanted to spare you the stress of hunting around for a proper gift."

 

She smiled. "Spark, you know I love you. And you are a good daddy. And I want you to have anything that you want, including another guitar."

 

I blurted, "So, you will GIVE me this guitar that you have never seen, for Father's Day, and tell everyone you ordered it for me, and that I knew nothing about it?"

 

I held my breath, and looked at her with tears in my eyes, expectantly awaiting her response.

 

I scratched the inside of my forearms, like a junkie waiting for his fix.

 

Sadly, she did what she always does.

She spoke the truth.

 

"Spark, I'm not going to give you that guitar. It's your gift to yourself. I'll get you a card, and buy you breakfast on daddy's day. But leave me out of this rationalization and projection nonsense. I won't lie to friends and family about that guitar. It's all on you, and you need to deal with it in your own way."

 

I hung my head, like the horrible guitar-junkie that I am.

"I guess I can deal with that. It really is a great guitar, and a million wonderful songs will be written on it."

 

I brightened, and then exclaimed, "It's shaped like an ASSAULT RIFLE, how cool is that??"

 

She shook her head sadly, and returned to her book.

I guess I was dismissed.

 

And on Father's Day, I enjoyed the secret pleasure of my Glenn Burton GE47 AK-47 style electric guitar, with dual humbuckers, composite body, flat-black painted body and maple neck, and ebony fingerboard.

Because my loving wife almost sort-of got it for me.

 

And I'm NOT a guitar addict, so shut up with that talk right here and now.

 

I'm not a guitar addict.

 

:(

 

 

[brad1]

Good story!

Nice rationalization.

Neat guitar.

Do you need a permit for that thing?

[kelly campbell]

LOL Great story Sparky, keep at it maybe some day you will break the chain of addiction. But then maybe not, we can only hope not.

['Scales]

Probably best not to fly the commercial airlines with that one.

[merciful-evans]

wives buy cards & pressies for their husbands on fathers day?! :o

 

 

anyway, show us the guitar!