Lars68 Posted May 15, 2020 Share Posted May 15, 2020 (edited) Below is a new song I just ”finished” (no song of mine will ever be completely finished). This time around I went for some fingerpicking on my Sheryl Crow Southern Jumbo, which is one of my favorite modern (2012) guitars. I usually don't fingerpick much, so this has been a learning experience for me. The rhythm is not perfect, but I hope it works. The song is about lost love, and unwanted circumstances. It's just a made up story, nothing autobiographical (except the bit about listening to ”The Queen Is Dead” in 1986) , so don't worry about the third verse 😃 Thanks to David Hanners and Patriotsbiker for helping me backchannel along the way! Lars GROW WINGS & FLY VERSE 1 Do you remember that summer? It must have been ’86 We wore the grooves of ”The Queen Is Dead” Sitting on your bed with dreams and plans in our heads Only you had the brains and grades. We cried on the day you left. and I had to stay behind to bear the grind of the assembly line CHORUS 1 Some dreams grow wings and fly Others crash, wither and die May yours soar like an eagle in the sky VERSE 2 I sent you mixtapes in the mail. We talked for hours on the phone I said, ”go be an engineer aim for the stratosphere this town will still be here” You moved to the city, and you never called. Your mother said you found someone All the years since have not erased my memory of your face, laughter, or youthful grace CHORUS 2 , same as above VERSE 3 Dark glasses hide your face. A streak of grey gives your age away You say you're just stopping by But I sense a lie Please, tell me why All these years that I envied you. I'm so sorry, but I never knew You're safe now you've come this far He is behind bars No more bruises, no more scars CHORUS 3 , same as above Edited May 16, 2020 by Lars68 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
BoSoxBiker Posted May 16, 2020 Share Posted May 16, 2020 I like this one, Lars! Job well done. Very raw emotions and thoughts. Kind of a slow Bruce Springsteen vibe going on a topic many of us have faced. Real life predicament instead of vanilla, generic love songs. I think most people have their one flame that just could not work out from years ago that they think about from time to time, and wonder how that one ever ended up, etc. You did a good job connecting of connecting the listener to that memory, IMO. I also like that guitar playing, tone and placement. I liked the strings pad, too. Sounds like a teensy touch of bagpipes and harmonica mixed in. It fit nicely. Well, good job again, and a nod to the continued improvement from one song to the next. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Lars68 Posted May 16, 2020 Author Share Posted May 16, 2020 (edited) 1 hour ago, PatriotsBiker said: I like this one, Lars! Job well done. Very raw emotions and thoughts. Kind of a slow Bruce Springsteen vibe going on a topic many of us have faced. Real life predicament instead of vanilla, generic love songs. I think most people have their one flame that just could not work out from years ago that they think about from time to time, and wonder how that one ever ended up, etc. You did a good job connecting of connecting the listener to that memory, IMO. I also like that guitar playing, tone and placement. I liked the strings pad, too. Sounds like a teensy touch of bagpipes and harmonica mixed in. It fit nicely. Well, good job again, and a nod to the continued improvement from one song to the next. I appreciate the feedback, and again, the help on the final touches before this got posted here. The fingerpicking is okey, I guess. I wanted it to be more melodic, to follow the melody, but I couldn't do that. I'm learning. I'm also thinking that a soft, melodic, piano would be super in the second part of the song, but again, I can't do that either. Maybe in the future, when my neighbor and I can meet up again, after this virus crap is over, she could do that for me. I feel that in, at least certain segments, this might be my best singing effort to date. I'm having problems on the lower notes at the end of some lines, but maybe the days of me posting hopelessly out of tune vocals here on the forum might be a thing of the past... Lars Edited May 16, 2020 by Lars68 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
MissouriPicker Posted May 17, 2020 Share Posted May 17, 2020 (edited) I agree Lars! This is a good song. Nothing wrong with your fingerpicking. We all have growing pains with something new. I'll be honest,, the ending surprised the hell out of me. She finds her way back from hell. I was not expecting that. It's something I'll remember. You handled it well......Also, at first I was thinking that some of your rhymes were too easy and predictable, BUT, in essence they all fit the road you were following with this song and painted a good picture.. Good job! One thing I might suggest is that the chorus be stronger vocally (more force and volumn) and maybe a bit different tempo. As it is there's nothing (aside from reading along with your lyrics) that really sets it apart. BTW, the lyrics in the chorus are really good....................Anyway, my friend, for me this is a pretty darn decent song............................. Remember, draw a picture with words, write a song with a brush. Good work! Edited May 17, 2020 by MissouriPicker Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Lars68 Posted May 17, 2020 Author Share Posted May 17, 2020 Thanks for the comments, Larry. Glad you liked it. As for the chorus being emphasized more, I agree and I'll work on it. Also In the future my neighbor might be able to add some background vocals to good effect. Lars Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
MorrisrownSal Posted May 17, 2020 Share Posted May 17, 2020 Good post Lars. I agree with Larry... he said it better than I could regarding the variance between verse and chorus. i envy you. I have written a handful of songs. It just doesn’t come easy to me. I have a block or something. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
uncle fester Posted May 17, 2020 Share Posted May 17, 2020 Nice Lars, last one was good, this one is better! Keep at it. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Lars68 Posted May 17, 2020 Author Share Posted May 17, 2020 Well, thanks everyone! I will do some work on the chorus and see what I can come up with. I think I might try a strummed Nashville tuned second guitar also to bring some variation to my fingerpicked chords. Sal, you might not write many songs, but the ones you have posted here have been outstanding. Quality always trumps quantity. Lars Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
fortyearspickn Posted May 17, 2020 Share Posted May 17, 2020 Lars, I was really bowled over. I guess different strokes for different folks - but this 'theme' is one I seem to prefer over all others: "Lost Love, Returns Years Later". (As PatBike said better. ) I could not find anything I would change - seriously! Did you consider capoing it up a key ? Might make singing more fun - open up being able to play with it. And in case you didn't realize - you sang, at the end 'no bruises' instead of 'no more bruises'. More is better, I think. Singer Songwriter ! I think you've arrived! And, the fingerpicking was exactly what the song needs. Emphasize the words. Most people want a lyrics with a message, not fancy music with words thrown in as an accompaniment! Five Thumbs Up ! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Lars68 Posted May 17, 2020 Author Share Posted May 17, 2020 (edited) 32 minutes ago, fortyearspickn said: Lars, I was really bowled over. I guess different strokes for different folks - but this 'theme' is one I seem to prefer over all others: "Lost Love, Returns Years Later". (As PatBike said better. ) I could not find anything I would change - seriously! Did you consider capoing it up a key ? Might make singing more fun - open up being able to play with it. And in case you didn't realize - you sang, at the end 'no bruises' instead of 'no more bruises'. More is better, I think. Singer Songwriter ! I think you've arrived! And, the fingerpicking was exactly what the song needs. Emphasize the words. Most people want a lyrics with a message, not fancy music with words thrown in as an accompaniment! Five Thumbs Up ! Thanks, it means a lot knowing that something I wrote connected and made an impact. That is what it's really all about, isn't it? I really want to be good a this songwriting thing, and I have come to the realization that lyrics and melody is what I need to focus on. I've started too late to ever be a good singer or guitar player. Those things need to be workable, but being able to write good lyrics to a decent melody can compensate and make a song. So that is my aim going forward. I'm glad to hear you think I pulled it off this time around. Lars By the way, thanks for the lyrical catch. It was not intentional. Also, I tried different capo positions before settling on 2nd. It was the compromise that seemed to work the best. Edited May 17, 2020 by Lars68 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
zombywoof Posted May 17, 2020 Share Posted May 17, 2020 (edited) I felt you put that tune across. There was a sparseness to it which I liked. Kind of a hint of a Ramblin' Jack Elliot vibe. . Edited May 17, 2020 by zombywoof Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
jt Posted May 18, 2020 Share Posted May 18, 2020 Lovely, Lars. Thanks for sharing this with us. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Lars68 Posted June 11, 2020 Author Share Posted June 11, 2020 (edited) I think I have been able to do some quite successful polishing of my song in the couple of weeks since I started this thread. I re-did the vocals, adding emphasis to the chorus (as suggested) and improved pitch throughout. I added some background strings, a Nashville tuned second guitar, and some percussions towards the end. I was careful to keep all new additions very subtle, not wanting to change the original feel of the song. Finally, I changed the EQ settings slightly to bring some more clarity to the whole thing. There are still imperfections, but hey, that's just me. All in all, I think the improvements were worth the extra effort. I hope you agree. Lyrics are unchanged as per my first post above. Below is my new effort: Lars Edited June 11, 2020 by Lars68 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
BoSoxBiker Posted June 12, 2020 Share Posted June 12, 2020 There are a lot of great elements going on, Lars. Bravo! The whole thing really blends well and sounds nice. The only thing that was noticeable to me was the first time the BGVs hit that I was a little bit abrupt. The guitar tones have got to be amongst the best I've heard from your recordings. It's a sweet listen. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Lars68 Posted June 12, 2020 Author Share Posted June 12, 2020 1 hour ago, PatriotsBiker said: There are a lot of great elements going on, Lars. Bravo! The whole thing really blends well and sounds nice. The only thing that was noticeable to me was the first time the BGVs hit that I was a little bit abrupt. The guitar tones have got to be amongst the best I've heard from your recordings. It's a sweet listen. Thanks for the compliments! The background vocals might need to be lowered a bit, I don’t know. Eventually, I would like my neighbor to add hers instead of mine. It will sound so much better. Just need this virus business to pass before we can meet up again. Lars Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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