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Threat levels increase Worldwide...

pippy

By pippy
in The Gibson Lounge

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pippy

pippy

Posted
Posted

Just a small thing which a (French) friend sent to cheer us up which takes the mickey out of pretty much every country that took part in the '39 - '45 bunfight...

 

It tickled my fancy and I thought others here may find it amusing too....

 

(Apologies in advance to those who feel I'm lacking in taste.)

 

 

"Different Terror Threat Levels Around The World

 

The English are feeling the pinch in relation to recent terrorist threats and have raised their security level from "Miffed" to "Peeved." Soon, though, security levels may be raised yet again to "Irritated" or even "A Bit Cross." The English have not been "A Bit Cross" since the blitz in 1940 when tea supplies all but ran out. Terrorists have been re-categorized from "Tiresome" to a "Bloody Nuisance." The last time the British issued a "Bloody Nuisance" warning level was in 1588 when threatened by the Spanish Armada.

 

The Scots raised their threat level from "Pissed Off" to "Let's get the Bastards" They don't have any other levels. This is the reason they have been used on the front line of the British army for the last 300 years.

 

The French government announced yesterday that it has raised its terror alert level from "Run" to "Hide". The only two higher levels in France are "Collaborate" and "Surrender." The rise was precipitated by a recent fire that destroyed France 's white flag factory, effectively paralyzing the country's military capability. It's not only the French who are on a heightened level of alert. Italy has increased the alert level from "Shout loudly and excitedly" to "Elaborate Military Posturing." Two more levels remain: "Ineffective Combat Operations" and "Change Sides."

 

The Germans also increased their alert state from "Disdainful Arrogance" to "Dress in Uniform and Sing Marching Songs." They also have two higher levels: "Invade a Neighbor" and "Lose".

 

Belgians, on the other hand, are all on holiday as usual, and the only threat they are worried about is NATO pulling out of Brussels.

 

The Spanish are all excited to see their new submarines ready to deploy. These beautifully designed subs have glass bottoms so the new Spanish navy can get a really good look at the old Spanish navy.

 

Americans meanwhile and as usual are carrying out pre-emptive strikes, on all of their allies, just in case.

 

And in the southern hemisphere...

 

New Zealand has also raised its security levels - from "baaa" to "BAAAA!". Due to continuing defence cutbacks (the air force being a squadron of spotty teenagers flying paper aeroplanes and the navy some toy boats in the Prime Minister's bath), New Zealand only has one more level of escalation, which is "I hope Australia will come and rescue us".

 

Australia , meanwhile, has raised its security level from "No worries" to "She'll be all-right, mate". Three more escalation levels remain: "Crikey!", "I think we'll need to cancel the barbie this weekend" and "The barbie is cancelled". So far no situation has ever warranted use of the final escalation level"

 

P.S. No-one has discovered the identity of the authour but, judging by the 'US English' employed, it would seem likely to have been a North American.

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Dub-T-123

Dub-T-123

Posted
Posted

That was funny but I can see how someone can get seriously offended by this.

 

At least it makes fun of just about everybody right?

 

I don't think it's by an American. I've never met an American who says "aeroplane" before but the rest of the English was pretty American.

 

I love your avatar by the way, Pip. Great picture. I take it that's your daughter?

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Lowdown

Lowdown

Posted
Posted
Australia ' date=' meanwhile, has raised its security level from "No worries" to "She'll be all-right, mate". Three more escalation levels remain: "Crikey!", "I think we'll need to cancel the barbie this weekend" and "The barbie is cancelled". So far no situation has ever warranted use of the final escalation level"

[/quote']

 

[lol]

 

But they left one out -

 

"Ah fukc them wankers...pass us another beer will ya digger". [blink]

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Lowdown

Lowdown

Posted
Posted
What's a digger?

 

Digger is an old school term for mate(china-plate' date='cobber,champ,tiger etc.).

During WW1 soldiers dug themselves in (you call them fox-holes over there) to protect from bombs,artillery,shrapnel etc. and were referred to as "Diggers".

 

Soldiers would refer to each other as diggers,and it carried on when they returned home...

but over the years this has all been lost to "Dude",buddy,pal . Wearing baseball cap backwards,pants around your knees and showing your undies ad nauseum...[thumbup

 

You did ask:-"

 

NEVER lose or be ashamed of your identity.

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TommyK

TommyK

Posted
Posted

You're whistlin' in the graveyard Pippy.

 

But... your whistlin' is justified. Remember what happened the last time politicians were uttering the phrase, "New World Order."

 

Hold on to your hats fellas, we're in for a big blow. :-({|= <--Nero

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pippy

pippy

Posted
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Well; as far as whistling in the graveyard is concerned;

 

I've been fortunate never to have had to place my life on the line to satisfy-or repulse- the desires of a power-mad politician.

 

This doesn't mean I'm ignorant of the ultimate sacrifice paid by millions of brave people and they, and those who survived, have my deepest respect.

 

My father was in the Tank Corps during WWII and came home, eventually, in 1947.

My mother served with the WAAF (Womens Auxiliary Air Force) throughout the same conflict having volunteered as an 18 year-old girl and came home as well.

My Grandfather was an infantryman during WWI and was invalided out after the battle of Ypres (Google it if you don't already know). He had several lumps of shrapnel in his skull, vertebrae and chest until the day he died but at least that was not until 1976.

 

They all had a deep-seated hatred for warfare for the rest of their lives and the usual reasons for conflict starting in the first place.

 

They also all had similarly deep-seated senses of humour and irony.

 

P.S. My post contained a wide sweeping humourous look at many different countries and their perceived characteristics. It wasn't a xenophobic, bigoted or racist attack on any one country - unlike one other thread in the lounge.

 

:D

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