rocketman Posted March 1, 2011 Share Posted March 1, 2011 Anyway, it's nice, but rare if you can find a group where everyone can work through issues without someone getting all huffy/puffy. It usually comes down to EGO. Wow, you just described university faculty meetings too! Ever try to sit in a room with 30 Ph.D.s and have a rational discussion about something? It ain't pretty. I try to put my ego aside and let my work do the talking for me. I think the same thing applies to musicians. I hope it all works out for you Dave. We're always here for you... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
jaxson50 Posted March 1, 2011 Share Posted March 1, 2011 Do the gig without a bass player....see what happens...there is no law that says you must have a bass player. I was in a rather large band that went thru the same situation, that is to say, too much practice....it tends to bring out petty BS.... If the singers prove to be capable without a bass player, you can always work one into the act, if they stink, part ways... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
daveinspain Posted March 1, 2011 Author Share Posted March 1, 2011 OBTW I would have stuck with the original Bass player; since it appears in your thread the problem was with the singers not the bass player. Sorry to hear you are going through a stressful deal with your band as well... At least the mind image of you trying to get your 400 pound drummer in the Mustang gave me some good comic relief!!! I may continue with the gigs we have coming up if the rehearsal goes well but I am by no means discounting the possibility of doing something with the bass player in the future... I'm going to bed now, it's almost 5am here... Hopefully I can get some sleep... Thanks for listening... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
saturn Posted March 1, 2011 Share Posted March 1, 2011 Ever try to sit in a room with 30 Ph.D.s and have a rational discussion about something? I can't say that I have Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
jaxson50 Posted March 1, 2011 Share Posted March 1, 2011 guitarest I'd be out of that outfit so fast there would be no tracks....and I wouldn't trust the other guitar player at all... Any drummer that can't haul his kit and put it together is a lost cause... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
jaxson50 Posted March 1, 2011 Share Posted March 1, 2011 Well if the drummer is like a brother to him let him haul his big but around... <_< Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Searcy Posted March 1, 2011 Share Posted March 1, 2011 Sounds like this drummer is a real loser.... I don't mean that is a bad way! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
daveinspain Posted March 1, 2011 Author Share Posted March 1, 2011 deleted double post Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
daveinspain Posted March 1, 2011 Author Share Posted March 1, 2011 First off I'm think this 400 pound drummer must be an unbelievable drummer that pulls in a crowd just for the fact that he is on stage. It that's not the case why is he even there?? Second if he is a good drummer and a friend I would tell him he needs to loose weight if he wants to stay in the band, not only for all the things you mentioned but more for him, for his health. Tell him he needs to go on a diet and loose 10 pounds a month or he is out... If he doesn't agree start looking for a new drummer because he will soon be a dead drummer anyway. I know, sounds cold but it's the truth.... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
stein Posted March 1, 2011 Share Posted March 1, 2011 i don't know excatly what to say. on the one hand, everyone here is totally right. i feel like a complete hippocrit because i have been in few bands because of many of the same reasons. taking crap or watching others take crap is not my idea of where i want to be. hearing these stories brings back the feelings i had when they were happening, and i feel it. i have done the same things i hear here as well-take a walk. but, i have to say that it isn't so much as regret, but i would have done things a lot different. being a player and how successful you are going to be is directly related to how much crap you can deal with. not condoning bad behaivior one bit here, but whenever you got 5 guys together for the same thing, there is going to be some crap brought to the table, including mine (or yours). one guy gets bent because the wrong chord is played, another guy gets bent because of how he was told. some poeple want to learn how to play well at all cost, some don't want to be told because it is more important to not feel hurt by it. who can be right? one guy vents to a member, who goes and tells another, and someone is bent because something not to nice was said. and i am NOT talking about the situations i heard here, i am talking about what i am reminded of from my own experiences, from what i heard here. had i to do some of these bands over again, what i would have done different is instead of wondering who was right or wrong, i would have just let them be wrong and learned how to forgive more, and looking back, most of them have learned to do right anyway. and of corse, very hippocritical of me. it is easy to forgive others thier quirks, until one of these quirks steps on my toes, them my feelings change. easier to tell someone else to accept it. so the point is, how do we accept being bent by someone without getting upset and letting it affect us? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
daveinspain Posted March 1, 2011 Author Share Posted March 1, 2011 i don't know excatly what to say. on the one hand, everyone here is totally right. i feel like a complete hippocrit because i have been in few bands because of many of the same reasons. taking crap or watching others take crap is not my idea of where i want to be. hearing these stories brings back the feelings i had when they were happening, and i feel it. i have done the same things i hear here as well-take a walk. but, i have to say that it isn't so much as regret, but i would have done things a lot different. being a player and how successful you are going to be is directly related to how much crap you can deal with. not condoning bad behaivior one bit here, but whenever you got 5 guys together for the same thing, there is going to be some crap brought to the table, including mine (or yours). one guy gets bent because the wrong chord is played, another guy gets bent because of how he was told. some poeple want to learn how to play well at all cost, some don't want to be told because it is more important to not feel hurt by it. who can be right? one guy vents to a member, who goes and tells another, and someone is bent because something not to nice was said. and i am NOT talking about the situations i heard here, i am talking about what i am reminded of from my own experiences, from what i heard here. had i to do some of these bands over again, what i would have done different is instead of wondering who was right or wrong, i would have just let them be wrong and learned how to forgive more, and looking back, most of them have learned to do right anyway. and of corse, very hippocritical of me. it is easy to forgive others thier quirks, until one of these quirks steps on my toes, them my feelings change. easier to tell someone else to accept it. so the point is, how do we accept being bent by someone without getting upset and letting it affect us? Sounds like the words of a wise man... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Sproggie Posted March 1, 2011 Share Posted March 1, 2011 [quote any band that had couples in it is a time bomb... ............. Fleetwood Mac. But at least they stuck together as a band. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
surfpup Posted March 1, 2011 Share Posted March 1, 2011 Is it ok to quote yourself???? As long as you don't do it too often you won't go blind. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Silenced Fred Posted March 1, 2011 Share Posted March 1, 2011 From what I can contribute to this thread... Dave- that seriously sucks. I hated it when I was stuck in the middle of band drama, its just not worth it to me. The current band I am works out pretty well. Myself, the other guitarist and the drummer get along great. Our styles and playing meshes well. The bassist however, is my sister's friend and we got her because she is one of the few bassists in the area. She hardly has "time" to make it to practice, the one practice out of the past 5 or so we have had that she actually showed up to, she didn't really play a whole lot and turned down real low so you couldn't even hear her. We are trying to teach her the songs, but she says she has it, then doesn't play before that, the singer and bass player in the cover band I was in temporarily were always fighting, the bassist wanted to sing (well rap actually) and the singer had lead singer syndrome, show up to practice late, never practice, forget words, leave early, etc. Just gotta find the right people man. If you are doing it for fun mainly and not trying to make a living, then do it for fun. If you don't enjoy it, then it might be time to split Guitarest- my friend's band has a drummer that was huge! probably about 350-400 and they put him on a strict diet, but he went along with it. He dropped over 100 lbs in just over a year, and his drumming got amazing. Before he would always be out of breath when he played, and then when he dropped the weight, his drumming improved because he wasn't out of breath, and his double bass pedal work is one of the best I have heard. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
duane v Posted March 1, 2011 Share Posted March 1, 2011 how old are these individuals???? This situation would seem quite the norm for bands that have individuals from 16-25 years of age, but middle aged people??? That seems odd to me. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
daveinspain Posted March 1, 2011 Author Share Posted March 1, 2011 how old are these individuals???? This situation would seem quite the norm for bands that have individuals from 16-25 years of age, but middle aged people??? That seems odd to me. Yes, we are all middle aged people.... and yes it is happening to us. It's actually part of the problem. I never minded being told what I was doing wrong, instead I took the advise to better myself. The others have all been at it many years and feel that no one should be telling them how they should be doing something or pointing out mistakes... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
daveinspain Posted March 1, 2011 Author Share Posted March 1, 2011 I'm off now to band rehearsal with the new bass player... I'll let you know how it went when I get home... Thanks again for all the input... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
bschory Posted March 1, 2011 Share Posted March 1, 2011 I'm off now to band rehearsal with the new bass player... I'll let you know how it went when I get home... Thanks again for all the input... Good luck, Dave! Sorry to hear about all of this, but hope it works out for the best for you and your playing. The world needs as many passionate, level headed musicians as it can get. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
bschory Posted March 1, 2011 Share Posted March 1, 2011 Guitarest- my friend's band has a drummer that was huge! probably about 350-400 and they put him on a strict diet, but he went along with it. He dropped over 100 lbs in just over a year, and his drumming got amazing. Before he would always be out of breath when he played, and then when he dropped the weight, his drumming improved because he wasn't out of breath, and his double bass pedal work is one of the best I have heard. I hear this one. I look at people that big and go "man I never want to get there". I should say I'm hovering in and around 300 myself. Up to a few years ago I don't know how much of that was muscle. Lately I've been dropping fat and gaining muscle, though not enough for me to be at all comfortable in any way with yet. The road continues, but I decided a while ago that it didn't matter how I looked but how I felt. When being that size made me feel tired and like crud all the time, it was time for a change. I feel a ton better overall these days. The battle continues, but even through it all, you have to have an attitude of "man up and make improvements". I used to play drums a lot, including marching with them in high school, and I'd get out of breath. At that time, I made a decision though to make it longer between being out of breath every time, and to not let that affect my playing. Improvement over time. I got out of that habit for a while in college, but I'm back to it. I always move my own gear, and I help as much with everyone else's as possible. Basically they have to beat me to it or I do it myself. You have to do a little more than you feel capable of every time, so the next time you've got to do it, it will be easier. Push yourself and don't settle in to bad habits and change will come. Maybe you need to find another big guy with the right attitude to sit down with this drummer and push him a bit, but something in his life needs to change or he won't be around much longer. That's the sad reality, and I hope someone steps in to his life and makes him really, truly, realize that. - B Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
TommyK Posted March 1, 2011 Share Posted March 1, 2011 ....The bass player is the band leader and arranger,... There in lies, I suspect, the rub. Most singers fancy themselves as the leader. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
surfpup Posted March 1, 2011 Share Posted March 1, 2011 There in lies, I suspect, the rub. Most singers fancy themselves as the leader. Which is just silly. Don't they realize the guitar player should be in charge? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
jaxson50 Posted March 2, 2011 Share Posted March 2, 2011 Fred we tried with him and I even tried individually offering to help him walk. The singers girl friend would cook a quick bite for the band maybe once or twice a month and you would not believe what this guy would pile on a plate. I was tuning and got to the kitchen late and they had cooked spaghetti with meat sauce, veggies and toast. When I got to the kitchen his plate was at the very least piled up 3 to 4 inches for him. What was left for me was a very small amount left in the spaghetti, one slice of toast and loads of veggies that he skipped. I never followed him again to the kitchen as he made sure he got what he wanted, although after he had grabbed a few forks of food off his plate he offered me some of his food. I quickly refused without thinking twice about that one.... This picture is a little misleading since we are standing close to each other; I am the one with the Gibson shirt. To put things in perspective I weight around 180 in that picture. Nobody gets obese without great effort, I have family members who have dealt with the problem their whole life. One was over 450 lbs at one time, they have had a surgical procedure and it has helped them greatly. When ever I see a news story about a person who is so large they can't get out of their house the first thing I think is, how do they get food? They can't work, they can't shop, but somehow they get food and a lot of it...family members and friends are enablers....like alcoholics and food addiction is just as destructive as any other substance. Then there is the whole supersized fast food thing...I never have figured out why anybody needs 64 oz.s of carbonated sugar water and corn syrup, but apparently they do...When I was a kid obesity was pretty rare in the US. I can only imagine what this is going to do to the healthcare system in a few years. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
TommyK Posted March 3, 2011 Share Posted March 3, 2011 Nobody gets obese without great effort, I have family members who have dealt with the problem their whole life. One was over 450 lbs at one time, they have had a surgical procedure and it has helped them greatly. When ever I see a news story about a person who is so large they can't get out of their house the first thing I think is, how do they get food? They can't work, they can't shop, but somehow they get food and a lot of it...family members and friends are enablers....like alcoholics and food addiction is just as destructive as any other substance. Then there is the whole supersized fast food thing...I never have figured out why anybody needs 64 oz.s of carbonated sugar water and corn syrup, but apparently they do...When I was a kid obesity was pretty rare in the US. I can only imagine what this is going to do to the healthcare system in a few years. ALong those same lines... what goes in, must come out... How do they....? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Searcy Posted March 3, 2011 Share Posted March 3, 2011 I honestly wouldn't care if the guy was 500# so long as he pulled his own weight... pardon the pun... He should buy a van that he and his kit can fit in and set up and break down his own kit. Then instead of being a burden to his band mates he has become an assert because he has a van that all the gear can be hauled in. If he can do all that the only thing that matters is if he can hold a groove and count to 4. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Searcy Posted March 3, 2011 Share Posted March 3, 2011 Right on! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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