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VINTAGE Esteban???


onewilyfool

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About seven years ago, after seeing one of his info-mercials on late night television, I did a little research on Mr. "Esteban" and wrote this article in a blog. If you're a fan of Esteban or his so-called "guitars", you may not want to read this.

 

This Way to See Esteban's Egress

The circus showman P.T. Barnum once said "Never give a sucker an even break." He was famous as the king of hype; drawing a crowd with hyperbole and appealing to the gullibility of the masses to bilk them out of their cash. Mountebank, snake oil salesman and charlatan, Barnum proved that his philosophy - "No one ever went broke underestimating the intelligence of the American people" - was essentially correct.

 

One of Barnum's more fascinating exhibits was his "egress". When you paid your money to enter Barnum's hall of wonders, eventually you would see a sign that read "This way to see the EGRESS!" Intrigued, people would queue to get their chance to see this mysterious... what? Animal? Half-man, half-snake? Who knew? Once they went down the corridor and though the door to see this amazing site, they found themselves outside. Barnum had removed one paid customer replacing him with a new paying customer! Brilliant!

 

P. T. Barnum may be dead, but his ideals live on in TV infomercials, get rich pyramid scams by email and the Home Shopping Network. Which brings me to a gentleman after Barnum's own heart - Stephen Paul, more commonly known as Esteban. If you haven't seen Esteban's infomercial for his "Gift of Guitar", you're missing a treat - that is, if you are the type who is stupified by incredibly bad taste, bold face liars and unabashed greed. It is akin to being unable look away when you see those home videos of people doing stupid tricks and hurting themselves.

 

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Stephen Paul in a Zorro hat.

Esteban started life as Stephen Paul. He began playing the guitar at age eight. After earning a degree in English at Carnegie Mellon, he began to stalk his guitar hero Andreas Segovia. He would book a hotel room in whatever city Segovia might be playing and send him telegrams saying, "My life means nothing unless I can study with you." He finally met Segovia by pretending to be a bell hop. Esteban claims Segovia agreed to teach him and gave him the name "Esteban" because he couldn't pronounce Stephen. Paul also claims Segovia endorsed him as a guitarist - something Segovia never did for anyone. Could it be that Andreas simply conceded to listen to Paul and give him a few classes to appease an obvious stalker?

 

After studying with Segovia for a questionable five years, Stephen Paul began touring in 1978. Two years later he was involved in a car accident which damaged the nerves to his hands (and the sight in his left eye unless you believe his other story about getting hit with a line drive playing baseball at age twelve). He could no longer play the guitar. After a decade as a home siding salesman and rounds of acupuncture, Esteban regained the use of his hands and began playing the guitar as a lobby lounge act in the Scottsdale Arizona Hyatt Regency. Dressed like Zorro, he wow'd the lounge club audiences as well as a certain Joy Mangano of the Home Shopping Network. Soon, Esteban was selling his CD's via HSN. Esteban's gift for selling siding translated quickly into selling guitar-like objects.

 

His "Gift of Guitar" infomercial shows Esteban with a senior-like fellow comparing Esteban's guitar with a 1960's Martin D-18. Esteban then plays the "Burswood" guitar and comments on its wonderful "tone", even though it is clearly plugged into an amplifier. He plays various styles from "Bach to Rock" with his long acrylic nails, gettin' down with his senior rocker friend filling in with two note bending solos on the Martin.

 

Esteban's next infomercial has him in a LIVE concert with his band. He has conspicuously replaced his dumpy sideman with an attractive brunette who doesn't play guitar but gushes about how wonderful the guitar sounds and looks with its pretty "borders". The audience cheers and applauds but when the camera cuts to them it is clearly stock footage of concert audience. Esteban rocks on with his band in a version of "House of the Rising Sun" that sounds like it is straight from "The Good, The Bad and The Ugly" soundtrack, while the announcer tells of the wonderful $200 package that will delight your friends or family for Christmas.

 

This is fascinating viewing until you recognize how many people are being taken in by this charlatan. It is bad enough that Esteban tries to cash in on the name of Segovia, but this costumed phony sells these guitar-shaped cardboard boxes as a "gift of music" to those who truly have a desire to play the guitar. Most who try to learn to play, on a poorly constructed guitar, will give up because they are impossible to play in the first place. It is telling that in an interview about his guitar playing, Esteban comments that his uncle bought him his first guitar at the age of eight, "That cost my uncle a couple hundred bucks, and that was a lot of money back then. A lot of times kids get guitars and they're hard to play, so they give up. But that was a dream to play." The hypocrisy displayed by this statement, given the fact that he is literally selling millions of crap guitars to youngsters all over the world, is simply appalling.

 

These Esteban guitars cannot even be called musical instruments. The comments from suckers... ummm... buyers, paint a picture of an instrument made from cardboard or chipboard, which, if it isn't in pieces when it arrives, turns into a pretzel within days. One person claimed the strings were 1/2" off the fretboard and that a string snapped when they tried to play it. He was concerned for his son's safety!

 

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Someone cut the back off of an Esteban guitar to reveal its true quality workmanship! :(

 

Needless to say the 30 day money back guarantee was a tad difficult in obtaining. "Sorry sir! You are now outside the tent. If you would like to speak to Mr. Barnum, you'll have to stand in line with your two bits!"

 

Don't wait to order yours now! Don't forget! It comes with all you see here PLUS an ALIEN KEY! Operators are standing by to take your money!

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I have to add this one review of the Esteban Burswood Acoustic guitar on Harmony-Central. This guy is hilarious and gives the guitar a "well deserved" five star rating:

 

Features: *****

The body of this particular guitar is made of only the finest dried goat manure, aged balsa wood, and shellac. It features strings made of particularly brittle barbed wire and components made of the cheapest (and therefore, most cost-effective) plastic available. One interesting new feature: Insta-Brake technology. The Insta-Brake system guarantees that each and every component of this guitar will break within the first week of owning. This is a refreshing change of pace for people who are SICK AND TIRED of guitars that actually last a lifetime... they have to sit around and wait for their guitars to become old and unusable and sometimes that never happens.

 

Action, Fit and Finish *****

I firmly believe that musicians should have to WORK when they play guitar. A guitar shouldn't make the act of playing EASY... no, it should be a painful and difficult chore so that you learn discipline. Nothing is handed to you. For my money, the Esteban is perfect in this regard. The incredibly high action is positively agonizing. My fingers were hemorrhaging blood within mere seconds. NO aspect of this guitar is comfortable, from the body shape (which could best be described as "shaped like a diseased rhinoceros") to the frets (that gouged into my hands like needles). In other words, this guitar will make you a tougher player! Thumbs up! (assuming you have any thumbs left after using this guitar)

 

Sound Quality *****

The music I play is Experimental Noise. I deliberately try to create atonal and un-musical sound effects, much like John Cage when he dropped random objects on piano strings. The Esteban is perfect for me because when I strum the strings, it doesn't sound anything like music! Instead, you get a repulsive squawk, like someone smashing a ball-peen hammer on sheet metal.

 

Reliability/Durability *****

Personally, I'm really tired of guitars that withstand years of reliable and durable live playing. Where's the fun in that?? I mean, if you have a reliable and dependable instrument that you can count on to deliver the same quality sound every night, it can get a bit boring. Talk about predictable. The Esteban models are guaranteed by the manufacturer to be in a different tuning each and every time you pick it up. In fact, all Esteban guitars are purposely designed to be so unreliable you never know what will happen next. In one case, my new guitar changed itself to open G tuning mid-chord. In another case, the bridge spontaneously fell off. Another night, it exploded, starting a fire and killing four people. Yes, I gig with it! It's a blast!

 

Customer Service *****

I called HSN to congratulate them on producing such a unique instrument. I was placed on hold for 3 1/2 hours, after which time, I was transferred to a Romanian brothel where I was verbally abused in an unspecified eastern European language for 30 minutes. I hung up, called back, and was lucky enough to speak to a customer service rep who actually spoke English. Her name was Liz and although she knew nothing of guitars, she introduced me to several new swear words. She explained that whatever my opinion, I was wrong. I tried telling her that I had nothing but good things to say and she told me to cram it. She then began screaming and crying. There is no warranty, but HSN will charge me $200 to return my guitar. This may sound like a raw deal, but I get to keep my autographed photo of Esteban! That's right, you can return the guitar and they never ask you to return the beautiful photo of Esteban's lovely face. THAT'S a policy I can agree with!

 

Overall Rating *****

This guitar is simply a 10!!! The sound sets you apart as a musician and tells everyone listening that you don't NEED to be in tune to sound good. The action and playability are so painful you will become a stronger player (if you survive). Truly, it's impressive. I couldn't make a guitar like this if I tried

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My son-in-law has an Esteban guitar. My daughter bought it for him, along with all the CD lessons for something like $199. The guitar itself is really not that bad. Not good, but not "that" bad. It's a red classical guitar, nylon strings, and really pretty easy to play. I wouldn't have bought it, but she did and now he's playing a decent TAK most of the time. The CDs are pretty decent, from the ones I've surfed through and the guitar and CDs did get hi interested ini things. . He still plays the Esteban at times. By itself, I don't think the guitar was worth $50, new. It's a dimestore guitar. I've seen a steel-stringed Esteban and it was really poor. Pathetic is a good word for it.....The infomercials have been extremely successful. I wish I had the knack for making money like that. I've read his personal history. I don't know what's true, if anything, what's exaggerated, if anything, what's not true, if anything........While I'm not a fan of classical music, I've seen the guy play guitar (outside of the commericals) and the guy can play. Wish I could play like that. However, I've got to say that a couple of his fingernails are filed to a point. They look like triangles. They give me the creeps...lol...., but, the man can play guitar.

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Uh....guys......the funny was "VINTAGE"....lol

 

 

Ain't all of our faces going to be red though when years down the road some famous rock star records that generation's Stairway to Heaven with an Esteban and prices for original offerings reach a status previously unimagined.

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The mere mention of the name of the Great Masked One takes me back to the forum of yesterday

 

Shame few of his guitars pass the course of time

 

Hiya Robert.... All well?

 

Karens birthday today BTW!

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Well I'm no fan. But did order an Esteban steel string a few years ago. I must have got lucky. I changed the strings and adjusted the neck. It is a very playable guitar. Action is ok, sound is ok, nothing spectacular just and average ply wood guitar. Its in the closet, but still looks brand new and its light years ahead of the guitar I had at 12 years old.

 

Now its the only Estaban I have ever played or seen up close, its actually a pretty guitar. I would have no problem buying one for a neice or nephew to learn on. I wouldn't say its an easy guitar to play, but on the other hand its not a difficult guitar to play either. The intonation is actually quite good.

 

Flame away:)

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.... did order an Esteban steel string a few years ago. ..... Its in the closet ....

Flame away:)

 

No flames. I still have a cheapo plywood I acquired back in the 70s - plays okay, sounds great.

 

 

But you never said how long your Esteban has been in the closet . . . . . long enough to be a VINTAGE Esteban I suspect? . B)

 

 

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