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Dude I am there with yah man. Read Therm's and sfden1 posts over and over...there is a lot of truth and good advice there.


A Positive is that your parents are splitting. I went through a lot of similar growing up, but my parents stayed together "for the kids" and what a load of Bull **** that is.....


Instead of taking a raging cancer (thier relationship) and operating....they chose to ignore it and pretend it wasn't there. It all started then I was 6. 1966 My older Sister called to say she was spending the night at a friends house, instead they we walking around at 10PM visiting some friends and while crossing the street a drunk diver hit them and killed her and her friend. My Mom blamed herself for giving her permission, even though my sister lied about what she was doing.


First they partied to try and ignore it all. Our house became the party house ......Sinatra and Engelbert playing and everyone getting drunk and my Mom going to her "Diet" doctor to get pills.


Dysfunction ---Anger----Booze and Pills all came together and crashed ......My Dad withdrew and talking about my Sister was not allowed. My Mom wanted to talk through her guilt and was given the cold shoulder by her Husband. This was the beginning of finding what a terrible ..selfish and mean person my Father was.


Then it festered for years. My parents began fighting. My Dad was a big loud strong man with a terrible temper. He became totally selfish and completely ignored the family except to yell and insult us. My Mom gained 300 pounds and never got off the couch and I ran the house. I did all the cooking, cleaning, laundry and took care of my little sister and if dinner was late or over cooked.......I was verbally torn to bits. It went on like this from when I was about 10 till I finally got out of there at 19. My little sister hit about 12 and started into the punk scene. She was totally out of control and is very lucky to still be alive considering 90% of her friends killed themselves one way or another.


Harmonic .....I guess I am trying to show that 1) you are not alone and 2) be glad that they are separating and eventually this bad dynamic will mostly go away.


I learned to be a much stronger person from my experience. I learned that we don't get to choose our family so all this doesn't need to reflect on ME! When my Dad hit 80 he got very fragile and had no friends or family members that would give him the time of day. It fell on me to take care of him. Here I was....I thought I had gotten over it all, but now I had to revisit all these issues. I took care of him for 5 years, got him into an assisted living facility, took care of his finances, everything. Of course the verbal abuse never stopped . The day before he died he told me that I was the worst Son a man could ever have and he hated me. It may have been the last thing he said to me.....I can't remember for sure now.


It has been about a year and a half since he passed. For me now the episode is complete. He is gone. All my life I was so afraid I would be like him...turn out to be him. I didn't. I learned lessons from seeing his life. He had no love....no friends....no compassion. I have been very happily married for 23 years. My Wife and I are best friends and love each other dearly. I found that I have both the strength of character and compassion to have cared for a man I hated and do what was right. I AM A BETTER MAN THEN HE EVER WAS! I learned from his mistakes and chose not to make them.


You need to learn from this experience. Do not let the anger buried inside you to turn negative or self destructive. Choose to do what you know is right and choose to be a better man and have a better life.


You sound like you have a good attitude about this. Be strong! Gut it out and use music as your sanctuary and keep posting here.....you have friends here and support!

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Because the kid deserves every help we can give him - and that don't amount to much' date=' really.


harmonicchaos - you still reading this? If'n y'are - just let us all know. Rootin' for yah :- [/quote']


Truly. Let us know how you are.

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He had us this weekend. At least it wasn't overnight the first weekend. Since (for now) he has to be supervised, we were at his mom's house for the entire time. It was bad.


I can't say to much though. I might end up getting in trouble.


I got a really bad feeling being over there... and i don't think that it was completely unwarranted.


I don't know what I'm going to do when he gets us from 6 on friday until 6 on sunday. I don't want to stay there for long periods of time, let alone sleep there.


I don't know why the hell i should be punished for something i didn't do and had nothing to do with.


And sometimes i begin to wonder, despite all of the things he's done, that maybe it's all just me or in my head.


Thanks for everyone's support, this is helping keep me going. It's one of the few things I have right now.


I never have a break, I can't live a typical teenager's life. I see so many teenagers whose biggest worry is what party or event etc. is coming up this weekend.


I've missed out on so much.


Sometimes I get so angry, I shake. If it weren't for me being able to live somewhat vicariously through music, I would have exploded.


Please keep posting guys and gals, you don't know how much It's helped me.



I just reread that, and It's sounds really weird. It's kinda choppy and oriented strangely compared to how I usually write. Shi.t.

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Hey brother,


If I were you, I'd try to keep this in mind. Married adults can go through times when they hate each other. The hatred and pain they feel can sometimes bleeds over into their relationships with their children and that's unforunate. Don't give up on either of them! They both probably love you and that includes your dad. He might be so wrapped up in the hate and anger towards your mom, that he can't see or won't see what it's doing to you and your sister. If your mom has been sick for some time, that's probably a hard thing for your dad to deal with. I know from my own experience with MS, that my wife feels an incredible strain and sometimes anger. It's not what she "signed up for" and it's very hard for her to deal with. Adults can have a hard time dealing with life just like kids do, that's not an excuse for bad behavior, but it's a fact that you should realize.


Try to love both of your parents, they are both probably suffering mightily too. Divorce is one of the hardest things for a parent to go through. It's painful, stressful and depressing. It's a feeling of despair and failure for your parents too that you can't understand until you are married. Hang in there, don't hate, try not to take sides and try not to take any of the blame on yourself. It's not your fault. I know that some here don't understand my next advice or agree with me, but I'm speaking to you. I find solace, peace and comfort through prayer. You might try it, I believe that there is a God, that he listens and that he cares. Whatever you do, just be strong and don't be afraid to talk with others, don't hold everything inside. You will survive whatever happens and you'll eventually come out stronger and smarter for the experience.

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bump just so you know we're all pulling for you. i know its tough as i had a boozey, drill sargeant for a father who liked to belittle me and used fear to teach lessons. you've had some great advice in the previous posts from people who've been through it and see it every day in their work. it was the same kind of advice that got me through my time when i sought help and i went on to return the favour as a volunteer at a youth hostel later on. its going to be tough but it WILL get better. trust me. it might not seem possible but it does. better days are certainly ahead.

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There's not much to add except that we're all thinking of you.


Stay focused and treat the booze and chemicals with respect 'cause as soon as you turn your back on them, they'll bite you in the arse, big time!


Just do the simple things right and you'll come through with flying colours.


Keep us posted mate.

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harmonicchaos - keep posting bro - we need to know.




I'm still here. Holding up as good as can be expected.



What is that? Is it a speed bump?


Guitar lesson is today so that's cool. Don't have many things to look forward to but the lessons are definitely one of them.


Thanks again for all of the support.

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