TommyK Posted August 2, 2010 Share Posted August 2, 2010 How do you... How should I... I have a co-worker that has had a bout of cancer. She had a mastectomy and when she told me she was taking time off for the surgery, I commiserated and told her I would pray for her. Now that surgery is over, she from time to time stops by my office to discuss the details of her surgery and reconstruction. Quite honestly, as a male, I really am uncomfortable having these detailed discussions (one sided) with her. In a building staffed with more women than men, could she find some other woman to discuss this with? I mean.. if she wants to tell me the surgery went fine and what her prognosis is, I'm fine with that. I just don't want to listen to the re-construction details. Materials... sizes... :- Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
ksdaddy Posted August 2, 2010 Share Posted August 2, 2010 Maybe it's just her way of dealing with it and she knows you will listen. Sometimes we have to do things that are uncomfortable for the benefit of someone else. Let her vent. I wouldn't feel comfortable listening to the gory details either, but we just gotta do the right thing. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
deepblue Posted August 2, 2010 Share Posted August 2, 2010 How do you... How should I... I have a co-worker that has had a bout of cancer. She had a mastectomy and when she told me she was taking time off for the surgery' date=' I commiserated and told her I would pray for her. Now that surgery is over, she from time to time stops by my office to discuss the details of her surgery and reconstruction. Quite honestly, as a male, I really am uncomfortable having these detailed discussions (one sided) with her. In a building staffed with more women than men, could she find some other woman to discuss this with? I mean.. if she wants to tell me the surgery went fine and what her prognosis is, I'm fine with that. I just don't want to listen to the re-construction details. Materials... sizes... :- [/quote'] I cant believe this is a problem for you? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
G McBride Posted August 2, 2010 Share Posted August 2, 2010 There are some women that are more comfortable discussing some things with a male. I believe it is because we will not judge them as harshly as their female counterparts. I know that it may be uncomfortable to you but she must feel comfortable discussing this with you, so you need to give her your full attention and allow her to work through this. I understand how you feel because I have been through this before with women that have worked for me and with me in the past. Be a good listener is all that she needs. It is that fact that she is saying this out loud to another person that is helping her to deal with the highly emotional stress of this procedure. You are obviously a person that she has a lot of respect for. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Rewddawg1 Posted August 2, 2010 Share Posted August 2, 2010 How do you... How should I... I have a co-worker that has had a bout of cancer. She had a mastectomy and when she told me she was taking time off for the surgery' date=' I commiserated and told her I would pray for her. Now that surgery is over, she from time to time stops by my office to discuss the details of her surgery and reconstruction. Quite honestly, as a male, I really am uncomfortable having these detailed discussions (one sided) with her. In a building staffed with more women than men, could she find some other woman to discuss this with? I mean.. if she wants to tell me the surgery went fine and what her prognosis is, I'm fine with that. I just don't want to listen to the re-construction details. Materials... sizes... Tommy I think this more your problem with women and communicating with them than her talking about it. Rewd Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
LarryUK Posted August 2, 2010 Share Posted August 2, 2010 I talk to women all the time. I'll discuss anything. I think breast cancer gets far too much attention over other problems. What about testicular cancer? Just as bad but it doesn't 'look' good in the press. What about depression. The stress put upon the working classes causing it. In the UK next year the VAT rise will bring misery to millions of people. It'll deci mate the housing and retail markets and make the rich richer. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Californiaman Posted August 2, 2010 Share Posted August 2, 2010 Becasue you showed compassion and empath towards her, she trusts you. I'm sure she would respect your wishes to not continue with conversations that make you uncomfortable. Simply explain to her that it makes you uncomfortable. If she wants your advice give it once and tell her you're uncomfortable and lets move on. She'll understand. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
LarryUK Posted August 2, 2010 Share Posted August 2, 2010 Men here in the UK find it hard to show their femenine side. A man that can cry, listen to a woman and sympathise is more of a man than one that can't. Women like a man that can listen. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
TommyK Posted August 2, 2010 Author Share Posted August 2, 2010 Men here in the UK find it hard to show their femenine side. A man that can cry' date=' listen to a woman and sympathise is more of a man than one that can't.Women like a man that can listen. [/quote'] Yeah, but they don't respect a blubbering fool. Only the death of a spouse, parent, child or dog should elicit tears in a man. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Thundergod Posted August 2, 2010 Share Posted August 2, 2010 Becasue you showed compassion and empath towards her' date=' she trusts you.[/quote'] Nailed it. I think she just feels you care. Must be terrible for her, and maybe it's easier when/if she can share it with someone that cares. I'd listen to her and try to be nice about it. It's not like she can talk about the same thing for more than a year anyway. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
TommyK Posted August 2, 2010 Author Share Posted August 2, 2010 I suspect so. On top of it all she's recently divorced. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Thundergod Posted August 3, 2010 Share Posted August 3, 2010 Dude, she's giong through a lot. I'd try to be suportive of her, if she only needs you to listen, do it. It doesn't hurt to try and help those in need. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Artie Owl Posted August 3, 2010 Share Posted August 3, 2010 Man up bucko, your complaining more than she is and she's been through more by the sounds of it. Also, real men come in all types, not just stone faces. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
ShredAstaire Posted August 3, 2010 Share Posted August 3, 2010 Try to think about how uncomfortable she is....your anxiety should come down...she's dealing with way more than you...I say go with it and help her by being there and listening...that's all! Good luck bro! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
RichCI Posted August 3, 2010 Share Posted August 3, 2010 Maybe it's just her way of dealing with it and she knows you will listen. Sometimes we have to do things that are uncomfortable for the benefit of someone else. Let her vent. I wouldn't feel comfortable listening to the gory details either' date=' but we just gotta do the right thing.[/quote'] What KS said. You said that she only "sometimes" stops by so let her talk for a while as long as it's not holding up any work you have to do. You're a good man for listening. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
TommyK Posted August 3, 2010 Author Share Posted August 3, 2010 Yeah, I see what you mean. She came in today again. I was supportive and smiled and nodded a lot. I hope it does some good. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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