Lars68 Posted March 19, 2023 Share Posted March 19, 2023 (edited) Below is a song I wrote. True to form, it's a bit of a downer, but that is just what naturally comes out. It might not mean much, but I think it is one of the better songs I've written. It's a song about loneliness and longing for a change. Lars IF ONLY A MIRACLE From an open window facing the park I hear the laughter of children and the song of a lark I'm sitting here waiting for you In daydreams I'm forever blue If only a miracle would light my way Through the deep void where the shadows play Into your arms of love and a brighter day I miss you without knowing your face For a nameless stranger I'm searching a maze Of all my days god-given Yet another in lonely submission If only a miracle would light my way Through the deep void where the shadows play Into your arms of love and a brighter day This fortress of solitude is without defender The gates are wide open and I want to surrender To a power so warm and tender So why not risk a bridge too far? When on the far bank is where you are 'Cause insecurity and fears Are a boy's excuse and an old man's tears If only a miracle would light my way Through the deep void where the shadows play Into your arms of love and a brighter day Edited March 19, 2023 by Lars68 2 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
CAMELEYE Posted March 20, 2023 Share Posted March 20, 2023 Well done! Now I'm kinda sad. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
dhanners623 Posted March 21, 2023 Share Posted March 21, 2023 Fine job recording. I’m not sure I’m understanding the story, though. Is the protagonist looking for someone in particular or just anyone? I gather it is a song about loneliness. Your vocal delivery helps with that. Thanks for sharing it! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Lars68 Posted March 21, 2023 Author Share Posted March 21, 2023 Thanks for listening, guys! I did warn you about the subject matter 😜 As for the question regarding who the ”you” is that protagonist is longing for, a specific person or someone yet unknown, I intentionally want to keep it sort of vague and open. However, these lines would hint at the latter. I miss you without knowing your face For a nameless stranger I'm searching a maze Lars Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Murph Posted March 21, 2023 Share Posted March 21, 2023 I think it's well written. 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
MissouriPicker Posted March 21, 2023 Share Posted March 21, 2023 3 hours ago, Murph said: I think it's well written. Same here……To me it’s someone longing for a love they haven’t had. They’re not missing someone who has left. They’re missing someone who has never been there. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Lars68 Posted March 21, 2023 Author Share Posted March 21, 2023 (edited) 50 minutes ago, MissouriPicker said: Same here……To me it’s someone longing for a love they haven’t had. They’re not missing someone who has left. They’re missing someone who has never been there. Thanks Murph and MP, the above was exaxtly my intention with the lyrics, but I wanted to leave the door open for other interpretations too. The song is autobiographical, except the ”window facing the park” was actually a door 😂 It is about a rough time in my life, more than twenty years ago, and the lines all have very specific meaning to me, but I don't want to go into details. A song can be specific, but it won't work unless it can at the same time be universal. Lars Edited March 21, 2023 by Lars68 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Murph Posted March 21, 2023 Share Posted March 21, 2023 33 minutes ago, Lars68 said: A song can be specific, but it won't work unless it can at the same time be universal. Truth told, there, Grasshopper... 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Larsongs Posted March 23, 2023 Share Posted March 23, 2023 On 3/21/2023 at 10:36 AM, Murph said: Truth told, there, Grasshopper... Indeed….. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
E-minor7 Posted March 24, 2023 Share Posted March 24, 2023 Well, , , first HEPS for the courage to post these creations. Second - it surprises me you still sing seriously out of tune. Through a set of conventional lenses it is a disaster. On the other hand, what do I know. During the recent International Women's Day I saw a band on the telly where the female lead-singer was significantly out of pitch. Some weeks before I ran into a prime time TV-show-clip with the former Six Pestols guy delivering a song for his girlfriend - approximately off 20 percent of the 3 minutes it took. In other words, this is a new era I don't fully understand. Blame it on no one, it's just how it is. . You have found a niche with a good and original expression and that counts. 👍 How it's received out on the other side of your cans is up to the individual listener. Some will cringe - others will get it - others again will say "AHA, , , that's something else. ." As you know, I for my part like the artistic aura of your stuff. Perhaps most of all the whole atmosphere and (sur)reality around it. . Keep folking Herr Lars 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Lars68 Posted March 24, 2023 Author Share Posted March 24, 2023 Em7, I appreciate the feedback as always! To be honest, I'm surprised to hear my singing on this song was such a disaster. However, I have more faith in your ears than mine, so I will just have to accept it, no matter how discouraging it is. Luckily I have no plans to quit my day job any time soon. I'm going to keep writing and recording my songs for anyone who cares to listen, and hope that just maybe one day there are enough strengths to outweigh the shortcomings, which I suspect I will always have to live with. Lars Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
dhanners623 Posted March 24, 2023 Share Posted March 24, 2023 A singer can be forgiven for a wrong note, but not for an insincere note. Lars’ stuff is sincere. Music is filled with imperfect singers. Johnny Cash. Townes Van Zandt. Lucinda Williams. Gram Parsons. The list goes on. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
AnneS Posted March 24, 2023 Share Posted March 24, 2023 I enjoyed the song, Lars—love your playing and really enjoy the immediacy you capture with your recording technique. Nicely done. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
E-minor7 Posted March 24, 2023 Share Posted March 24, 2023 3 hours ago, Lars68 said: Em7, I appreciate the feedback as always! To be honest, I'm surprised to hear my singing on this song was such a disaster. Hi L - the thing is that you have chosen a difficult way to compose the tunes. It's one where you bend your way through the song'n'melody instead of arranging it note by note like square bricks. This style makes it extremely hard the measure where you are pitch-wise as the tune constantly dives or rises around another corner and curve. It may be too complicated to explain and I'm not out to cast shadows on your weekend, but now cat is out of the bag and I stand by these comments. Would like to underline that this expression creates an atmosphere, which often serves the songs'n'themes well. I'm still certain you will improve - but your songwriting will too, , , so there is a danger the gab will be parallel-moved forward for some time. . Keep us posted - these and several other's ears will follow & listen Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Lars68 Posted March 25, 2023 Author Share Posted March 25, 2023 (edited) Thanks eveyone for commenting and listening, and Em7, I think I get what your are saying. If you don't mind, I'd like to derail my own thread by asking opinions of the vocals in the song below. I'm not trying to be a smarty pants, honestly I'm not. It would be very interesting to hear your thoughts. The artists is the most popular Swedish artist in the past 15 years, and I think he writes wonderful lyrics and melodies, but the singing, I don't know. However, there is something special about his expression that goes beyond conventional logic of ”good” vocals. If his voice was by normal standards, I'm not sure the music would be as moving. Strange, but that's how I hear it. Thoughts? By the way, the title of the track translates to ”By the Fence of the Prosthetics Factory.” Brilliant, huh? 😂 Edited March 25, 2023 by Lars68 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
dhanners623 Posted March 25, 2023 Share Posted March 25, 2023 The guy’s voice sounds ok to me, but I don’t understand Swedish so I’m not sure how much (if anything) is lost. The thing I wonder is why he spent a full minute on the intro…. Talking about — or criticizing — a singer’s vocal “quality” is pretty much pointless. You sing with the voice you have. You either get the point of the song across or you don’t. Tom Waits has a voice like wet-or-dry sandpaper soaked in bourbon, but nobody complains because he tells great stories. Hell, Johnny Cash spoke off-key, but nobody could imagine his songs sounding any “better.” His songs anre instantly recognizable. In fact, my first cognizant memory of music is Cash’s voice coming over the car radio. Yes, there are ways to improve what you have. If you’re concerned about the vocals, take a lesson or two from a vocal coach. It’s a question of putting the talents you have to their best use and you could probably pick up some important tips in just a couple of sessions. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
E-minor7 Posted March 25, 2023 Share Posted March 25, 2023 55 minutes ago, Lars68 said: If you don't mind, I'd like to derail my own thread by asking opinions of the vocals in the song below. Wow - enjoyed that song, , , and the young man not only sounds good, he's in tune. But this isn't uncomplicated. Paul Simon fx is known to hold pitch pretty well, isn't he. But even a master like him has (relative) issues. I think he revealed that he naturally sings in the lower end of the note when really nerding into it. That means he hits it well, but as there of course still is a way up and a way down out of that particular note, he tends to lay low. The thing that up'n'down happens all the time when goin' through a song. Also in your case. You are like Simon and the Swedish youngster, whoever, constantly on you way somewhere else and it's f..... difficult. My advice is ot sing along - a lot ! Pick the song above, Johansson's Pippi Longstocking, tunes far beyond your level and everything else. Sing along and see if your ears can measure the differences (right'n'wrongs) here and there. Maybe find a coach who could mark when you derail. Just for a session or 2. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
E-minor7 Posted March 25, 2023 Share Posted March 25, 2023 12 minutes ago, dhanners623 said: Talking about — or criticizing — a singer’s vocal “quality” is pretty much pointless. You sing with the voice you have. You either get the point of the song across or you don’t. Tom Waits has a voice like wet-or-dry sandpaper soaked in bourbon, , , , Well, well, , , , it's like biking. You have to learn to balance before we can talk driving. Then the next level is behaviour, respect for rules, , , style too, though that is private thus sacred. T. Waits is a top-tuned musical hyper talent who has so much raw cargo offer that he can do (almost) anything with it. Like a master-painter choosing to work up beautifully grim aesthetics. He id as far from our good and appreciated L as possible. The Swedish intro = Could it be that the artists behind it like music and aren't folk purists. . Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
dhanners623 Posted March 25, 2023 Share Posted March 25, 2023 Yes, you have to be a folk purist and hate music to believe an intro that takes up a full minute of a 3:28 song is maybe padding a bit…. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
E-minor7 Posted March 25, 2023 Share Posted March 25, 2023 26 minutes ago, dhanners623 said: Yes, you have to be a folk purist and hate music to believe an intro that takes up a full minute of a 3:28 song is maybe padding a bit…. I hear your irony and it's welcome. Yet the theory sounds rather plausible, doesn't it. We must assume the artist liked this entry. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
QuestionMark Posted March 30, 2023 Share Posted March 30, 2023 Lars-I am going to go out in a limb here. I do not think you are out of vocal pitch. What I think is actually happening is you composed a very intricate melody but are trying to fit the intricate melody into basic guitar chord shapes rather than an intricate music score of notes and orchestration on your guitar. There are some really cool notes that musically you are singing, but trying to fit them into one size fits all chord shapes. This is a common problem for intuitively melodic composers who are simply not yet able to match the melody in their guitar playing journey yet. Keep at advancing your guitar playing to accompany those intricate/complex melodies you can compose. It’s a life’s work. An alternate is of course to simplify a melody in the meantime. But, still meanwhile keep also working on accompanying the real melody you hear in your head on to your guitar. Do not get discouraged. You compose some great stuff, even if your accompaniment doesn’t yet match the melody. Just my music perspective. QM aka “Jazzman” Jeff Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Lars68 Posted March 31, 2023 Author Share Posted March 31, 2023 QM, thanks for a very interesting perspective. I have been working on the song vocals the last couple of days. In doing so, I have updated the Soundcloud track when I have something that might be improved. So hopefully you heard an improved version of the original track. Very likely the first track had out of tune vocals. I just updated this morning with a third version, before seeing your reply. I see it as good ear training doing new vocal takes and comparing them to older ones. Are you saying that if I played my vocal track solo with no music, the vocals might be in tune with themselves, but when the chords are added on top, it sounds off? I have no idea if my melodies are intricate or somehow weird. It’s just what I hear in my head 🤪 Lars Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
QuestionMark Posted March 31, 2023 Share Posted March 31, 2023 13 hours ago, Lars68 said: Are you saying that if I played my vocal track solo with no music, the vocals might be in tune with themselves, but when the chords are added on top, it sounds off? I have no idea if my melodies are intricate or somehow weird. It’s just what I hear in my head 🤪 Lars Yes, it’s possible. QM aka “Jazzman” Jeff Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
MissouriPicker Posted April 2, 2023 Share Posted April 2, 2023 Lars, all of these comments in this thread are well-intended. I believe you know that……. The way I look at this is that you are telling us a story. A “slice of life” from perhaps your own life, but which is also a story many of us have lived to one degree or another. For me, the main thing is that you make a human connection with others. Cash and Dylan. Not great voices (and often being a little off-key) compared to the vast majority of pros, BUT, they certainly connected with hundreds of millions.. Their success was/is greatly do to the humanity that comes through in the music. ……Very few are great singers like Dean Martin, Frank Sinatra, K.D. Lang, and so many others. I’ve always heard that Sinatra deliberately sang off-key a little bit, just to add interest to the song. Anyways, as every one of us is saying, keep playing and writing. you have found your niche. ……I still think you need to get out to a coffeehouse and play your gentle music….Keep it going, buddy! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Lars68 Posted April 2, 2023 Author Share Posted April 2, 2023 MP, thank you for those very encouraging words. I have been coming to this forum with my music for around five years or so now. In the beginning there were some mean and bad spirited comments from a few members not posting here anymore, but apart from that everything has always been friendly and supportive. I have learned a lot! For example, had Em7 not posted his comments about my vocals being out of pitch, I probably would have gone on happily thinking my vocals were adequate. Now instead I was motivated to fix the issues and have re-recorded about 75% of the vocals compared to the original track. So anyone listening to my track above will now hear a much better, although far from perfect, version of the song. That's why this forum is great! Thanks everyone. Lars Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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