Mr. Natural

I've got one of those, too. They're great.

1951. I'm 69 years old, but I think I look and feel like a man twice my age. Excuse me, I meant to say like a man HALF my age....

Thelonious Himself - Thelonious Monk

My girlfriend accused me of having zero empathy. I just don't understand how she can feel that way.

A baby harp seal walks into a bar.] The bartender says, "What can I get you?" The baby harp seal says, "Anything but a Canadian Club."

Speaking of changing light bulbs and doctors ... How many pre-med students does it take to change a light bulb? Three. One to change the bulb and two to pull the chair out from underneath him. (You may substitute pre-law for pre-med as the situation requires.)

Well, it's getting kind of late. I'm going to log off, shut down, and go to bed. I'll sleep good tonight. In fact, I always sleep good. I'm so good at sleeping, I can do it with my eyes closed. Good night all.

Why don't blind people sky dive? It scares the $h!t out of their dogs.

Rodney Dangerfield... My wife told me she wanted to have sex in the back seat of the car. She wanted me to drive.

As Rodney King once said, "Can't we all just get along?"

My wife told me to stop acting like a flamingo. I had to put my foot down. I told my wife she drew her eyebrows too high. She seemed surprised. The other day, my wife asked me to pass her lipstick, but I accidentally passed her a glue stick. She still isn't talking to me.

When I was in high school I had a '60 Austin Healey 3000. It was the coolest car I ever owned. I had an MGB for about 10 years. It was in the shop for about 8 years. I love the way those old British sports cars smell. I voted for the Aston Martin. I'm surprised the Magnum Ferrari didn't do any better. Why was the '74 Dodge Monaco BLUESMOBILE not an offered candidate?

Beauty!

Happy Birthday, Junior.

Beauty.