ksdaddy Posted January 9, 2015 Share Posted January 9, 2015 I grew up not far from a family who had an old run down farm. I'm not sure I ever knew them to actively farm. Maybe before I came along. The kids were NOT trouble but my mother was just uppity enough to not want me to associate with them, as they were supposedly white trash. I didn't see it that way; kids seldom do. One kid was 10 days younger than me but was a couple grades behind. I never knew him to be academically slow; maybe he was, I don't know. He may have been gruff, lippy, and mischievous but I never knew him to be 'trouble'. We were friends to a degree. We rode the bus together, smoked out behind the barn, shot BB guns, that type of stuff. One night in '75 my parents were out of town so a bunch of us congregated at my house. There was me, Mark (the subject matter of this post), John, a strange kid who would fit in with "Dumb and Dumber" who has since died, presumably from drugs, and Alex, who was crushed to death by a 1957 Volkswagen in 1980. We sat around sniffing gasoline. My kitchen cupboards turned from white to purple. Mark was messing with my Sony reel to reel with the echo chamber, clanking glasses with various amounts of water with a spoon and letting it echo, banging the spoon on an old floor model tv to sound like footsteps and screaming "they're coming to get you John!" into the microphone.... (echo echo echo....). I still have the tv and it still has the spoon dents. I blacked out and when I came to we had driven my father's pickup about 2 miles up the road and I stopped to pee. I recall little. I think that was the same weekend Alex sold me a nickel plated 38 snub nose for $20. Just an example of my misspent youth and typical of whatever level of friendship we had. Mark never had anything. Probably never a job either. He would give you half of whatever he had any day of the week though. He was a GOOD person who just never amounted to anything. Once he spent a good part of the winter huddled into a neighbor's well house because it was heated with a light bulb. They found him and "evicted" him. A few years ago he was struck by a car downtown. Not sure whatever became of that incident. Last fall he called me right out of the blue. I hadn't spoken to him since the mid 80s. I knew he sounded awful He was weak and his voice was gravelly. He was calling from a hospital in New Hampshire. We chatted a half hour or so. A couple days ago his sister messaged me through facebook that he passed away from cancer. I will help with his cremation expenses and I've messaged his sister to find out where she plans to scatter the ashes. If there's no place in mind, maybe I can take over and scatter him on our old stomping grounds somewhere. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Searcy Posted January 9, 2015 Share Posted January 9, 2015 Not every good man changes the world. Some just ad to the story of our lives. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Kaiser Bill Posted January 9, 2015 Share Posted January 9, 2015 I'm so sorry for your loss. You are a good man to help defray expenses. Sadly I've been in your shoes, and can identify with your plight. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
RevDavidLee Posted January 9, 2015 Share Posted January 9, 2015 It seems like everyone I know, including myself - knew someone like your childhood friend. Life is not always fair to everyone & it is a sad read about your friend. Your last conversation reminded me of a friend of mine who called me back when we were in our mid-twenties. Nothing unusual about the conversation. He just called to see how I was doing. At the end of the call he just said "take care of yourself Dave" and that was that. The next morning his wife called me & told me he had committed suicide by starting his car up in his garage & running a hose from the exhaust to the drivers side window, In retrospect I understood he had called me just to say goodbye basically before he ended his life. Not comparing our stories in regards to the way your friend died versus my friend killing himself - but in that they both called to say goodbye & that they cared enough about their friendship with us to reach out & call. I went through quite a period of time wishing he had just told me what he was planning to do so I could have at least tried to tell him things would get better & to just hang on. He had no known health problems like your friend, he was just depressed and grew tired of living. My thoughts are with you as you remember your friend & childhood days. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
RevDavidLee Posted January 9, 2015 Share Posted January 9, 2015 As a post script - my friend was his Mothers only child. It literally made her mental the rest of her life. There was a period of time we were angry at him for being so selfish & doing that to his Mom. But after a time all we could do was wonder why he was so depressed. The one thing he gave all of us was the resolve that we would never commit suicide no matter how bad things got because of how it would devastate our family & friends. So in that regard - he probably saved us all. Peace out. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
kidblast Posted January 9, 2015 Share Posted January 9, 2015 That was a sad "tale of one's life" to be sure. I often wonder, how things in life for me would have changed, based on one decision or another at one point. Living in a well house during winter, with a light bulb for heat,, I can't even imagine, sounds like this guy just never got "the chance" a lot of us were given. Sad... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
bobouz Posted January 9, 2015 Share Posted January 9, 2015 On the flip side: My niece was born with a severe case of CP. She has no use of her arms or legs, and her speech is very difficult to understand. She has normal intelligence, but is trapped in a body that doesn't work. With any opportunity presented to her, she has taken advantage of it. She has graduated from college, and now teaches children in elementary and high school how to use communication devices and counsels them on how to navigate through life with their disabilities. I'll be 64 this summer and have seen many unfortunate things, but she inspires me on a regular basis. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
ksdaddy Posted January 9, 2015 Author Share Posted January 9, 2015 In elementary school, I must have been in the 4th grade so he would have been in the 2nd or 3rd.... we had a get together in the gym... might have been Christmas, might have been the end of the school year. We all got up in turn with our classes and sang, as we all did, but then as a 'special' offering, Mark got up and sang "Born Free" a capella. This was just unheard of. Us guys were shocked and appalled that another guy would bare himself to sing solo in front of the whole school like that. And here am I, petrified that someone will hear me strum. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
kidblast Posted January 9, 2015 Share Posted January 9, 2015 I often wonder, how things in life for me would have changed, based on one decision or another at one point. Living in a well house during winter, with a light bulb for heat,, I can't even imagine, sounds like this guy just never got "the chance" a lot of us were given. Sad... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest Farnsbarns Posted January 9, 2015 Share Posted January 9, 2015 A very sad story KS. Good for you for helping out. @RevDavidLee... When I was 19 I decided on some tough love for my childhood best friend. He had been an addict since his early teens. He was one of those people, it didn't matter what it was, he was just addicted to getting out of his mind. Even inhaling butane right out of the can, risking freezing his lungs. He turned to theft to fund his need and had stolen from me. I quite cconsciously fell out with him in an effort to help him. One day he called, wanting to patch things up. I told him to call again when he had my money to return to me. He hung himself. The policeman I spoke to said that in 40 years he had never seen a case where a strangulation hanging suicide (no broken neck) had obviously made no struggle, no attempt to climb the rope. There hasn't been a day in my life since that I haven't thought about him in some way. RIP Adam! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
ksdaddy Posted January 9, 2015 Author Share Posted January 9, 2015 ...he had never seen a case where a strangulation hanging suicide (no broken neck) had obviously made no struggle, no attempt to climb the rope. That's horrible. I had one friend kill himself back in '93. We were best friends in junior high and drifted apart when we got to high school and he ended up in the French Club and drove a Mustang....and I didn't. I never got the whole story until a couple weeks ago when a mutual friend told all. In a nutshell he was military right out of high school, was lost once he got out, re-enlisted for a while, got out, and then he was like the guy in Shawshank Redemption that hung himself because he couldn't deal with being on the outside. Except he did it out by the dumpster with a handgun under the chin. Sorry to be a bummer, guys, I'm not trying to shred anyone's Friday. I find it cathartic and makes me appreciate stuff. We all should. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest Farnsbarns Posted January 9, 2015 Share Posted January 9, 2015 That's horrible. Yeah, sorry. That was a bit if a downer wasn't it. Perhaps I should have missed that detail out. I wish I didn't know it tbh. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
ksdaddy Posted January 9, 2015 Author Share Posted January 9, 2015 No, actually it's good to know! In one strange sense (leave it to me to FIND it), someone contemplating hanging might back out if they knew how many people have second thoughts if it's not 'quick'. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
milod Posted January 9, 2015 Share Posted January 9, 2015 I think the older one gets, regardless of earlier experiences with people, one simply has a changing perspective where one may seek to continue to "achieve" whatever, but also that one recognizes that's for oneself rather than to "be" something to the rest of the world. The Marks in this world are not uncommon. I think it's not so much a matter of not having an opportunity as much as not particularly seeing it as anything much of value. I and many more of us have had "chances" to make more money - sometimes a lot more - and have turned them down because what was offered wasn't seen as of value to their own value system. More unfortunate obviously are those who feel their lives have been in vain and counter to their own principles; or those whose minds for organic or experience reasons simply can't understand how things might be better regardless of choices. One might suggest "help" and yet, one might also wonder the degree to which "help" simply numbs further what might already be numb. I dunno. I think ending one's own life isn't always as sad as others might see it; and an apparently empty life to some of us might be simply what another might consider the only one sought. Again, I dunno. Others feel hurt more by life than they believe they can handle and respond in ways another might consider damaging. That's not just suicide. I know of one Nam vet whose job as a late teen soldier was to bag bodies to prepare them for the journey home. He's still alive a few years younger than I am, but cared for little beyond basic needs of basic survival - not even booze or drugs, simply being at that lowest survival level. I'm not inside his head, so... who knows what visions of the world might be seen and how they might be interpreted? I certainly do not. It's an interesting few moments we spend of the awareness we call life; it's different for each of us. But I think KS speaks more to offering a bit of help when it seems of meaning to him, if not to others. At times the "tough love" approach unfortunately seems the more appropriate. At times a hand up with hopes it will really help. At other times simply a recognition of common humanity. Oddly I've been both the caller and the called at times when I learned later would be the last contact with the other within a few days. Don't ask me why I felt I should call at those times, or exactly why at the other times the one called me. I simply haven't a clue, nor am I convinced of any greater meaning than that our lives touched a while that somehow mattered. m Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Mr. Gibson Posted January 9, 2015 Share Posted January 9, 2015 . Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
RevDavidLee Posted January 9, 2015 Share Posted January 9, 2015 If nothing else - I want everyone on this forum to know that if you're at wits end - reach out. I'm guessing that I speak for most of us when I say that we have all been down to a point where we thought life just wasn't worth it anymore (me when my brother died from a brain aneurysm back in 2005) and please know that you're important to us. Life is precious - even when it's at its hardest. If you need to chat - PM me. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
4Hayden Posted January 9, 2015 Share Posted January 9, 2015 If we knew then what we know now things could have changed , glad you helped him out in the end 4H Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Markini Posted January 9, 2015 Share Posted January 9, 2015 Try to keep it brief. I have friend age 60 at the moment. No money problems, excellent health, non smoker, non drinker, no drug use prescription or street. Superb guitar player and humble as pie. Star athlete in high school. Voted 'best looking' by the girls his senior year. Had loving and still has a loving family, strong existing support structure. Surfer dude, bow hunter a Man's man. Converses well is very friendly not an ounce of smug in his body. At 60 he still has the looks and the athletic stature, he is very fit and woman young and old are attracted to him like iron filings to a magnet. But this man is very depressed. he is getting better, but he knows he is depressed, I know he is and so does his family, he does talk about if it is brought up, and doesn't shy away. He has gone to a minimalist life style. Lives in a nice home in the country, but everything he owns can be packed up into his car and moved, including guitars. He just doesn't like living in or near big cities. City life stops him in his tracks, and it really depresses him so badly he has had medical help. And after probably many, many flings in life he has grown tired of the opposite sex. Especially the ones that were clingers. Of course he is still attracted to women but wants no relationship period. He was arm candy for a NY lawyer in recent years and wants nothing to with her. But she finds him eventually. Depressing. He just doesn't trust people anymore and hates negativity. Bottom line even though he has his macho masculine mask on. He is a very sensitive soul. Especially to animals. Wouldn't stop him from putting a suffering animal down, but he has so much empathy it wounds him deeply. He has guts too. One year ago when he was my neighbor here in Redondo beach, he heard a commotion out in the street. he dashed out of the house and there was an old man down on the ground with this little dog in his arms trying to stave off this massive thoroughly agitated lab (doby?) mix. My neighbor the one in depression, didn't hesitate a second and pulled the big lab mix off the old man, the turned on him and he kicked the dog in the ribs and it ran off to its owner. Apparently the owner a young lady couldn't hold her aggressive dog off of the old man's dog. EMT, police came etc.. My friend was considered a hero and got a small letter to the editor write up by the old man. The guy is brave, but quiet. Back in the country he is not so depressed or anxious. He is the most sensitive person I have ever known and hides it very well. I forgot to add he has been taking lessons and been dedicated to the guitar since age 15. He is very humble and can probably jam with just about anybody beginner or expert. I think he has been depressed all his life and playing music is therapeutic. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
jdgm Posted January 9, 2015 Share Posted January 9, 2015 And here am I, petrified that someone will hear me strum. For goodness sake. I don't believe this. How much time does anybody have? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
milod Posted January 9, 2015 Share Posted January 9, 2015 markini... It's surprising to some, but traditionally small towns all around the country, as far as I can tell, have had such as your friend. Given increases in all sorts of costs, it's more difficult than a few decades ago, but... you see the guy on the street once a week or so, maybe. Friendly enough. Does his or her own thing. Maybe has a bar he or she goes to and they know him or her a bit. Or a greasy spoon. May or may not keep the yard of a village home neat, but usually decent maintenance. Seldom seen otherwise. Out here it's not infrequently the small town, far or ranch kid who went to the city, found varying degrees of success impossible at home; when it became too much, living on as little as possible "back home" or a similar place where folks would be too polite to ask much. I wonder on some I've known the degree to which "depression" isn't as much "disillusioned" that was part of the depression. But then I'm in front of those eyes and not behind them. Frankly I'm surprised there aren't more of "us" in that situation. I have no idea of those who couldn't have the knowledge or wherewithall to escape the populations that bring discomfort. There certainly ain't even a Green Frog Cafe for 'em, I'll wager. m Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
milod Posted January 9, 2015 Share Posted January 9, 2015 JDGM You asked: "For goodness sake. I don't believe this. How much time does anybody have?" Simply moments... These our actors, As I foretold you, were all spirits and Are melted into air, into thin air: And, like the baseless fabric of this vision, The cloud-capp'd towers, the gorgeous palaces, The solemn temples, the great globe itself, Ye all which it inherit, shall dissolve And, like this insubstantial pageant faded, Leave not a rack behind. We are such stuff As dreams are made on, and our little life Is rounded with a sleep. Sir, I am vex'd; Bear with my weakness; my, brain is troubled: Be not disturb'd with my infirmity: If you be pleased, retire into my cell And there repose: a turn or two I'll walk, To still my beating mind. m Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Gaolee Posted January 9, 2015 Share Posted January 9, 2015 People go at strange times. A college friend of mine was murdered as a newlywed, by her new husband for the insurance money. She was a tough chick from Brooklyn, so none of us ever understood how that could happen. My best friend checked out on LSD right after college and never came back. A couple guys I knew in high school and college killed themselves. My high school had a graduating class of 42, so it's not like I didn't know them pretty well. Depression got them. A neighbor blew the top of his head off with a shotgun a few years ago. Depression got him, too. It's a bit of a list, I suppose, and there's really not much point to it except there's not much you can do about it. Each one leaves a scar, but the scars heal over in time. There's no way to understand it. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
jdgm Posted January 9, 2015 Share Posted January 9, 2015 Thankyou Milod. Yes. "The Tempest". That's beautiful isn't it? The older I get the less I understand how 'he' - or 'they' - could write like that. @Gaolee: I knew 2 or 3 like that with the LSD. And harder stuff. I never quite understood. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Markini Posted January 9, 2015 Share Posted January 9, 2015 I take long walks occasionally to steady the busy mind. Sometimes I forget to put my mask back on too and that really pisses people off! All is well Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
milod Posted January 9, 2015 Share Posted January 9, 2015 jd... Yup... And it sounds much better than this... In this last of meeting places We grope together And avoid speech Gathered on this beach of the tumid river m Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Recommended Posts
Archived
This topic is now archived and is closed to further replies.