A cute joke

[dleth]

This lady goes to her vet with her pet schnauzer because it is having some problems with its ears. The vet says no problem, go to the pharmacy and get some "Nair" hair removal product.

So the lady goes to the pharmacy and can't find it so goes to the pharmacist and asks for it. The pharmacist, wanting to share some wisdom suggests that if it is for her underarms, she shouldn't shave for a week. It isn't for my underarms she says. Oh, then if it for your legs, don't wear pantyhose. It isn't for my legs she says. Its for my schnauzer. Oh, says the pharmacist. In that case, don't ride your bike for a week.

 

Dave

[dleth]

Ok, I get it. No jokes.

Is that an unwritten rule?

Or was it just not that funny? I had a good chuckle and so did the girls at work>

Please advise.

[LarryUK]

Paddy says to Mick that he's thinking of getting a Labrador. Mick says ' I wouldn't get one of those. Have you seen how many of their owners go blind!'

[dleth]

Good one.

Gave me a little chuckle first thing this morning.

Way to go Lashurst.

 

Dave

[Bowdiddley]

I thought it was funny dleth!

[DanvillRob]

Teenager goes to the drug store to by condoms..... he's embarassed a little, so he finally asks the druggist how much for a box of condoms. He replies, "Three dollars plus tax", the kid says, "Dang.... I thought they stayed on by themselves!"

[deepblue]

Ok, ill admit it...I chuckled! lol

[Big Bill]

What's so funny about that? Those tacks can hurt!

[dleth]

This fellow is having difficulty with his horse and figures it is a psychological issue so calls a psychiatrist to do a house call.

The psychiatrist gives the horse a once over and asks him " So whats with the long face" (groan)

[badbluesplayer]

Guy goes for his first parachute jump. He jumps out of the plane and the parachute won't open. He tries the emergency chute and that won't open either.

 

So he's falling and he notices some guy passing him going upward. He says to the guy "Hey, do you know anything about parachutes?" The guys answers "No, do you know anything about gas grilles?"

 

[DanvillRob]

This fellow is having difficulty with his horse and figures it is a psychological issue so calls a psychiatrist to do a house call.

The psychiatrist gives the horse a once over and asks him " So whats with the long face" (groan)

 

 

Reminds me of the story about the guy who was so upset with the price of gas he bought a horse to ride to work. He rode it every day for a week, and took it back to the guy he bought it from.

 

He said, "There's something wrong with this horse's butt hole".

The guy walks around back and lifts the tail, and doesn't see anything wrong with the horses butt hole.

He asks the guy, "What makes you think there's something wrong with this horse's butt hole?"

Guy says, "Well every day when I ride him to work, dozens of people point to us and say 'Look at that butt hole on the horse!"

[Big Bill]

Reminds me of the story about the guy who was so upset with the price of gas he bought a horse to ride to work. He rode it every day for a week' date=' and took it back to the guy he bought it from.

 

He said, "There's something wrong with this horse's butt hole".

The guy walks around back and lifts the tail, and doesn't see anything wrong with the horses butt hole.

He asks the guy, "What makes you think there's something wrong with this horse's butt hole?"

Guy says, "Well every day when I ride him to work, dozens of people point to us and say 'Look at that butt hole on the horse!"[/quote']

 

 

I've been hearing that too, so that's why I couldn't find the butt hole on my Chrysler.

[albertjohn]

One day a guy died and found himself in hell. As he was wallowing in

despair, he had his first meeting with a demon.

 

The demon asked, "Why so glum?"

 

The guy responded, "What do you think? I'm in hell!"

 

"Hell's not so bad," the demon said. "We actually have a lot of fun

down here. You a drinking man?"

 

"Sure," the man said, "I love to drink."

 

"Well, you're gonna love Mondays then. On Mondays all we do is drink.

Whiskey, tequila, Guinness, wine coolers, diet Tab and Fresca. We

drink till we throw up and then we drink some more!"

 

The guy is astounded. "Damn, that sounds great."

 

"You a smoker?" the demon asked.

 

"You better believe it!"

 

"You're gonna love Tuesdays. We get the finest cigars from all over

the world and smoke our lungs out! . If you get cancer, no biggie.

You're already dead, remember?"

 

"Wow, the guy said, "that's awesome!"

 

The demon continued. "I bet you like to gamble."

 

"Why yes, as a matter of fact I do."

 

"Wednesdays you can gamble all you want. Craps, blackjack,

roulette, poker, slots, whatever. If you go bankrupt, well, you're

dead anyhow.

You into drugs?"

 

The guy said, "Are you kidding? I love drugs! You don't mean . . .."

 

"That's right! Thursday is drug day. Help yourself to a great big

bowl of crack, or smack. Smoke a doobie the size of a submarine. You

can do all the drugs you want, you're dead, who cares!"

 

"Wow," the guy said, starting to feel better about his situation,

"I never realized Hell was such a cool place!"

 

The demon said, "You gay?"

 

"No."

 

"Ooooh, you're gonna hate Fridays!"

[Bowdiddley]

A young blonde woman is distraught because she fears her husband is

having an affair, so she goes to a gun shop and buys a handgun. The

next day she comes home to find her husband in bed with a beautiful

redhead. She grabs the gun and holds it to her own head. The husband

jumps out of bed, begging and pleading with her not to shoot herself.

Hysterically the blonde responds to the husband, "shut up...you're

next!"

[LarryUK]

Wife comes out of bathroom at bedtime. All dressed up in sexy nightware. Says to husband 'Tonight I'm going to make you the happiest man alive'. 'Don't be stupid!' says the husband. 'Who'll help you pack at this time of night'!

[LarryUK]

Man says to wife 'tell me something that will make me happy and sad at the same time'.

Wife says'your willy's bigger than your brother's'.

[LarryUK]

Wife looking in the mirror, says to husband 'I feel fat and ugly, pay me a compliment'.

Husband replies. 'your eyesight's spot on'.

[dleth]

This beautiful woman is driving down a country road and has to come to a stop because there about 100 sheep crossing. She finds them all really cute and asks the farmer "if I can guess how many sheep you have, can I keep one?" Knowing it is pretty unlikely that she can nail the number, he says why not. She thinks for a second or two and blurts out 107. Quite surprised, the farmer says a deal is a deal. Go ahead and choose one. She spends the next 15 minutes looking them all over and comes back with her pick. The farmer says, ok now its my turn. If I can guess your true hair color, can I have my dog back?

[stevef]

Three Women on Mexico Trip

 

Three women go down to Mexico one night to celebrate college graduation,

get drunk, and wake up in jail, only to find that they are to be executed

in the morning, though none of them can remember what they did the night

before.

 

The first one, a redhead, is strapped in the electric chair and is asked

if she has any last words. She says, I just graduated from Trinity Bible

College and believe in the almighty power of God to intervene on the

behalf of the innocent. They throw the switch and nothing happens. They

all immediately fall to the floor on their knees, beg for forgiveness,

and release her.

 

The second one, a brunette, is strapped in and gives her last words. I

just graduated from the Harvard School of Law and I believe in the power

of justice to intervene on the part of the innocent. They throw the

switch and again, nothing happens. Again they all immediately fall to

their knees, beg for forgiveness and release her.

 

The last one (you knew it!), a blonde, is strapped in and says, "Well,

I'm from the Ohio State University and just graduated with a degree in

Electrical Engineering, and I'll tell ya right now, ya'll ain't gonna

electrocute nobody if you don't plug this thing in!"

[Notes_Norton]

Did you hear about the blind prostitute?

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You've really got to hand it to her.

[saturn]

A mother tomatato and her children are walking along and the smallest tomato keep falling behind. The mother goes back and smacks the slow-poke and says "catchup"!

[TommyK]

Woman shopper in a department store goes up to the young man in a suit and name badge.

 

She strokes his cheek and says, "Excuse me, handsome, are you the manager?"

 

"W-w-w-why no ma'am," replied the clerk.

 

She runs her fingers through his hair and replies, "Could you, you big strong handsome man, give the manager a message."

 

"Why su-s-s-certainly."

 

She then draws her finger down the center of his forehead, down the bridge of his nose, "Would you tell him the ladies room is all out of toilet paper AND soap?"