TWANG Posted December 19, 2008 Share Posted December 19, 2008 so these two blondes go to work for habitat for humanity.. building houses. and one blonde notices the other one pulling a nail from her pouch and throwing it away.. then pulling out another nail and pounding it in. It seems she's throwing away about 50% of the nails. so she says to the other blonde. hey, why are you throwing half your nails away? and the other blonde says, well, I take one out and about half the time the head is on the wrong end, so I just get another one. and the first blonde says, you idiot, those aren't defective nails, those are for the other side of the house! TWANG Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
TWANG Posted December 19, 2008 Author Share Posted December 19, 2008 This blonde goes into walmart and sees this nice silver thermos, but it seems rather spendy. So she says to the salesman, why is this so costly? the salesman says, well this one keeps hot things hot and cold things cold. The blonde thinks this is great so she buys it. At work she excitedly shows her friend what she's bought and how it works. Oh, wonderful says the friend. What have you got in it today. The blonde replys, two popsicles and some coffee! TWANG Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
TWANG Posted December 19, 2008 Author Share Posted December 19, 2008 This blonde goes in to see the dr at the emergency room. her finger is blown off. My god says the dr. what happened. The blond replies I tried to commit suicide. Suicide? By blowing off your finger? how did that happen, asks the dr. Well, says the blonde, I bought a shotgun, and first, I pointed it at my heart. but then I realized I'd just spent two hundred dollars on the blouse I was wearing and thought that was a waste. So then I pointed it through my mouth, but then I realized I had just spent two thousand dollars getting my teeth fixed, so that was a waste, too. Then I pointed it at my ear, but I realized it would make a terrible noise, so before I pulled the trigger, I put my finger in my other ear. TWANG Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
TWANG Posted December 19, 2008 Author Share Posted December 19, 2008 and then there were these two blondes who froze to death at the drive in theater. They had gone to see 'closed for the winter'. TWANG Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
AyushPresley Posted December 19, 2008 Share Posted December 19, 2008 An airline captain was helping a new blonde flight attendant prepare for her first overnight trip. Upon their arrival, the captain showed the flight attendant the best place for airline personnel to eat, shop, and stay overnight. The next morning as the pilot was preparing the crew for the day's route, he noticed the new stewardess was missing. He knew which room she was in at the hotel and called her up to ask what happened to her. She answered the phone, crying, and said, "I can't get out of the room!" "You can't get out of your room?"; the captain asked. "Why not?" She replied, "There are only three doors in here," she sobbed, "one is the bathroom, one is the closet, and one has a sign on it that says 'Do Not Disturb'!" Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
epinder Posted December 19, 2008 Share Posted December 19, 2008 A Plane Is On Its Way To Toronto, When A Blonde In Economy Class Gets Up, And Moves To The First Class Section And Sits Down. The Flight Attendant Watches Her Do This, And Asks To See Her Ticket. She Then Tells The Blonde That She Paid For Economy Class, And That She Will Have To Sit In The Back. The Blonde Replies, 'I'm Blonde, I'm Beautiful, I'm Going To Toronto and I'm Staying Right Here.' The Flight Attendant Goes Into The Cockpit And Tells The Pilot And The Co-pilot That There Is A Blonde Bimbo Sitting In First Class, That Belongs In Economy, And Won't Move Back To Her Seat. The Co-pilot Goes Back To The Blonde And Tries To Explain That Because She Only Paid For Economy She will Have To Leave And Return To Her Seat. The Blonde Replies, 'I'm Blonde, I'm Beautiful, I'm Going To Toronto And I'm Staying Right Here.' The Co-pilot Tells The Pilot That He Probably Should Have The Police Waiting When They Land To Arrest This Blonde Woman Who Won't Listen To Reason. The Pilot Says, 'you Say She Is A Blonde? I'll Handle This, I'm Married To A Blonde. I Speak Blonde.' He Goes Back To The Blonde And Whispers In Her Ear, And She Says, 'oh, I'm Sorry.' And Gets Up And Goes Back To Her Seat In Economy.. The Flight Attendant And Co-pilot Are Amazed And Asked Him What He Said To Make Her Move Without Any Fuss. I Told Her, 'First Class Isn't Going To Toronto ' Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
AyushPresley Posted December 19, 2008 Share Posted December 19, 2008 Q: What do you do if a blonde throws a grenade at you? A: Pull the pin and throw it back. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
AyushPresley Posted December 19, 2008 Share Posted December 19, 2008 How do you know a blonde's having a bad day? Her tampon's behind her ear and she can't find her pencil. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Whitmore Willy Posted December 19, 2008 Share Posted December 19, 2008 A blonde pulls her car over as she is driving down the road. She had spotted another blond in the middle of a grassy field.....rowing in a rowboat. She calls out, "Hey Idiot, it's blonds like you that give the rest of us a bad name." "If I could swim, I would come out there and kick your ***." Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
RSDx Posted December 19, 2008 Share Posted December 19, 2008 A blonde walks into the ER with a teddy bear on her head .... the admitting nurse asks what she's there for, and the teddy bear says "Well, I've got this stupid growth on my butt" ....................... ........................... ........................eh, never mind Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Stig Posted December 19, 2008 Share Posted December 19, 2008 Two blonds walk into a building. You'd think ONE of them would have seen it. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
rgb7 Posted December 19, 2008 Share Posted December 19, 2008 http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=hlwOCHNrB98 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
kevin134 Posted December 19, 2008 Share Posted December 19, 2008 My wife is a blond... so I am sitting here laughing my a$$ off in agreement.... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
layboomo Posted December 19, 2008 Share Posted December 19, 2008 I like this topic! Here's a couple: Why shouldn't blondes have coffee breaks? It takes too long to re-train them. How do you make a blonde laugh on Saturday? Tell her a joke on Wednesday. What do you call a smart blonde? A golden retriever. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
leicester35 Posted December 19, 2008 Share Posted December 19, 2008 My wife is a blond... so I am sitting here laughing my a$$ off in agreement.... ...guess I was wise to marry a red-head then. Mind you, the thing about the temper is true. Guitar-buying seems to provoke this. A lot. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
highxj Posted December 19, 2008 Share Posted December 19, 2008 The Blonde and her boyfriend were taking a nice stroll along the beach. The blonde looks up into the clear blue sky to see a gull sailing overhead. The sea gull swoops down and craps on the poor girls head. Her stunned boyfriend says, "Gosh honey, stay right there! I'll run up to the truck and grab that roll of tissue paper." "Don't be an idiot", she says. "By the time you get back he'll be miles away!" Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guitar Chico Posted December 19, 2008 Share Posted December 19, 2008 How do you kill a blonde? Put a scratch and sniff sticker at the bottom of a pool. GC Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
TWANG Posted December 19, 2008 Author Share Posted December 19, 2008 I was bartending. Nobody in the place. A redhead a blonde and a brunette come in. I ask how I could serve them. We're going to play a game, says the brunette. We'll give you a hint, and if you can guess what our drinks are, we'll double your tip. Fun, says I, let's give it a try. The redhead says, I'll have a PBR. ah, pabst blue ribbon I reply. yes says she. The brunette says, I'll have a MHL. ah, miller high life I reply. yes, says she. The blonde says, I'll have a 13. I wrack my head... 13.. 13.. nothing. At long last I give up. Stupid bartender laughs the blonde. you know..13.. a seven and seven. TWANG Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
larkin38 Posted December 19, 2008 Share Posted December 19, 2008 My wife is a blonde and I am enjoying the jokes. Let me tell you what she once did. When we were first married. I smell this funny smell coming from the kitchen. I go in and she is ironing the PLASTIC table cloth. True story. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
RevCharlieD Posted December 19, 2008 Share Posted December 19, 2008 Two blonds completed their commercial flight training and were hired by a small cargo company. The first assignment was to fly into Phoenix and return with a small cargo. The flight to Phoenix was as routine as possible. They made their turn onto final, lined up the runway and started decent. Upon touchdown, the captain (brighter of the two) realized that they they were quickly approaching the end of the runway She applied full breaks and slid to a stop just before she ran off the end. Her copilot remarked that that that was the shortest runway she had ever seen... The Captain responded - "Yea, but look how wide it is..." Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
RevCharlieD Posted December 19, 2008 Share Posted December 19, 2008 A beautiful blond was very proud of her ability to memorize things. Her friends challenged her to learn all the State's Capitals. Three days later to the amazement of her friends, she returned ready for any test. Her brunette friend said she would take it easy at first... She asked for the Capital of Wisconsin... Oh, that's an easy one.... the blond exclaimed... "W"! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
AyushPresley Posted December 19, 2008 Share Posted December 19, 2008 A blonde, a brunette and a redhead were stuck on an island for many, many years until one day they found a magic lamp. They rubbed it hard and out popped a genie. He said that he could only give three wishes so since there were three girls, each would get one wish. The redhead went first. ''I hate it here. It is too hot and boring. I want to go home!'' "Okay,'' replied the genie. And off she went. Then the brunette went. ''I miss my family, my friends and relatives. I want to go home, too!!'' And off she went. The blonde started crying and said, ''I wish my friends were back here!'' Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
AyushPresley Posted December 19, 2008 Share Posted December 19, 2008 Q: What's the advantage of having a blonde as a girlfriend? A: You get to park in handicapped zones. How do you confuse a blonde? Tell her to count the stairs on a escalator. Q: Why did the blonde run with the bike? A: It was going too fast for her to get on. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest alanhindle Posted December 19, 2008 Share Posted December 19, 2008 This one features a blonde but the blonde is not the subject of the joke: A man walks in to a pub and sits down at the bar. He pulls out of his coat pocket, a small man about a foot high and a small toy piano. He puts the little chap and his piano down on the bar. This little man then proceeds to play tunes to entertain the regulars. The landlord asks the man where he got this little fella from, and he explains that he stumbled across a magic lamp, which he rubbed and then a genie appeared and granted him a wish. The landlord asks the man if he still has the lamp and, sure enough he pulls this out of his other coat pocket for the landlord to rub. When the genie appears, the landlord immediately asks the genie for a dumb blonde. The genie, who is a little hard of hearing, requests the landlord to speak louder. Eventually, after some very loud shouting, the genie grants the landlord's wish and tells him to go out back in to the beer garden to receive it. The genie then promptly disappears back in to the lamp. A very bemused landlord comes back in from outside and tells the lamp owner that this deaf genie has left him a duck pond in the back garden, to which the lamp owner replies "Well, do you seriously think I asked the genie to give me a 12 inch pianist?" Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
ICH Posted December 20, 2008 Share Posted December 20, 2008 Four blondes are in a bar celebrating. They keep shouting "8 months" and high fiving each other. A brunette asks them what they are celebrating, and one tells her. " We have just completed a jigsaw in 8 months, and the box said 3 to 5 years". Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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