Lars68 Posted February 20, 2022 Share Posted February 20, 2022 (edited) Here is a song I just wrote and recorded. It's a one-take effort and the one with the least mistakes out of about ten attempts. As always, I'm looking for constructive feedback in order to improve. What do you think? Lars LONG TIME COMING It's Saturday night by the river Where the lights of my home shine from the far banks I'm holding your hand gently in mine Here's where I belong for this moment I am giving thanks I see it, I feel it It's here with me now I see it, I feel it It's been a long time coming When we first met I was lost at sea Like driftwood never floating to the shore But you salvaged me and we built a home A fortress strong as one I'd never seen before I see it, I feel it It's here with me now I see it, I feel it It's been a long time coming We are cosmic dust by Darwinian law No God of the gaps but tonight is a revelation As autumn leafs fall along our path We walk with peace here at our destination I see it, I feel it It's here with me now I see it, I feel it It's been a long time coming Edited February 20, 2022 by Lars68 1 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
egoidealmusic Posted February 20, 2022 Share Posted February 20, 2022 This is fantastic, Lars! Great recording and lyrics. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
BoSoxBiker Posted February 20, 2022 Share Posted February 20, 2022 Bravo, Lars! Man, what a steady and massive amount of vocals improvement over the past few years. Much kudos. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
DanvillRob Posted February 20, 2022 Share Posted February 20, 2022 A great song! Thanks for sharing it with us! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
kwalker201 Posted February 20, 2022 Share Posted February 20, 2022 Really nice Lars. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
62burst Posted February 21, 2022 Share Posted February 21, 2022 All around solid imagery. As a total non-songwriter, I can't imagine doing what songwriters do, but when the vibe is strong enough, how well you pulled it off technically can become less of a thing. ? . So you sing a song in a shaky voice, and yes, reverb can be your fast friend, ...but ultimately, we all pretty much sound like ourselves. I don't want to blow smoke, but yeah, it's sounding like some real improvement, there, Lars. There must be a songwriters forums if you really want to get into the nuts and bolts. Just don't let it turn into songwriting by committee. 👍 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Lars68 Posted February 21, 2022 Author Share Posted February 21, 2022 Thanks for the comments and support, guys! Voice is shakey but I'm hoping to improve on that when eventually doing a multitrack version. One-takes are not my strong suit. I need the help of being able to cut and paste vocal lines from many takes into one. Lars Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Sevendaymelee Posted February 21, 2022 Share Posted February 21, 2022 Good job! Although, I gotta say... it's gusty to release original work online like this. I usually tell everyone I know who writes music, "Don't throw it out there because if it's great, someone can and probably will steal your stuff!" In my opinion, it's better to keep it under wraps until it's at least copy written/protected somehow. That way, if it's nicked, you can take legal recourse lol. But maybe I'm just anally retentive about this stuff haha. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
BoSoxBiker Posted February 21, 2022 Share Posted February 21, 2022 The other side of the coin is that releasing to the world this way provides proof that it existed on a specific date and was accessible by one and all. Of course, I'm saying this with little knowledge of the law than what I retain from watching movies. I was a geek, not a lawyer. LOL Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
livemusic Posted February 21, 2022 Share Posted February 21, 2022 Lars you continue trying so that is admirable. I can hear improvement in spots. First comment is about the vocal. You are stronger in spots so that’s good but still wavering here n there and it is very pitchy in spots. Same thing I advised to you years ago, get pro help. Second is when writing a lyric the story needs to be compelling, poignant, catchy or humorous, whatever your theme dictates. Which isn’t easy. A sensational melody can help soften that requirement. For lyrics, if English is not your primary language it may be next to impossible, I don’t know. Your guitar work is fine. Best of luck! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Lars68 Posted February 22, 2022 Author Share Posted February 22, 2022 On 2/21/2022 at 9:02 AM, Sevendaymelee said: Good job! Although, I gotta say... it's gusty to release original work online like this. I usually tell everyone I know who writes music, "Don't throw it out there because if it's great, someone can and probably will steal your stuff!" In my opinion, it's better to keep it under wraps until it's at least copy written/protected somehow. That way, if it's nicked, you can take legal recourse lol. But maybe I'm just anally retentive about this stuff haha. Thanks for listening! I don’t see my stuff as worthy of copying, at least not if making money is the objective, but I’ll gladly see someone out there prove me wrong 🤪 Lars Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Lars68 Posted February 22, 2022 Author Share Posted February 22, 2022 18 hours ago, livemusic said: Lars you continue trying so that is admirable. I can hear improvement in spots. First comment is about the vocal. You are stronger in spots so that’s good but still wavering here n there and it is very pitchy in spots. Same thing I advised to you years ago, get pro help. Second is when writing a lyric the story needs to be compelling, poignant, catchy or humorous, whatever your theme dictates. Which isn’t easy. A sensational melody can help soften that requirement. For lyrics, if English is not your primary language it may be next to impossible, I don’t know. Your guitar work is fine. Best of luck! Thanks for commenting! I’ll never be a natural, that’s for sure, but I do see some slow progress and that’s all I can ask for. English is my second language, but I was quite satisfied with the lyrics this time around. I write what means something to me, hoping that maybe anyone listening might relate, if not, well maybe next time… Lars Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
MissouriPicker Posted February 22, 2022 Share Posted February 22, 2022 Lars, you sound really good! This might be the best one yet. You could perform that song just like that in a lot of places and people would like it. I sincerely enjoyed it……AND, your lyrics are strong and easy for me to identify with. I really like the rhyming and the metaphors you use. This music is very relaxing and is ideal for a coffeehouse venue. I admire your dedication and determination. Keep your music alive and enjoy your life…….Good stuff. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Lars68 Posted February 22, 2022 Author Share Posted February 22, 2022 7 hours ago, MissouriPicker said: Lars, you sound really good! This might be the best one yet. You could perform that song just like that in a lot of places and people would like it. I sincerely enjoyed it……AND, your lyrics are strong and easy for me to identify with. I really like the rhyming and the metaphors you use. This music is very relaxing and is ideal for a coffeehouse venue. I admire your dedication and determination. Keep your music alive and enjoy your life…….Good stuff. Thanks so much, MP. You have been very supportive of my efforts ever since my very first song post here on the forum a few years back. I really appreciate it. Lars Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Lars68 Posted February 27, 2022 Author Share Posted February 27, 2022 Encouraged by the positive feedback for my song, I have tried to develop it some more. Here is what I have done in a new version below. - Merging of the best bits from a couple of takes into one, reducing the vocal pitch issues. - Starting in the second verse, I added percussion and a Nashville tuned second guitar (a cool oldie 😀 a 1938 Kalamazoo 3/4 Sport) - Added a new bridge between second and third verse - Starting in the new bridge, I added an organ I tried to keep the additions subtle, as not to interfere with the acoustic nature of the song. Feel free to have a second listen, and tell me if you think the additions work… Lars Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Murph Posted February 27, 2022 Share Posted February 27, 2022 Who are you, and what have you done with Lars? Man, you've gotten deep, and have some hours under your belt since I used to hang around. Well done. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
MorrisrownSal Posted February 27, 2022 Share Posted February 27, 2022 Hey Lars. i echo Murph. I think the organ is a real tasteful addition as well. Excellent song, and beautiful to listen to this Sunday morning. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Lars68 Posted February 27, 2022 Author Share Posted February 27, 2022 Thanks a bunch, Sal and Murph! It means a lot coming from you, who know what my songs used to sound like. There is still lots to learn, but getting to this point has been a long time coming 😜 Lars Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
kwalker201 Posted February 27, 2022 Share Posted February 27, 2022 I really like what you have done to this new rendition Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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