Ouch!

[AndyK]

Crumbs, after what I thought was a good gig, the singer and drummer (who are in cahoots in other bands) start making rumbles about how bad we were last night - we weren't. We did a damned good gig and people loved it. They're both in other bands also, and me (Mr Stable, Mr Reliable)... I suddenly had enough! The singer is a great singer, but she never learns the songs we suggest, so I jumped before I was pushed (and got abuse for it). Ho hum. I've spent 2 years bustin' my *** for this band, picking up the singer and other guitarist every week.

 

It hurts and I'm bloody fed up. I'm not a great lead guitarist, I'm a good rhythm, bit of lead, good backing vox, and I know how to fit into a band. But that's difficult to market. Bollocks.

[jdgm]

Sorry to hear that, know exactly how you feel. These things - do you let it blow over or do you try and resolve it? I'm in a band (supposedly) at the moment but the 3 other members all have at least 2 other bands each. At the last rehearsal the bass player (who doesn't get the parts right) said "don't worry, if we get a gig I'll practice the tunes".....it makes you wonder why you bother.

Best wishes!

[charlie brown]

Sorry, to hear that, Andy! Been there (way too many times) myself.

In fact, I'm in 3 bands, now....but, NONE of them play, very often! To them,

it's a "hobby," and way past getting even somewhat serious about. They don't

even rehearse, much. One band, the one that plays the most, doesn't rehearse

at all! I'm SHOCKED, quite often, how well we sound, even so! But, Hell...

they play the same (wonderful, as they are) old songs, they've played for nearly

50 years, now! So, they should "know" them...even better, than they do! LOL

 

Not to worry, something will come along. "Bands" come and go! It's really

hard (IMHO) to find a group of people to play music with, on more than a casual

level, these days. I grew up playing with my really great friends...much like

"The Beatles" thing, really. One for all, all for one, etc. But, that doesn't

seem to exist (much, if at all), anymore. :mellow: :unsure:

 

Hang in there...play whenever, with whoever you can, that's on the same page,

if at all possible! You'll keep in practice, at the very least!

 

Cheers,

CB

[Rabs]

Crumbs, after what I thought was a good gig, the singer and drummer (who are in cahoots in other bands) start making rumbles about how bad we were last night - we weren't. We did a damned good gig and people loved it. They're both in other bands also, and me (Mr Stable, Mr Reliable)... I suddenly had enough! The singer is a great singer, but she never learns the songs we suggest, so I jumped before I was pushed (and got abuse for it). Ho hum. I've spent 2 years bustin' my *** for this band, picking up the singer and other guitarist every week.

 

It hurts and I'm bloody fed up. I'm not a great lead guitarist, I'm a good rhythm, bit of lead, good backing vox, and I know how to fit into a band. But that's difficult to market. Bollocks.

Hey man, yeah that does suck.

 

BUT those are the dues we pay when wanting to be in a serious band.. Like finding a good woman... You may have to go through a few to get the right one and each one will have their own quirks. Everything your doing is just adding to your own experience and that's what you sell.. Skill level is one thing, but being able to play in a band knowing those ropes is something you cant read from a book, you have to live that.

 

None of it is a waste of time.. You should see it as something that makes you want it even more cos the next time it will be even better and your experience will let you know what to look for and how to handle it next time.

[milod]

After the first one that was a bit of a shock, then a realization that not just the music style, but their whole lives were going a different direction I didn't care to follow, I figured it was not a bad thing.

 

Others... well, people and perspectives change. It's just kinda like the rest of life, I think...

 

m

[RaysEpiphone]

Bad news indeed, I am wondering why you put up with this type of abuse for 2 years.

[charlie brown]

Bad news indeed, I am wondering why you put up with this type of abuse for 2 years.

 

Well, I can't speak for Andy, but here...one tends to "put up with it," because...

there's prescious few, to play with, at all! So, you carry your gear, and take your

chances!

 

CB

[surfpup]

Band breakups are almost as bad as divorces. You've got almost as much emotionally invested as a marriage (and sometimes financial investments as well). Always best to be true to one's self though and move on - unless it was so awesome that a little compromise on your part could hold it together. That didn't help much did it?

[rct]

I don't know how old you are and all, but number uno: Don't Be Hurt.

 

I used to <fill in the blank>

 

Now I <fill in the blank>

 

There is no more to bands than that. Anything more is far too much investment in a thing that has about a 99% chance of not ending the way you would like it to, or anyone else in it for that matter.

 

I've been in two and three bands at once, sometimes other bands know about others, sometimes not, doesn't matter either way.

 

Don't be hurt. It's just a band.

 

rct

[AndyK]

Bad news indeed, I am wondering why you put up with this type of abuse for 2 years.

 

Heh, to clarify, the abuse only came after I said I was leaving. Thanks to all for your support. Yes, it's only a band, but yes, it still hurts. I spent half the night tossing and turning, and eventually came up with a nicely-worded put-down which I just mailed. I feel better already!

 

 

To quote Govt Mule: "I shall return from the depths of my own hell. I shall return"

[kidblast]

It's certainly frustrating Andy,

 

bands come and go, hard to find the right combination of people to make it last and work long term. Seems as soon as everything starts to fall into place with the music/gigs/gear/etc... something negative enters in to the equation and it ends.

 

it CAN work, it's really a matter of the right collection of players. Finding that chemistry is the trick.

 

Nothing lasts forever, just set your sights on your next project and move on is all you can.

 

Good luck!

/Ray

[AndyK]

Thank you all so much for your messages. Myself and the lead guitarist are going to start something new. Hopefully, the bassist will join us too.

[Rabs]

Thank you all so much for your messages. Myself and the lead guitarist are going to start something new. Hopefully, the bassist will join us too.

Haha.. sounds kinda like what happened to Guns n Roses ;)

[pippy]

Sorry to hear about the original problem but good to see you might be able to salvage something where the three of you can be the core.

 

All the best luck for finding replacements!

 

 

P.

[EVOL!]

I don't know how old you are and all, but number uno: Don't Be Hurt.

 

I used to <fill in the blank>

 

Now I <fill in the blank>

 

There is no more to bands than that. Anything more is far too much investment in a thing that has about a 99% chance of not ending the way you would like it to, or anyone else in it for that matter.

 

I've been in two and three bands at once, sometimes other bands know about others, sometimes not, doesn't matter either way.

 

Don't be hurt. It's just a band.

 

rct

 

I don't know, brother. To me it was always more than "just a band". Maybe if your are playing covers where there is little creative investment, yeah, it's just a band, but when you are writing material, pouring your soul into it, and opening yourself emotionally, spending hours creating with others in a tight smelly rehearsal space, and toughing it out at gigs, it means *so much* more. I had a nervous breakdown after my last band's break up. Emotionally, it's on par with a divorce.

[EVOL!]

My condolences, Andy. I've been there too. All I can say is keep playing, brother.

[rct]

I don't know, brother. To me it was always more than "just a band". Maybe if your are playing covers where there is little creative investment, yeah, it's just a band, but when you are writing material, pouring your soul into it, and opening yourself emotionally, spending hours creating with others in a tight smelly rehearsal space, and toughing it out at gigs, it means *so much* more. I had a nervous breakdown after my last band's break up. Emotionally, it's on par with a divorce.

 

I've done it all brother, and believe me, you get to a point where it is really just a band. If you have taken care of business as far as the music goes, in the end, it doesn't matter who you make it with. Covers, originals, don't matter, making music with people is about as intimate as it gets. Treat it like a one night stand and hope it becomes more, that's my advice.

 

rct

[bonzoboy]

I've been in many bands so consequently I've been through many band breakups,most were amicable but one got kind of nasty.My best buddy and I were playing in a 5 piece band with me on lead and my buddy on drums.We were scheduled to play at a club one weekend and when we saw the nightclub's ad in the paper with the band pic,we were floored to see that they had taken on the drummer who had played with them years before,yet didn't have the guts of common decency to let us know.

 

Another band I played in had a booking outside of town that paid quite well and we were really looking forward to it.On the day of the gig we couldn't find the other co-lead guitarist anywhere so we phoned his home.His mother told us that he was playing out of town that night,we said that we knew because he was playing with us.His mother was kind of puzzled when she told us that he in fact had left a couple of hours before to go to another town far from where we were playing.We scrambled to find someone to fill in and we were lucky enough to get hold of a guy who we had jammed with before and who knew most of our songs.We found out the next day that our other guitarist got an offer from another band to play another gig that was in a bigger club that paid more-so much for loyalty and commitment.Anyway needless to say he was dropped and the guy who filled in took his place.

 

The guy who had stood us up later had some sort of breakdown and was diagnosed as being Bi-Polar,so I guess that his out of character behaviour was probably due to his mental condition.

 

Don't get too put out by the band breakup they are part and parcel of playing,some people just are too flighty,lackadaisical and immature to commit to a band. You are much better off staying away from these types of people because you never know when the may decide to ditch the band because they usually lack common sense and are likely to leave at the most inopportune time.

[AndyK]

The phoenix rises from the flames... well, hopefully! We've got two drummers to audition next week. The weakest link is probably me on vocals - I've not done it for a few years. We'll see...