awel Posted April 9, 2015 Share Posted April 9, 2015 I am 40 since January, have a lovely wife and a wonderful 18 monthes little girl. Played in 2 bands, one is Classic Rock covers and the other one is Blues Rock. So everything should be fine but ... I am bored by my job, I am a consultant in an IT Company more precisely Senior Tester, I have worked 7 years for the European Commission and that was a challenging and interresting role (I finished Test Manager and always try to manage my way, human driven, trust based management with the tester). Contract has ended and then I switched company since then everything went wrong, started to work for the finnancial world, which is far away from human driven philosophy I am in. Now I am just waking up and going to work for the money, I hate what I am doing, I find IT world so cold, result and money oriented, adding the fact that as consultant I am a kind of mercenary, 6 monthes here, 4 monthes there... I am not doing my work at all, just the minimum, except when it is about to help the other where I am always volonteer. I am sleeping only 5h by night, and I am tired so tired, always in bad mood, not focused at all... Am I slowly sliding to the burnout/depression? am I 'only' exhausted? is it some midlife crisis? I don't know, this feeling is there since 3 years now and it 's getting worst, always sick, don't know how many time I can stand it :( Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest Farnsbarns Posted April 9, 2015 Share Posted April 9, 2015 Get more sleep. I used to operate on 5 hrs all the time like you. I'm about to turn 39. It took a while to realise I can't do 5 hrs any more and I started to feel the weight of life on me before I made a change. Not saying you'll suddenly love your job but I'm sure you'll be happier over all. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
IanHenry Posted April 9, 2015 Share Posted April 9, 2015 I am 40 since January, have a lovely wife and a wonderful 18 monthes little girl. Played in 2 bands, one is Classic Rock covers and the other one is Blues Rock. So everything should be fine but ... I am bored by my job, I am a consultant in an IT Company more precisely Senior Tester, I have worked 7 years for the European Commission and that was a challenging and interresting role (I finished Test Manager and always try to manage my way, human driven, trust based management with the tester). Contract has ended and then I switched company since then everything went wrong, started to work for the finnancial world, which is far away from human driven philosophy I am in. Now I am just waking up and going to work for the money, I hate what I am doing, I find IT world so cold, result and money oriented, adding the fact that as consultant I am a kind of mercenary, 6 monthes here, 4 monthes there... I am not doing my work at all, just the minimum, except when it is about to help the other where I am always volonteer. I am sleeping only 5h by night, and I am tired so tired, always in bad mood, not focused at all... Am I slowly sliding to the burnout/depression? am I 'only' exhausted? is it some midlife crisis? I don't know, this feeling is there since 3 years now and it 's getting worst, always sick, don't know how many time I can stand it :( Have you ever thought about Teaching Awel? The Money may not be as good but the job satisfaction makes up for that. I'm pretty sure Schools in Belgium must be crying out for people with your background. I spent many years teaching and loved it, the kids are great if you treat them right, contrary to popular belief. I took early retirement only gave it up because of the bureaucratic B/S that teachers in the U.K have to endure nowadays, but I do miss the teaching. Ian Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Kenny V Posted April 9, 2015 Share Posted April 9, 2015 Sounds like depression to me. Before you make any life changing decisions find a good therapist to talk to. My thoughts are with you. Kenny V Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
awel Posted April 9, 2015 Author Share Posted April 9, 2015 Have you ever thought about Teaching Awel? The Money may not be as good but the job satisfaction makes up for that. I'm pretty sure Schools in Belgium must be crying out for people with your background. I spent many years teaching and loved it, the kids are great if you treat them right, contrary to popular belief. I took early retirement only gave it up because of the bureaucratic B/S that teachers in the U.K have to endure nowadays, but I do miss the teaching. Ian Sadly without a diploma or certification, I don't think I will be hired anywhere to teach and to teach what? But you're right, you know when I was 18, I have started nursery studies, and I was liking it so much, being at the hospital and help people, listen them, because most of the time they were just looking for someone to talk to. I have stopped for stoopid reason and I don't want to think about the past and what I could/should have done then. But I like the feeling of being helpful. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
awel Posted April 9, 2015 Author Share Posted April 9, 2015 Sounds like depression to me. Before you make any life changing decisions find a good therapist to talk to. My thoughts are with you. Kenny V Thanks Kenny Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Doug the Old Geezer Posted April 9, 2015 Share Posted April 9, 2015 Awel, Maybe you should start planning for a career change, don't do it abruptly, but investigate and research some area that you would like to work in. I changed careers at 50 and it was worrisome at first, just like any new job can be because of the unknown, but it was a breath of fresh air for my soul. :) Doug Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
zigzag Posted April 9, 2015 Share Posted April 9, 2015 "Most men l lead lives of quiet desperation." -Thoreau Only the lucky enjoy their profession. You're not depressed. You just don't like your job. Find another. Then find reasons to like it and choose to be happy. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
IanHenry Posted April 9, 2015 Share Posted April 9, 2015 Sadly without a diploma or certification, I don't think I will be hired anywhere to teach and to teach what? But you're right, you know when I was 18, I have started nursery studies, and I was liking it so much, being at the hospital and help people, listen them, because most of the time they were just looking for someone to talk to. I have stopped for stoopid reason and I don't want to think about the past and what I could/should have done then. But I like the feeling of being helpful. Awel, I don't know what the requirement is for Teaching in Belgium, I would have assumed a Degree was necessary. Here in the U.K, a lot of Schools are training people (with the qualifications) in the School as apposed to the traditional Post Graduation route (because they are finding it difficult to recruit)so you still have an income whilst in training. Regarding which subject why not I.T? You've obviously got experience in that and it's one of the "growth" areas, at least it is here in the U.K with the Government wanting all pupils to learn computer coding. Good luck, I hope something works out for you, but if it is work related, you really need to address the problem, after all, we spend most of our waking hours at work. Ian Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
charisjapan Posted April 9, 2015 Share Posted April 9, 2015 Awel, First of all, you have to understand that online counseling is suboptimal ... but letting it out is a good thing, and folks here share a passion, which is usually more important than career. Folks who like playing music want to help others who play music. But ultimately, family and real people are going to help you get through this, so as has been said, get counseling from someone you are comfortable with. Mid-life crisis is real, and is often connected with the wide-ranging word depression. It has often been said that a great deal of modern depression stems from having too much stimuli, and too much redundant information. We know so much, see so much, and are kind of required to feel so much ... like we are supposed to carry all the world's burdens. My own viewpoint is that it's good to take a step, or even a few steps, away from all the busy-ness of the world, and re-train you senses on the real people and real stuff in your life. My own MLC came in my early 50s, so I looked for, and found, a passion that I had given up on ... I started playing guitar! It was quite out-of-character, never played a musical instrument, no rhythm, no coordination. (still battling those after 5 years!) But I wanted to play as a teen, so decided to give it a shot. Caution! "Doing what you always wanted to do" does NOT mean dumping all your responsibilities and commitments!! It means you explore something fun, you ask for support in it from those around you, and you find out if it's really YOU, or just a whim. Apparently you already play an instrument, so you can't have MY hobby/therapy ... you have to find your own! And get some sleep without meds ... I drink licorice and chamomile tea and conk out. Be well, my friend. cj Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
awel Posted April 9, 2015 Author Share Posted April 9, 2015 Awel, Maybe you should start planning for a career change, don't do it abruptly, but investigate and research some area that you would like to work in. I changed careers at 50 and it was worrisome at first, just like any new job can be because of the unknown, but it was a breath of fresh air for my soul. :) Doug Thank you, I am not afraid of changes, I have started at 20 as an express delivery driver, then I was working in an electronic shop, then take a freelance license as driver, to finally arrive to the IT world after an 8 monthes training. So I am not afraid to start again. :) Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
awel Posted April 9, 2015 Author Share Posted April 9, 2015 "Most men l lead lives of quiet desperation." -Thoreau Only the lucky enjoy their profession. You're not depressed. You just don't like your job. Find another. Then find reasons to like it and choose to be happy. that's why I am lokking for changes :) Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Riffster Posted April 9, 2015 Share Posted April 9, 2015 I am on a very similar situation but my upbringing in a third world country gives me perspective of what are called "first world problems" and re-think my position every time I am headed in a burnout state of mind. Like Farns says, get some sleep, consistent good sleep, it matters, it matters a lot. I was too running on 5 hours of poor sleep, loading up on coffee and that is not healthy because if your body and mind are not healthy you start looking at the world in a different way. I do not think you are depressed. In my case after feeling burnt out a few years ago I kicked the other way, for the last 5 years I have been one of the top performers in my department, the last 3 years my performance ranking was 110%, 170% and 140%. I still don't love my job but I know that there is nothing wrong with it and actually there are a lot of great things about it and it's all about perspective. Just like you recognize all the good things you have in your life. I did not grow up in a "love what you do and money will follow" culture and that's fine by me. Like I tell my friends that love their jobs: I do not love my job but it pays for my rock n' roll lifestyle" Get some consistent sleep, excercise and eat well. Then you can determine what else needs correction. Good luck. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
awel Posted April 9, 2015 Author Share Posted April 9, 2015 Awel, I don't know what the requirement is for Teaching in Belgium, I would have assumed a Degree was necessary. Here in the U.K, a lot of Schools are training people (with the qualifications) in the School as apposed to the traditional Post Graduation route (because they are finding it difficult to recruit)so you still have an income whilst in training. Regarding which subject why not I.T? You've obviously got experience in that and it's one of the "growth" areas, at least it is here in the U.K with the Government wanting all pupils to learn computer coding. Good luck, I hope something works out for you, but if it is work related, you really need to address the problem, after all, we spend most of our waking hours at work. Ian Thanks Ian, perhaps I need to move in UK :) more seriously I never thought about it but to teach may be a good option, I like working with human, with all their good and bad sides. 'after all, we spend most of our waking hours at work' that's why I feel bad, the rest is good in my life. Al Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
awel Posted April 9, 2015 Author Share Posted April 9, 2015 Awel, First of all, you have to understand that online counseling is suboptimal ... but letting it out is a good thing, and folks here share a passion, which is usually more important than career. Folks who like playing music want to help others who play music. But ultimately, family and real people are going to help you get through this, so as has been said, get counseling from someone you are comfortable with. Mid-life crisis is real, and is often connected with the wide-ranging word depression. It has often been said that a great deal of modern depression stems from having too much stimuli, and too much redundant information. We know so much, see so much, and are kind of required to feel so much ... like we are supposed to carry all the world's burdens. My own viewpoint is that it's good to take a step, or even a few steps, away from all the busy-ness of the world, and re-train you senses on the real people and real stuff in your life. My own MLC came in my early 50s, so I looked for, and found, a passion that I had given up on ... I started playing guitar! It was quite out-of-character, never played a musical instrument, no rhythm, no coordination. (still battling those after 5 years!) But I wanted to play as a teen, so decided to give it a shot. Caution! "Doing what you always wanted to do" does NOT mean dumping all your responsibilities and commitments!! It means you explore something fun, you ask for support in it from those around you, and you find out if it's really YOU, or just a whim. Apparently you already play an instrument, so you can't have MY hobby/therapy ... you have to find your own! And get some sleep without meds ... I drink licorice and chamomile tea and conk out. Be well, my friend. cj Thank you CJ I enjoy more and more being outside, thinking, listening to birds ... that relax me a lot. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
awel Posted April 9, 2015 Author Share Posted April 9, 2015 I am on a very similar situation but my upbringing in a third world country gives me perspective of what are called "first world problems" and re-think my position every time I am headed in a burnout state of mind. Like Farns says, get some sleep, consistent good sleep, it matters, it matters a lot. I was too running on 5 hours of poor sleep, loading up on coffee and that is not healthy because if your body and mind are not healthy you start looking at the world in a different way. I do not think you are depressed. In my case after feeling burnt out a few years ago I kicked the other way, for the last 5 years I have been one of the top performers in my department, the last 3 years my performance ranking was 110%, 170% and 140%. I still don't love my job but I know that there is nothing wrong with it and actually there are a lot of great things about it and it's all about perspective. Just like you recognize all the good things you have in your life. I did not grow up in a "love what you do and money will follow" culture and that's fine by me. Like I tell my friends that love their jobs: I do not love my job but it pays for my rock n' roll lifestyle" Get some consistent sleep, excercise and eat well. Then you can determine what else needs correction. Good luck. I really think the first thing to do is rest a bit, take some sleep and then only think about pro re-orientation. When you're missing sleep, you're living healthy, you drink a lot of coffee, Red Bull and other Monster drink, eating a lot of sugar and so you feel in bad mood, feel bad, headache and I think you're more sensible to virus ... But it is more easy to say it than to do it. :( Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
jdgm Posted April 9, 2015 Share Posted April 9, 2015 Awel - try cutting in half (or more) your coffee intake. Just try it for 2 or 3 days as it needs that long to take effect. I drank lots every day for over a decade and ended up with heart atrial fibrillation as well as the mood swings you are sort of describing. And I cannot take one sip of Red Bull - ugh. That stuff is just poison. These days I rediscover how plain clear water actually tastes really good! Best wishes! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Riffster Posted April 9, 2015 Share Posted April 9, 2015 Oh it is tough to go to bed, prioritizing sleep is not exciting and does not feel like an immediate solution but it does help a lot. I saw a documentary called "Sleepless in America" that talked about how lack of sleep is an epidemic. We stay up late partying, watching TV, on the computer, tablet, etc. and then load up on caffeine the next day thinking that will make up for lack of rest. The most important advice I got from that documentary is to get up at the same time every morning and actually go to sleep at night at the first sign of sleepiness, it worked like a charm for me. I eat less and drink less caffeince because I am better rested. In turn I feel better and I am able to fight stress better. It takes will to overcome bad habits but it is truly the first step to take. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Mr. Gibson Posted April 9, 2015 Share Posted April 9, 2015 . Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
milod Posted April 9, 2015 Share Posted April 9, 2015 I think it is not just "common," but almost "normal" for all of us to wonder, "What am I doing here; why am I doing this?" My own life has been as a journalist, but I went from newspapers to starting a sports association magazine, then back again. Somewhere there is an 85-percent completed non-fiction book of people on the American frontier. The career took me many places in the world. In short, same basic work but with a different direction. Sometimes it's difficult to do even what basically you like to do. Sleep is important, but I too get about five hours per night, and have for decades. And I drink 2 to 4 12-cup pots of coffee a day. I think that perhaps each of us must always look at our lives and consider the good more than the bad. Sometimes people who have had bad things happen in their lives are awakened and blossom. Sometimes people just get bored with what seems like nothing changing in their lives. Sometimes people with good things happening will lose the joy of accomplishment and fail. It's all human. I think the other answers about more sleep can help, but sometimes more sleep can be an escape. I think that except for people with a chemical imbalance, it's a matter of thinking about what you do that is an achievement, even in a "cog in a wheel" environment. If it is a chemical imbalance, perhaps a regular physician may help; that may be a place to start. But you are not alone. m Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
AndyK Posted April 9, 2015 Share Posted April 9, 2015 Awel, I spent 21 years in a big financial services company, before they made me redundant. I now realise I can survive on a lot less money, and I've been fortunate enough to get a job with a small manufacturing company, where it seems they treat people nicely. I start in 2 weeks time. Maybe it's time to look around and try something different, mate? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
the dog Posted April 9, 2015 Share Posted April 9, 2015 not to take anything away from you but I am so sick of my job ...I have been doing the same thing for 41 years....many different company's but still machining and making square parts round and round stuff square.... I'm going to have a job interview with the school system to teach kids how to be a machinist this month....I want this so bad...I want to show kids what you can do when you learn this trade....I only have 7 more years at the most to work....then retirement..... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
SteveFord Posted April 10, 2015 Share Posted April 10, 2015 Your body changes as you age so take a good look at your diet and find yourself another hobby that you really enjoy. I believe you mentioned falconry some time back so perhaps there's some like minded people in your area you could get together with? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
'Scales Posted April 10, 2015 Share Posted April 10, 2015 That whole question of balance seems important to me. There wouldn't have been many days I've worked where I wouldn't have rather been fishing or having a beer with mates, or playing music... but the only real 'down' times I've experienced were when I didn't have enough other fun stuff going on to look forward to - whenever I had those (like now with bands) then work becomes more a way of providing for the good stuff, and less of an all-consuming aspect of life. I've seen many people who throw themselves into work so much that it seems to be all that defines them which I think is a bit sad (unless you're a porn star I guess) - get some balance and the workdays go by quicker and less annoyingly - great for the old sanity. :) Also, that whole middle age thing is pretty natural it seems... you know, what if?... but I wouldn't feel too discouraged, I look at it a bit as if you have fun in your first 25 years, and plan to relax have fun between 55-80 years, then that's 50 good years and there's plenty to be said for using that middle 30 years to provide comfort and security for your family and set up for an enjoyable and less stressful life afterwards. Again, so long as its not all work and no play - balance, balance, balance friends (my 2c) Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
awel Posted April 10, 2015 Author Share Posted April 10, 2015 Awel, I spent 21 years in a big financial services company, before they made me redundant. I now realise I can survive on a lot less money, and I've been fortunate enough to get a job with a small manufacturing company, where it seems they treat people nicely. I start in 2 weeks time. Maybe it's time to look around and try something different, mate? It seems you were in the same situation as myself. I know I can live with less money, I already had to do it few years back. Hope you new situation will satisfy you better, keep me posted Thanks Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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