Riverside Posted December 1, 2009 Share Posted December 1, 2009 A woman has twins, and gives them up for adoption. One of them goes to a family in Egypt and is named "Amal." The other goes to a family in Spain; they name him "Juan." Years later, Juan sends a picture of himself to his mom. Upon receiving the picture, she tells her husband that she wishes she also had a picture of Amal. Her husband responds, "But they are twins--if you've seen Juan, you've seen Amal." Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Lowdown Posted December 1, 2009 Share Posted December 1, 2009 These are great' date=' Mr. Natural. Sorry, no puns in this post.[/quote'] Yeah,he sure is a natural at it,'aint he? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
milod Posted December 1, 2009 Share Posted December 1, 2009 The most fun puns really are the multi-linguals. Been a few years since I managed a tri-lingual and darned if I can remember it, but I think it was English/Korean/German... Latin is easy... especially with a southern US accent... Ahm a bomb, Ahm a bat... German can lend itself to a few interesting multi-linguals. Spanish a little bit, such as Si, Si! Rider... <grin> Hmmmm. Or... You wanna saltan pepper your food? Just jump. Worse... what did the original "Green sleeves" have to do with Gracias? Oops. That's a bit gross Hmmmm. 144 or just a Germanic large? German... What do you call it after a large meal and your tummy sticks out? An Ess curve. m Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Duende Posted December 1, 2009 Author Share Posted December 1, 2009 Before I go to work I will share one of my favourite of a Bond girl's play on words... "ah James...you're such a cunning linguist" Matt Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Duende Posted December 6, 2009 Author Share Posted December 6, 2009 new pun in coming... Walking back to our house, my wife spotted a black Labrador curled up on the back seat of a Range Rover. This is quite a bad one I warn you... As she risked waking it up staring through the window I encouraged her to keep walking saying "Suzie, let sleeping dogs lay" [blink] Matt Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Duende Posted December 6, 2009 Author Share Posted December 6, 2009 A woman has twins' date=' and gives them up for adoption. One of them goes to a family in Egypt and is named "Amal." The other goes to a family in Spain; they name him "Juan." Years later, Juan sends a picture of himself to his mom. Upon receiving the picture, she tells her husband that she wishes she also had a picture of Amal. Her husband responds, "But they are twins--if you've seen Juan, you've seen Amal."[/quote'] LMAO!!!! Matt Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Lowdown Posted December 6, 2009 Share Posted December 6, 2009 Before I go to work I will share one of my favourite of a Bond girl's play on words... "ah James...you're such a cunning linguist" Matt What a cunning stunt that musta been? [blink] Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Andre S Posted December 8, 2009 Share Posted December 8, 2009 Got a great one from a TV show. A girl goes online and names a profile The Master Baiter! Lol!! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Witmer Posted December 9, 2009 Share Posted December 9, 2009 What did the Buddhist say to the hot dog vendor? Make me one with everything. Hee! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
deepblue Posted December 9, 2009 Share Posted December 9, 2009 Did Tiger Wood's wife REALLY understand what he meant when he said "Honey im going out to bang 18 holes before lunch" He wasnt lying. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Witmer Posted January 7, 2010 Share Posted January 7, 2010 Wise man say: "He who stand on toilet is high on pot." Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
DaviSlva Posted January 7, 2010 Share Posted January 7, 2010 Haha. Yeah I can't help myself...everytime we drive past a cemetery I HAVE to say - "God' date='that must be a great place to visit.Everyone's dying to get in there."BOOM BOOM. My wife & kids always groan - loudly...[/quote'] lol!! great one!! can i use that? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
albertjohn Posted January 7, 2010 Share Posted January 7, 2010 Two men are arrested by the Police. The first for drinking battery acid and the second for eating a firework. The first man was charged and the second, let off. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Cruznolfart Posted January 7, 2010 Share Posted January 7, 2010 A drummer was arrested for disturbing the peace because he was told to "take your drum and beat it!" and he did. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Lowdown Posted January 7, 2010 Share Posted January 7, 2010 A drummer was arrested for disturbing the peace because he was told to "take your drum and beat it!" and he did. Oh it's come to tub thumper jokes now has it? Did you know you can always tell if the stage was level or not by which side of his mouth the drummer was dribbling from? Water always finds its level. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Hector Arcadius Posted January 8, 2010 Share Posted January 8, 2010 Every time I go by the Catholic seminary' date=' I point out: 'that's the only place where you go in single and come out a Father."[/quote'] Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Hector Arcadius Posted January 8, 2010 Share Posted January 8, 2010 Before I go to work I will share one of my favourite of a Bond girl's play on words... "ah James...you're such a cunning linguist" Matt The Bond movies are an ENDLESS source of good jokes / puns. Just a guick one: in Goldfinger' date=' the Bond-girl was actually named.... ***** Galore! What more can you ask for...? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Lowdown Posted January 8, 2010 Share Posted January 8, 2010 The Bond movies are an ENDLESS source of good jokes / puns. Just a guick one: in Goldfinger' date=' the Bond-girl was actually named.... ***** Galore! What more can you ask for...? Damn fur balls... How ya been Hector?... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Hector Arcadius Posted January 8, 2010 Share Posted January 8, 2010 Damn fur balls... How ya been Hector?... Well' date=' with 2 newborns in the house, I can't even tell my left from right...! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Lowdown Posted January 8, 2010 Share Posted January 8, 2010 Well' date=' with 2 newborns in the house, I can't even tell my left from right...![biggrin'] Yeah ain't it fun. Never had twins(thank christ)but a 7 and 4 yr old are freakin' bad enough mate! Got 'em weaned onto music yet? Used to be the only thing that would settle my boys down. Try it... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
daveinspain Posted January 8, 2010 Share Posted January 8, 2010 As some of you may remember I lost my job this past summer... :-( Anyway a friend of mine has invested in an Alabaster mine in the north of Spain. He has already been using Alabaster for his chandelier business and now he has invested in the company that actually mines the Alabaster. He is going to b expanding the use of the Alabaster to Funeral Urns... As he knew I was traveling to Boston he asked me if I would be interested in representing his line of Funeral Urns for the United States. I thought well why not, the trend is moving in that direction anyway. A casket and burial plot cost thousands of dollars plus up keep and maintenance. A funeral urn might cost any where from $60 to a couple hundred dollars. A major difference, specially in times like these. I will be visiting some Funeral Parlors with the catalog of urns and prices to test out the waters. I will also visit veternerian clinics and animal hospitals to see what interest there might be. People do cremate their pets and save the ashes. So looks like I might be selling funeral urns if I find there is lots of interest. I get 20% of whatever I sell! I never expected anything like this would come up but hey you never know and I couldn't help think it might not be a bad way to urn a living... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Reiska666 Posted January 8, 2010 Share Posted January 8, 2010 A typical finnish joke, thought it is invented by woman..... -A little boy is sitting in a bath and touching his testicles and wondering: "MOM, what are these???Are these my brains???"" mom: "No,my son, not yet..." Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
saturn Posted January 8, 2010 Share Posted January 8, 2010 As some of you may remember I lost my job this past summer... :-( Anyway a friend of mine has invested in an Alabaster mine in the north of Spain. He has already been using Alabaster for his chandelier business and now he has invested in the company that actually mines the Alabaster. He is going to b expanding the use of the Alabaster to Funeral Urns... As he knew I was traveling to Boston he asked me if I would be interested in representing his line of Funeral Urns for the United States. I thought well why not' date=' the trend is moving in that direction anyway. A casket and burial plot cost thousands of dollars plus up keep and maintenance. A funeral urn might cost any where from $60 to a couple hundred dollars. A major difference, specially in times like these. I will be visiting some Funeral Parlors with the catalog of urns and prices to test out the waters. I will also visit veternerian clinics and animal hospitals to see what interest there might be. People do cremate their pets and save the ashes. So looks like I might be selling funeral urns if I find there is lots of interest. I get 20% of whatever I sell! I never expected anything like this would come up but hey you never know and I couldn't help think it might not be a bad way to [b']urn[/b] a living... SPAM!!!!!! j/k You put a lot of effort into that one Good luck Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
stevef Posted January 8, 2010 Share Posted January 8, 2010 daveinspain. Here's hoping you put an urn'est effort into your new business! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Lowdown Posted January 8, 2010 Share Posted January 8, 2010 Done & Dusted. I suggest burying this before someone digs it up and starts urning points... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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