Basshole Posted February 6, 2010 Share Posted February 6, 2010 Q: How do you confuse a French Soldier? A: Give him a rifle and ask him to shoot it. Q: What's the motto of the US Marine Corps? A: Semper Fi (Always Faithful) Q: What's the motto of the French Army? A: Stop, drop, and run! Q. Why don't Master Card and Visa work well in France? A. They do not know how to say "CHARGE!" Q: What Does "Maginot Line" mean in French? A: "Speed bump ahead" Q: Why did the Post Office have to recall its series of stamps depicting famous Frenchmen? A: People were confused about which side to spit on. Why don't the French really want the US to attack Iraq? Don't want their record for surrender broken. Q: Why does every army (except the U.S., England and Israel) have to have a French flag? A: In case they want to surrender! Q: What's the difference between a Frenchman and a catfish? A: One is an ugly, scum sucking bottom-feeder and the other is a fish. The French have only one actual fighting war hero, Joan of Arc, and they turned her over to the enemy! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Dub-T-123 Posted February 6, 2010 Share Posted February 6, 2010 Thats terrible. I thought the stamp one was the funniest. Not that I dislike the French. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Lowdown Posted February 6, 2010 Share Posted February 6, 2010 Leave it to Frank - [YOUTUBE]http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=T7XiT_mvhK8[/YOUTUBE] Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
dem00n Posted February 6, 2010 Share Posted February 6, 2010 Thats terrible. I thought the stamp one was the funniest. Not that I dislike the French. Its true. :- Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
DAS44 Posted February 7, 2010 Share Posted February 7, 2010 Q: What Does "Maginot Line" mean in French?A: "Speed bump ahead" They were all greeat but this one got me laughing. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Lowdown Posted February 7, 2010 Share Posted February 7, 2010 They were all greeat but this one got me laughing. Ah. But did you have to google it:-k Be honest now. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Hector Arcadius Posted February 7, 2010 Share Posted February 7, 2010 For everyone's info, the French were considered to have the best (by far) military forces in Europe after then end of WWI and they kept their fame right until the start of WWII, when they were swept by the Germans. Historians consider this fame a major part of their breakdown, since they abviously rested too much on their fame. My only objection to the jokes: that ''except US, English & Israeli armies'' part. I really don't want to go deeper... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Cruznolfart Posted February 7, 2010 Share Posted February 7, 2010 For everyone's info' date=' the French were considered to have the best (by far) military forces in Europe after then end of WWI and they kept their fame right until the start of WWII, when they were swept by the Germans. Historians consider this fame a major part of their breakdown, since they abviously rested too much on their fame. My only objection to the jokes: that ''except US, English & Israeli armies'' part. I really don't want to go deeper... I don't really find any humor in something that is intended to insult. Now, if the OP had ever served in the military of his own country, he could probably tell a lot of very funny jokes about his own experiences. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Lowdown Posted February 7, 2010 Share Posted February 7, 2010 I don't really find any humor in something that is intended to insult. Now' date=' if the OP had ever served in the military of his own country, he could probably tell a lot of very funny jokes about his own experiences. [/quote'] There is no I in humour...only u. 'tis all lateral. [YOUTUBE] [/YOUTUBE] Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Cruznolfart Posted February 7, 2010 Share Posted February 7, 2010 There is no I in humour...only u. 'tis all lateral. [YOUTUBE] [/YOUTUBE] Yeah' date=' yeah...I forget, you guys spell it the olde way. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Lowdown Posted February 7, 2010 Share Posted February 7, 2010 Yeah' date=' yeah...I forget, you guys spell it the olde way. [biggrin'] No,you blokes just bastardised it. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Cruznolfart Posted February 7, 2010 Share Posted February 7, 2010 No' date='you blokes just bastardised it.[biggrin'] Damn right! We're YANKS...it's our JOB!! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Lowdown Posted February 7, 2010 Share Posted February 7, 2010 Coming from the original country of bastards,you got me there. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Cruznolfart Posted February 7, 2010 Share Posted February 7, 2010 We are Family All them other bastards and me (ooh yeah) We are Family Come on everybody and sing with me! We are Family! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
MojoRedFoot Posted February 7, 2010 Share Posted February 7, 2010 Why do French have sunburn on their armpits? My wife is part French. She might like some of these. Or hate em. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
DanvillRob Posted February 7, 2010 Share Posted February 7, 2010 Guy is assigned to the (French) Foreign Legion as a young officer. His first day with his unit, the Captain is showing him around. He pointed to a camel tied up out back. He told the young lieutenant that if he got real horny, he could use the camel. The lieutenant was disgusted! After a few weeks, he was in a bad way.... went out back where the camel was tied up.... got a stool and put it behind the camel...and....well...you know..... The Captain happened along... shook his head and said, "Most of the other officers just ride it into town!" Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
ksdaddy Posted February 7, 2010 Share Posted February 7, 2010 For Sale: One French military rifle. Never fired, dropped once. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
NeoConMan Posted February 7, 2010 Share Posted February 7, 2010 That was the one I was gonna use - being a gun dealer ya know.... My wife is half French, but she understands the jokes because she sees the reality they come from. Her Dad on the other hand, will only play along briefly before a semi-scary tantrum erupts. :D/ Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
NeoConMan Posted February 7, 2010 Share Posted February 7, 2010 I don't fully recall this one, but the punchline is still intact. French officer was deriding a Brit officer for wearing those bright red coats into battle. Makes such a brilliant target no matter where they go. The Brit officer explained that it was so blood would not show. If he was injured but able to command, his men would not be demoralized seeing their commander bleeding. He then added "Maybe this is the same reason you're wearing brown pants?" Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
TommyK Posted February 8, 2010 Share Posted February 8, 2010 "I'd rather have one division of Germans in front of me than two divisions of French behind me," sometimes attributed to General George Smith Patton, Jr. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
zigzag Posted February 8, 2010 Share Posted February 8, 2010 They outlawed fireworks on Bastille day. All the Frenchmen kept surrendering. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
TommyK Posted February 8, 2010 Share Posted February 8, 2010 Damn right! We're YANKS...it's our JOB!! Damn straight! Some of us is Red Necks.... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
TommyK Posted February 8, 2010 Share Posted February 8, 2010 .."Most of the other officers just ride it into town!" Take it easy on me fellas... I already cleaned my monitor today. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
TommyK Posted February 8, 2010 Share Posted February 8, 2010 There is no I in humour...only u. 'tis all lateral. [YOUTUBE] [/YOUTUBE] Shocking they way they portray the Vicker.... just shocking. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
saturn Posted February 8, 2010 Share Posted February 8, 2010 Don't know if this was really spoken, but Norman Schwarzkopf was supposed to have said this when France wouldn't join The Coalition in Iraq: "Going to war without the French is like going hunting without your accordion" Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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