Silenced Fred Posted May 19, 2011 Share Posted May 19, 2011 I'm in Indiana, and before I left, me and the drummer wanted to meet up with the bassist to talk about him not showing up to practice for over a month, then *****ing about how we aren't being serious enough with concerts coming up, and then saying he wants to play guitar for like half the songs, and then he says he will only respond to texts, so I called him and left a message then a text saying that he needs to get his act together because if it was a job or a sports team and he didn't show up to practice for a month, his *** would be off the team or job so fast, he couldn't even speak. So with our lineup of shows starting in about two weeks, he starts writing **** on my facebook while I'm out of town, and I tell him we will talk when I get back in town. He will supposedly have none of this so he flips out and quits and is now saying all this stuff about me, and how I'm a terrible person. Am I in the wrong for saying he should leave if he isn't going to be serious? The drummer and other guitarist are friends with myself and the bassist and "refuse to take sides" even though, in my opinion, not showing up to practice and saying he's out isn't taking a side. I'm just pissed for the sheer stupidity of the whole situation Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
daveinspain Posted May 19, 2011 Share Posted May 19, 2011 I hate band drama... I just went through the same thing not long ago, replace him... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
jaxson50 Posted May 19, 2011 Share Posted May 19, 2011 sounds like he was never onboard to start with. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
DAS44 Posted May 19, 2011 Share Posted May 19, 2011 If he didn't show up, you have every right to be angry. Best to keep a level head (at least an outwardly cool head). If he posts on facebook, just respond with something to the end of "You never showed up to practice, we have several gigs left, and you seem to be taking it less than seriously" (apply whatever situation is in question of course). Say nothing more, best not get tied up in it. You're not in the wrong. About the other bandmates, you got to let them know, this is a band not a friendship. You're in the band, you have to help each other through (make decisions etc etc). You are more personally entangled, but they have to weigh in too. As always, don't say anything insulting, just handle it. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
tazzboy Posted May 19, 2011 Share Posted May 19, 2011 Time to start searching for his replacement. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
ShredAstaire Posted May 19, 2011 Share Posted May 19, 2011 You have the right to talk to him about that but how did you deliver the message? Harsh? That could be the reason he reacted srongly. But, if he's not into it the way you are, then there's no point in him continuing with you. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Riverside Posted May 19, 2011 Share Posted May 19, 2011 Sounds like he quit a long time ago. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
ne14t? Posted May 19, 2011 Share Posted May 19, 2011 Toss him is amp and tell him to beat it. This guy doesn't even sound like he should be a musician of any kind, seems to have zero passion for it. Aside from that don't turn it into a *****ing match though, be the man about it and walk away even if he continues to spew crap people will see right through him faster then a window for the tool he really seems to be. If you stoop to his level people will think less of you and ultimately the loser will win. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
stein Posted May 19, 2011 Share Posted May 19, 2011 We say that coming, though, didn't we? Sometimes, when a person lacks integrity or maturity and they want to quit a band, they prefer to be fired so they don't have to feel responsible for letting the band down. Perhaps you did not accommodate him and he now needs someone to blame for having to quit. I am feeling you, man. It hurts when someone is slinging crap about you and your guys don't have your back. When someone is saying things about you to turn poeples perception of you into a bad guy, and your poeple don't refute it, it FEELS like they are agreeing with it. Don't panic man. Some guys may be running a little scared right now. They may think they might get the same treatment, either from him, or even from you. Combat it by treating your band members the opposite of what this guy is saying about you, treat them the opposite of what they are afraid of, and they will have your back. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Silenced Fred Posted May 19, 2011 Author Share Posted May 19, 2011 You have the right to talk to him about that but how did you deliver the message? Harsh? That could be the reason he reacted srongly. But, if he's not into it the way you are, then there's no point in him continuing with you. I said we needed to talk about the band, and he refused. Then I told him if he's not willing to practice, let alone talk, he needed to find another place to play music. When he started flipping out and spouting off about me, I told him off, but nothin too bad Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
charlie brown Posted May 19, 2011 Share Posted May 19, 2011 We solved that problem, around here. NO one, is in a "band!" We put together, like minded musicians, to play various gigs, as needed. It varies, with the gig, musical requirements, and what musical style is wanted/required. Everyone gets paid, equally, and there is enough decent musicaians, around, in all capacities, to do this. It actually works out, quite well, and rehearsals, are only to work out starts, breaks, and endings. All other rehearsing, is done by the individual musicians. We almost HAD to do this, because of the fact that most of the area musicians, are scattered, in different towns, so regular rehearsals, were near impossible, not only because of distance (and now, gas prices), but working around everyone's work or family obligation's schedules. Since we all accept, and understand the situation, it's much easier, to put a "band" together, for a gig, at almost moment's notice, as eveyone has a good idea, already, what the various song lists, and requirements, are, or could be. I should say, too...that quite often, we don't rehearse, together...and just show up, for the gig. It sounds, just as good/tight, as if/when we do rehearse, more often, than not. So...??? Not for everyone, I suppose, but it works, pretty darn well, out here, "in the sticks!" And, there's NO unwanted "Drama," whatsoever. CB Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Silenced Fred Posted May 19, 2011 Author Share Posted May 19, 2011 Charlie- I'd quote you, but I don't want to take up that much room with your awesome post For me, I wanna play original stuff, and that's what I like to do. It would be hard for the set up your propose because right now, I am feeling all of the pressure for song writing, I do the parts then tell the other players how I want stuff to sound like, then they give their interpretation of what I'm saying. I want it to be more of a collective effort, and the individual approach doesn't work out that well, but who knows, it may come to that. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
charlie brown Posted May 20, 2011 Share Posted May 20, 2011 Charlie- I'd quote you, but I don't want to take up that much room with your awesome post For me, I wanna play original stuff, and that's what I like to do. It would be hard for the set up your propose because right now, I am feeling all of the pressure for song writing, I do the parts then tell the other players how I want stuff to sound like, then they give their interpretation of what I'm saying. I want it to be more of a collective effort, and the individual approach doesn't work out that well, but who knows, it may come to that. True, Fred...ever situation is different, with different solutions. That was our's...for now, anyway. I really don't see it changing, much, just do to our (somewhat) unique circumstances. But, who knows? Oh, and we do some of our musician's original material, as well as "covers." But...Whatever works, for sure! ;>) Cheers, CB Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
hsech Posted May 20, 2011 Share Posted May 20, 2011 Sounds like ANY replacement would be a good choice! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Andy R Posted May 20, 2011 Share Posted May 20, 2011 Trust me it gets harder when you get older. Like CB was saying work, families, owning a home, getting old and tired, etc.. make it difficult to get together. We are currently "rehearsing" without a drummer Using isolated drum tracks I can find and drums from midi files that I clean up and run the BFD Software. ( although hopefully we have found someone, will know Sunday) I have even bought all the gear. Guitar Amps, Bass Amp, Nice set of Roland V drums, just so the only thing people have to do is show up. We are also recording everyone's parts so if somebody can't make it for the 2-3 hrs once a week we can still rehearse and no one is upset. Even setting it up where the drummer can send drum tracks if he can't make it. I'm even looking into sending midi signals via IP from an electronic kit over the internet to trigger a drum module at my house and using Video Conference so the drummer could actually rehearse with the band from his house... Have to see how much latency there is.... It is a different experience but working out so far... Where there is a will there is a way.... Andy Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
GIANTRobOT42O Posted May 20, 2011 Share Posted May 20, 2011 Start a Reggae band Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Silenced Fred Posted May 20, 2011 Author Share Posted May 20, 2011 Band drama for sure, although I'd rather have it prior to getting to far along with the dip5hit. Nine Line Bind broke up due to stupid drama from the other Gtr Playr and the Drummer towards me. I lost total respect for them since we are in our 40's and the crap they were doing was something I would expect from children in elementary school. Although unsure if your doing originals or covers but now is the time to decide about the up coming shows. If you cancel that looks somewhat bad for ya; although if you help the bar in finding a replacement it will not look too bad. If you grab any ole bass player and the show suks then its also very bad for ya. Good Ole Drama... Honestly, he never had a serious rig, he's using a VOX 30 watt valvetronix guitar amp and he couldn't even be heard, so me and the other guitarist can get along fine, just gotta work with my drummer for cranking that bass drum a little bit more. I'm gonna talk to one person I know that plays bass and hopefully he can learn the stuff I hate drama, I have to put with too much as it is Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Silenced Fred Posted May 20, 2011 Author Share Posted May 20, 2011 Start a Reggae band Yeah, a reggae band with crazy fuzzed out madness Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
damian Posted May 20, 2011 Share Posted May 20, 2011 You often show knowledge beyond your years Nate......Remember that a band is also a business, regardless of how serious it is........ Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
neilpanda Posted May 20, 2011 Share Posted May 20, 2011 just shake it off, sounds like he was never really good for the band anyway. hope you find a new bassist soon and get ready for the upcoming shows. good luck! Beast Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
retrosurfer1959 Posted May 20, 2011 Share Posted May 20, 2011 It's always hard if you have been playing together for quite a while but **** happens. Sit down with the rest of the band apologize for your part in the drama and asl them if they want to continue as a group or if this is it. A good dose of housekeeping and understanding of goals helps any band refocus. If you can't find another bass player fast get a Baritone guitar and one of the guitarists can help the drummer fill the rhythm, until you can get somebody else. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
awel Posted May 20, 2011 Share Posted May 20, 2011 Oh yes, Damian is right, a band is business. <_< It requires a lot of patience and diplomacy to hold on. So only two options, or you keep the faith (sure that you will choose that option) or you give up. but nothing is definitive, you know a friend of mine had stopped for almost 10 years playing in a band and then someone proposed him a 'serious' cover band, and now is on the stage again :) Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
duane v Posted May 20, 2011 Share Posted May 20, 2011 Being in a band only needs to be treated as a business when it becomes a business.... Most bands dont get nowhere near that point, so just have fun until your approached by a serious management group. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Silenced Fred Posted May 20, 2011 Author Share Posted May 20, 2011 Being in a band only needs to be treated as a business when it becomes a business.... Most bands dont get nowhere near that point, so just have fun until your approached by a serious management group. I hear what you're saying, and I believe it's true. But not showing up to practice for a month isn't having fun. Getting paying gigs, IMO, is a business and that's what we are working on right now. We aren't too serious, but I'm not putting up with that kind of BS Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
duane v Posted May 20, 2011 Share Posted May 20, 2011 I hear what you're saying, and I believe it's true. But not showing up to practice for a month isn't having fun. Getting paying gigs, IMO, is a business and that's what we are working on right now. We aren't too serious, but I'm not putting up with that kind of BS you'll be fine.... go write a song about Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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