S t e v e Posted September 21, 2011 Share Posted September 21, 2011 One year, I decided to buy my mother-in-law a cemetery plot as A Christmas gift... The next year, I didn't buy her a gift. When she asked me why, I replied, "Well, you still haven't used the gift I bought you last year!" And that's how the fight started..... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
damian Posted September 21, 2011 Share Posted September 21, 2011 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
LarryUK Posted September 21, 2011 Share Posted September 21, 2011 I said to my wife. 'Tell me something that'll make me happy and sad at the same time'? She replied. 'Your penis is bigger than your brother's'..... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
S t e v e Posted September 21, 2011 Author Share Posted September 21, 2011 My wife was standing nude, looking in the bedroom mirror. She was not happy with what she saw and said to me, "I feel horrible; I look old, fat and ugly. I really need you to pay me a compliment.' I replied, "Your eyesight's darn near perfect." And then the fight started... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
zigzag Posted September 21, 2011 Share Posted September 21, 2011 For her birthday, my wife asked for something that would go from 0 to 190 in less than 5 seconds, so I bought her some bathroom scales. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
damian Posted September 21, 2011 Share Posted September 21, 2011 ........ Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
TommyK Posted September 21, 2011 Share Posted September 21, 2011 My 8.9 month pregnant wife said to me in a tearful tone, "Honey, I look fat!" [crying] I replied, "Babe, you're supposed to, you're carrying our child." That's when the fight started. Would that this was a made up story. Pay attention my unattached, fine, young, padawans. When a woman makes a self deprecating remark she is fishing for a compliment. This is the ONE time you had better not agree with her. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
S t e v e Posted September 21, 2011 Author Share Posted September 21, 2011 My wife sat down next to me as I was flipping channels. She asked, "What's on TV?" I said, "Dust." And then the fight started... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
fl00dsm0k3 Posted September 21, 2011 Share Posted September 21, 2011 you are all wonderful people Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
S t e v e Posted September 21, 2011 Author Share Posted September 21, 2011 Saturday morning I got up early, quietly dressed, and made my lunch, and slipped quietly into the garage. I hooked up the boat up to the van and proceeded to back out into a torrential downpour. The wind was blowing 50mph, so I pulled back into the garage, turned on the radio, and discovered that the weather would be bad all day. I went back into the house, quietly undressed, and slipped back into bed. I cuddled up to my wife's back; now with a different anticipation, and whispered, "The weather out there is terrible." My loving wife of 9 years replied, "And, can you believe my stupid husband is out fishing in that?" And that's how the fight started.... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
jaxson50 Posted September 21, 2011 Share Posted September 21, 2011 A gynecologist had become fed up with malpractice insurance and HMO paperwork and was burned out. Hoping to try another career where skillful hands would be beneficial, he decided to become a mechanic. He went to the local technical college, signed up for evening classes, attended diligently, and learned all he could. When the time for the practical exam approached, the gynecologist prepared carefully for weeks and completed the exam with tremendous skill. When the results came back, he was surprised to find that he had obtained a score of 150%. Fearing an error, he called the instructor, saying, "I don't want to appear ungrateful for such an outstanding result, but I wonder if there is an error in the grade." The instructor said, "During the exam, you took the engine apart perfectly, which was worth 50% of the total mark." "You put the engine back together again perfectly, which is worth 50% of the mark." After a pause, the instructor added, "I gave you an extra 50% because you did it all through the muffler, which I've never seen done in my entire career." Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
DanvillRob Posted September 21, 2011 Share Posted September 21, 2011 A Black guy, a Communist and a Muslim all walk into a bar. The Bartender says, "What would you like to drink, Mr. President?" And THAT'S when the fight started! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
S t e v e Posted September 21, 2011 Author Share Posted September 21, 2011 A Black guy, a Communist and a Muslim all walk into a bar. The Bartender says, "What would you like to drink, Mr. President?" And THAT'S when the fight started! tick tock tick tock tick tock... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
LT ED Posted September 21, 2011 Share Posted September 21, 2011 My daughter came home sunday night and introduced her new boyfreind, she is 20 with a 1 year old son and this new guy is 37 .Thats when the fight started and hasn,t stopped for 3 days. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
S t e v e Posted September 21, 2011 Author Share Posted September 21, 2011 My wife and I were sitting at a table at her school Reunion and she kept staring at a drunken man swigging his drink as he sat alone at a nearby table. I asked her, "Do you know him?" "Yes", she sighed, "He's my old boyfriend. I understand he took to drinking right after we split up those many years ago, and I hear he hasn’t been sober since." "My God!" I said, "Who would think a person could go on celebrating that long?" And then the fight started... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Shnate McDuanus Posted September 21, 2011 Share Posted September 21, 2011 A Black guy, a Communist and a Muslim all walk into a bar. The Bartender says, "What would you like to drink, Mr. President?" And THAT'S when the fight started! Oh shut up. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Silenced Fred Posted September 21, 2011 Share Posted September 21, 2011 A Black guy, a Communist and a Muslim all walk into a bar. The Bartender says, "What would you like to drink, Mr. President?" And THAT'S when the fight started! Hark, Neo calls Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest farnsbarns Posted September 21, 2011 Share Posted September 21, 2011 A Black guy, a Communist and a Muslim all walk into a bar. The Bartender says, "What would you like to drink, Mr. President?" And THAT'S when the fight started! oooh, this ones gonna get locked. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
fl00dsm0k3 Posted September 22, 2011 Share Posted September 22, 2011 Oh shut up. and thats how the fight started Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
damian Posted September 22, 2011 Share Posted September 22, 2011 and thats how the fight started .......................................... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest rogerb Posted September 22, 2011 Share Posted September 22, 2011 I asked my wife what she wanted for her birthday, she said "A divorce"! I said " I wasn't planning on spending that much"! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
animalfarm Posted September 22, 2011 Share Posted September 22, 2011 My Wife found a new facial mud-mask product that she wanted to try out. So, she went thru all the preps, and applied the product. I had my doubts, but will have to admit, the Stuff WORKS! She looked absolutely GREAT for about 30 minutes. Then the Mud fell off. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
LarryUK Posted September 22, 2011 Share Posted September 22, 2011 My wife asked 'How can I make my boobs bigger'? 'Rub toilet paper between them' I replied. 'Will that work'? she asked. 'It worked for your ***' I answered'..... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Big Bill Posted September 22, 2011 Share Posted September 22, 2011 A young man in the Gibson Lounge posted a video of his favorite Speed Metal band. And then the fight started. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
ShredAstaire Posted September 22, 2011 Share Posted September 22, 2011 A young man in the Gibson Lounge posted a video of his favorite Speed Metal band. That's how the fight started. Hehe i was going to post something like this earlier...ha! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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