Retired Posted January 10, 2022 Share Posted January 10, 2022 An old couple in their 80,s are out in a tavern. The old man asks his wife if she remember's the first time they made love? Yes she said, We went back behind the Tavern and leaned against the fence & I made love to you. He asks her if she wants to do it again for old times sake? "Oh Jim, you devil, that sounds like a crazy idea but yes! So they get their canes and slowly walk back behind the Tavern. A policeman overheard them and thought he better follow them to make sure no one harms them. So they take off their clothes and lean against the fence and have a wild shaking intimate love making for 30 minutes. The police officer watched the whole thing and was amazed at what he saw for 2 old people. He thinks about it and decides to ask the guy, "What is your success?" The old man tells him. "Well, 60 years ago, It wasn't an Electric Fence!" 1 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Whitefang Posted January 10, 2022 Share Posted January 10, 2022 A cop comes across a drunk trying to unlock a lamp post with his house key. "I don't think anyone's home." said the cop. "Sure there is..." said the drunk., "There's a light on upstairs." Whitefang 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
MissouriPicker Posted January 11, 2022 Share Posted January 11, 2022 You know it’s cold outside when you step on dog crap and roll your ankle. 1 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Retired Posted January 14, 2022 Share Posted January 14, 2022 On 1/11/2022 at 4:56 PM, MissouriPicker said: You know it’s cold outside when you step on dog crap and roll your ankle. Haha, Thats about the way it is here. Frozen to the ground. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Retired Posted January 14, 2022 Share Posted January 14, 2022 Why should you never fall in love with a tennis player? Because to them....... Love means NOTHING! 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
saturn Posted January 15, 2022 Share Posted January 15, 2022 I couldn't find a pizza cutter so I used an old Bryan Adams CD. It cuts like a knife. 2 2 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guitar God Posted January 21, 2022 Share Posted January 21, 2022 What's the difference between in-laws and outlaws? Outlaws are wanted. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Christopherlee Posted January 28, 2022 Share Posted January 28, 2022 On 5/2/2020 at 6:13 PM, MissouriPicker said: These are probably older than I am. How did Helen Keller meet her husband? On a blind date. What did Helen Keller do when she fell off the cliff? She screamed her hands off. The Lone Ranger and Tonto are trapped in a box canyon by ten-thousand indians. The Lone Ranger says, "Well, my loyal friend! Looks like the end. We are trapped by thousands of indians." Tonto says, "WE, white man?" I've heard that joke a few times, but still it's one of my favorites Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
jdgm Posted January 28, 2022 Share Posted January 28, 2022 One of the UK's greatest ever and best-loved comedy writers - Barry Cryer - has just died at the age of 86. A couple of days before his death, he was visited by one of his old friends who asked him how he was doing..... He said - "Well I'm NOT going to buy any green bananas!" What a guy. R.I.P. Barry - a very funny man, he made a lot of people very happy over a very long period of time. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
MissouriPicker Posted February 12, 2022 Share Posted February 12, 2022 Just remember! A crowded elevator smells very different to a midget. 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
merciful-evans Posted February 12, 2022 Share Posted February 12, 2022 Chewbacca must be French, because he understands English but wont speak it 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Retired Posted February 13, 2022 Share Posted February 13, 2022 What did the Elephant say to the naked man? "How do you breathe through that thing?" Lol. 3 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
fortyearspickn Posted February 13, 2022 Share Posted February 13, 2022 Ghost - Best One I've heard this year !!!! 1 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Retired Posted February 14, 2022 Share Posted February 14, 2022 Heres a dirty mind test: What starts with D and ends with ick? Drumstick. 1 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Whitefang Posted February 14, 2022 Share Posted February 14, 2022 Oh. I thought it was DIPSTICK! Whitefang 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
jdgm Posted February 14, 2022 Share Posted February 14, 2022 Dropkick? Drywick? Derrick? 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Retired Posted February 15, 2022 Share Posted February 15, 2022 Haha, those all work too! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
MissouriPicker Posted February 16, 2022 Share Posted February 16, 2022 Wife: I’ve had it with your stupid guitar obsession! It’s even affecting the kids. Husband: Leave Martin, Gibson, and Taylor out of this. 2 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Whitefang Posted February 16, 2022 Share Posted February 16, 2022 And tell her to leave their FREDDY FENDER records alone too. Whitefang Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Retired Posted February 18, 2022 Share Posted February 18, 2022 After 35 yers of service, the mailman, George retires. On his last day he makes his usual rounds. At his first house, the whole family comes out & congratulates him and gives him a tidy gift envelope. At the second house, they present him with a box of fine cigars. The third house hands him a selection of terrific fishing lures. The next house, he is met at the door by a very beautiful Blond woman in a negligee. She takes him by the hand and leads him upstairs to the bedroom, where she blows his mind with the most passionate sex he has ever experienced. When they're done, they go downstairs and she pours him a cup of coffee. He notices a dollar bill sticking out from under the cup. All this is too wonderful for words he tells her. "But what's the dollar for?" Well she says, "last night, I told my husband that today would be your last day and that I wanted to do something special for you. I asked him what to give you." He said, "Screw him, Give him a dollar." 1 2 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Brucebubs Posted February 18, 2022 Share Posted February 18, 2022 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Mr. Natural Posted February 19, 2022 Share Posted February 19, 2022 On 2/13/2022 at 9:00 PM, Retired said: Heres a dirty mind test: What starts with D and ends with ick? Drumstick. What starts with F and ends with uck? Firetruck Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Retired Posted February 20, 2022 Share Posted February 20, 2022 7 hours ago, Mr. Natural said: What starts with F and ends with uck? FriedDuck. Haha. Firetruck Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Retired Posted March 5, 2022 Share Posted March 5, 2022 On 1/20/2022 at 7:23 PM, ghost_of_fl said: Doctor: "Due to new privacy regulations, we can no longer use patient names in the waiting room. Will the patient with the itchy vagina please follow me ..." I still laugh at that & can imagine what that gal is thinking! 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Retired Posted March 5, 2022 Share Posted March 5, 2022 Why don't pirates take a shower before they walk the plank? They just wash up on shore. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Recommended Posts
Join the conversation
You can post now and register later. If you have an account, sign in now to post with your account.