Rabs Posted July 19, 2020 Share Posted July 19, 2020 4 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Retired Posted July 19, 2020 Share Posted July 19, 2020 A man tells his doctor, "Doc, help me. I'm addicted to Twitter!" The doctor replies, "Sorry, I don't follow you..." 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Retired Posted July 21, 2020 Share Posted July 21, 2020 A guy took his blonde girlfriend to her first football game. They had great seats right behind their team's bench. After the game, he asked her how she liked her experience. "Oh, I really liked it," she replied, "especially the tight pants and all the big muscles, but I just couldn't understand why they were killing each other over 25 cents." Dumbfounded, he asked, "What do you mean." "Well, they flipped a coin, one team got it, and for the rest of the game, all they kept screaming was, 'Get the quarterback! Get the quarterback!' I'm like, "Hello? It's only 25 cents!" 1 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Retired Posted July 31, 2020 Share Posted July 31, 2020 Apparently, Someone in London gets stabbed every 52 seconds. Poor guy. 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
merciful-evans Posted July 31, 2020 Share Posted July 31, 2020 10 hours ago, Retired said: Apparently, Someone in London gets stabbed every 52 seconds. Poor guy. Doctor told me I should walk a mile every day for a month and then call him. He asked me how I got on. I told him I was 30 miles from home. 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Retired Posted July 31, 2020 Share Posted July 31, 2020 Why did Scooby Doo leave Mystery Incorporated? The work was to Ruff. 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
merciful-evans Posted August 1, 2020 Share Posted August 1, 2020 6 hours ago, ghost_of_fl said: Repeat this a few times: "Rise up lights" "Rise up lights" "Rise up lights" Congratulations, now you know how to say "razor blades" with an Australian accent. try it with 'beer can'. Thats 'bacon' in a Caribbean accent. 1 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Strong Heavy Posted August 1, 2020 Share Posted August 1, 2020 New Epiphone Limited Edition 2 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Retired Posted August 2, 2020 Share Posted August 2, 2020 Going on the 7th week now and still waiting for mine to show. 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Retired Posted August 5, 2020 Share Posted August 5, 2020 On 8/1/2020 at 9:36 AM, ghost_of_fl said: I like how Epiphones come with a 'not garbage' sticker just in case. 😄 You got a case with a Epiphone? Oh my god..... I paid close to $900.00 for a limited custom and never got a case. Almost $700.00 for this last one and it won't have a case. Didn't think Epiphone ever got the blue prints on how to make a guitar case. Lol Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Retired Posted August 5, 2020 Share Posted August 5, 2020 Why doesn't Dracula have any friends? Well, honestly, he's a real pain in the neck. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Strong Heavy Posted August 5, 2020 Share Posted August 5, 2020 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Pinch Posted August 5, 2020 Share Posted August 5, 2020 13 hours ago, Strong Heavy said: Welcome back, SG Player. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Retired Posted August 5, 2020 Share Posted August 5, 2020 A man inside his house hears a knocking on his door, upon opening the door he sees nothing, and then looks down on the porch. There is a snail, he picks it up and throws it as hard as he can. A year later, there is a knocking on his door agin. The snail says, "What did you do that for?" 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Retired Posted August 7, 2020 Share Posted August 7, 2020 A pony goes into a bar and whispers, "Can I have some water please?" Sure says the bartender, "Sore throat?" "No' says the pony, I'm just a little horse." 2 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
jdgm Posted August 7, 2020 Share Posted August 7, 2020 45 minutes ago, Retired said: A pony goes into a bar and whispers, "Can I have some water please?" Sure says the bartender, "Sore throat?" "No' says the pony, I'm just a little horse." This is part of the extremely stupid joke I didn't tell the whole of, at the bottom of P1 of this thread. So in response to overwhelming demand....... Shakespeare walks into a pub with a dog, a Shetland pony, a leopard and a giraffe on a bicycle. The landlord says to Shakespeare "I'm not serving you, you're bard." The landlord turns to the dog and says "do you want a pint, or a half?" The dog says "arf". The landlord turns to the Shetland pony and says "why the long face?" The Shetland pony coughs and says "sorry, I'm a little horse". The landlord turns to the leopard and says "you again! You were spotted, creeping around here last week - you and that bloody giraffe." And turning to all of them he says; "OUT! The lot of you! GET OUT OF MY PUB!" They all turn round and rush out of the door and the giraffe on his bicycle hits his head - Bang! and collapses - spark out - in the doorway. "Oi!" Shouts the landlord "You can't leave that lyin' there!" And they all turn round and say - "It's not a lion, it's a giraffe." 2 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Retired Posted August 8, 2020 Share Posted August 8, 2020 The only stupid joke I ever memorized is this one. A blind man walks into a bar and orders a drink and sits down, then says, "Heh bartender, wanna hear a blonde joke?" The bartender answered him. "Sir, there's a 200 lb. rugby player sitting at your right and a 260 lb. linebacker that plays for the NFL sitting to your left. A 280 lb. bodybuilder is over at the far table and right in front of you is a Blackbelt in Kung Fu. All 4 guys, including myself are all blonde." "Now think about it, Do you really want to tell that joke?" The guy thinks and then says: "Nah, Not if I have to tell it 5 times." 2 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Rabs Posted August 11, 2020 Share Posted August 11, 2020 2 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Retired Posted August 12, 2020 Share Posted August 12, 2020 A poodle & a collie are walking together when the poodle suddenly unloads on his friend. "My life is a mess." he says. "My owner is mean, my girlfriend ran away with a schnauzer, and I'm as jittery as a cat." "Why don't you go see a psychiatrist ?" suggests the collie. "I can't," says the poodle. "I'm not allowed on the couch!" 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
jaxson50 Posted August 21, 2020 Share Posted August 21, 2020 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Sgt. Pepper Posted September 10, 2020 Share Posted September 10, 2020 What do a gynacologist and a pizza deliverey guy have in common. They both get to smell it but never eat it. Going to hell for sure. 1 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
fortyearspickn Posted September 10, 2020 Share Posted September 10, 2020 I like anchovies on my pizza. (That'll get me as far as Purgatory.) 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Sgt. Pepper Posted September 10, 2020 Share Posted September 10, 2020 (edited) 3 hours ago, fortyearspickn said: I like anchovies on my pizza. (That'll get me as far as Purgatory.) A tuna taco can be quite tasty. Yep, Hell for sure now. Edited September 10, 2020 by Sgt. Pepper Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Mr. Natural Posted September 11, 2020 Share Posted September 11, 2020 On 9/9/2020 at 8:24 PM, Sgt. Pepper said: What do a gynacologist and a pizza deliverey guy have in common. They both get to smell it but never eat it. Going to hell for sure. Speaking of gynecologists... Do you know how a woman can tell if her gynecologist has a thing for her? He "forgets" to put on the rubber glove. (If not to Hell, at least France.) Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Sgt. Pepper Posted September 11, 2020 Share Posted September 11, 2020 2 minutes ago, Mr. Natural said: Speaking of gynecologists... Do you know how a woman can tell if her gynecologist has a thing for her? He "forgets" to put on the rubber glove. (If not to Hell, at least France.) Zappa said - Never try to get your peter sucked in France. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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