Mr. Natural Posted September 11, 2020 Share Posted September 11, 2020 The beauty pageant host asked the blonde finalist, "If you could have a conversation with anyone, living or dead, who would it be?" The blonde finalist replied, "The living one." 1 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
gdecantoo Posted September 12, 2020 Share Posted September 12, 2020 I bought a Trump branded smoke alarm. It won’t go off in a fire because it doesn’t want me to panic. 1 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
merciful-evans Posted September 14, 2020 Share Posted September 14, 2020 I’ve been slowly torturing a centipede for the past 98 days. It’s on its last legs now. 1 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Retired Posted September 14, 2020 Share Posted September 14, 2020 Two hunters are in the woods when one collapses. He's not breathing & his eyes are glazed. The other guy quickly calls 911. "I think my friend is dead, what can I do?" The operator says, "Calm down, first let's make sure he's dead." There's a silence, then a shot. Back on th phone, "OK, Now What?" Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
merciful-evans Posted September 15, 2020 Share Posted September 15, 2020 my feet are killing me when I'm asleep in bed they try n' strangle me thank you Tommy Cooper Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Californiaman Posted September 15, 2020 Share Posted September 15, 2020 (edited) California governor Gavin Newsom just ordered all trees to start wearing masks to prevent the spread of forest fires. Edited September 15, 2020 by Californiaman Fix 2 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Retired Posted September 16, 2020 Share Posted September 16, 2020 A blonde went to buy a pizza. After ordering, the assistant asked the blonde if she would like her pizza cut into six pieces or twelve. "Six please" she said, "I could never eat twelve." 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
merciful-evans Posted September 16, 2020 Share Posted September 16, 2020 I've just read a book called Shipbuilding Explained. It was riveting. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
ksdaddy Posted September 16, 2020 Share Posted September 16, 2020 What's black and white and red and has can't go through a revolving door? A nun with a spear through her head. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
merciful-evans Posted September 17, 2020 Share Posted September 17, 2020 I’ve just read Muddy Waters biography. It was as dull as ditch water Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
fortyearspickn Posted September 19, 2020 Share Posted September 19, 2020 Yesterday was a strange day. First I found a hatful of money. Then I was chased by an angry man with a guitar. 1 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
merciful-evans Posted September 19, 2020 Share Posted September 19, 2020 Dont bother with the Bee Gees biography.. Its all gibberish Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
merciful-evans Posted September 20, 2020 Share Posted September 20, 2020 I've just read a book about the England Football Team. There was no forward in it. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Retired Posted September 24, 2020 Share Posted September 24, 2020 Why shouldn't you write with a broken pencil? Because it's pointless! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
merciful-evans Posted September 24, 2020 Share Posted September 24, 2020 I'm reading a book called 'the History of the World'. I don't want it to end. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
sparquelito Posted September 24, 2020 Share Posted September 24, 2020 I just made this one up. It's really stupid.😐 Three sisters (Eleanor, Prudence, and Abby) prepared to leave town for a wedding, but due to their schedules, could not travel together. The had available for conveyance exactly one motor car, a panel truck, and a motorcycle. In the end, Eleanor left first in the motor car. Prudence departed a while later in the truck. And Abby? Well............ Abby rode. 🤨 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
merciful-evans Posted September 24, 2020 Share Posted September 24, 2020 (edited) 5 hours ago, sparquelito said: I just made this one up. It's really stupid.😐 Three sisters (Eleanor, Prudence, and Abby) prepared to leave town for a wedding, but due to their schedules, could not travel together. The had available for conveyance exactly one motor car, a panel truck, and a motorcycle. In the end, Eleanor left first in the motor car. Prudence departed a while later in the truck. And Abby? Well............ Abby rode. 🤨 good stuff. I've made up all of the book/reading ones on here. Here's some more I'm reading this book called 'Quotations'. I cant follow it at all... I've just read a book on Marijuana. I'm hungry now. I just bought a DIY book. All the pages are blank Edited September 24, 2020 by merciful-evans 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Sgt. Pepper Posted September 24, 2020 Share Posted September 24, 2020 6 hours ago, sparquelito said: I just made this one up. It's really stupid.😐 Three sisters (Eleanor, Prudence, and Abby) prepared to leave town for a wedding, but due to their schedules, could not travel together. The had available for conveyance exactly one motor car, a panel truck, and a motorcycle. In the end, Eleanor left first in the motor car. Prudence departed a while later in the truck. And Abby? Well............ Abby rode. 🤨 That was gonna be the cover if the one with Paul with no shoes didn't work out. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Rabs Posted September 25, 2020 Share Posted September 25, 2020 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
mihcmac Posted September 25, 2020 Share Posted September 25, 2020 (edited) The tiny purple virus Run laughing through your fingers And your mask will take her with you To the homeland for the winter Her name is Covid 19 And she hides her crimson shell You know you should not spread her For you touched the distant lands With exhales to brave protestors How their naked lungs were tortured By the virus harshly stinging Yeah.. cough cough Edited September 25, 2020 by mihcmac Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Californiaman Posted September 27, 2020 Share Posted September 27, 2020 An Engineer dies.. and goes to Hell. Dissatisfied with the level of comfort, he starts designing and building improvements. After a while, Hell has air conditioning, flush toilets and escalators. The engineer is a pretty popular guy. One day God calls and asks Satan, "So, how's it going down there?" Satan says, "Hey things are going great. We've got air conditioning and flush toilets and escalators, and there's no telling what this engineer is going to come up with next." God is horrified. "What? You've got an engineer? That's a mistake - he should never have gone down there! You know all engineers go to Heaven. Send him up here! " Satan says, "No way. I like having an engineer on the staff. I'm keeping him." God says, "Send him back up here or I'll sue." "Yeah, right," Satan laughs, "and where are you going to get a lawyer?" 2 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
mihcmac Posted September 28, 2020 Share Posted September 28, 2020 How many Roadettes does it take to get you in trouble with your wife? Just one... 😩 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
merciful-evans Posted September 30, 2020 Share Posted September 30, 2020 6 hours ago, ghost_of_fl said: The Universal Hot & Crazy Matrix Cherry's a hairdresser. That puts her in the Danger Zone 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Californiaman Posted September 30, 2020 Share Posted September 30, 2020 An elderly Italian man lived alone in New Jersey. He wanted to plant his annual tomato garden, but found it difficult work since the ground was hard. His only son, Vincent, who used to help him, was in prison for Mafia activities. The old man wrote a letter to his son and described his predicament:Dear Vincent,I am feeling pretty sad, because it looks like I won’t be able to plant my tomato garden this year. I’m just getting too old to be digging up a garden plot. I know if you were here my troubles would be over. I know you would be happy to dig the plot for me, like in the old days.Love, PapaA few days later he received a letter from his son.Dear Pop,Don’t dig up that garden. That’s where the bodies are buried.Love,VinnieAt 4 a.m. the next morning, FBI agents and local police arrived and dug up the entire area without finding any bodies. They apologized to the old man and left. That same day the old man received another letter from his son.Dear Pop,Go ahead and plant the tomatoes now. That’s the best I could do under the circumstances.Love you,Vinnie 2 2 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Californiaman Posted October 1, 2020 Share Posted October 1, 2020 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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